Things you will never hear a redneck say

 1. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
 2. Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
 3. You can’t feed that to the dog.
 4. I thought Graceland was tacky.
 5. No kids in the back of the pickup. It’s not safe.
 6. Wrasslin’s fake.
 7. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace yet?
 8. We’re vegetarians.
 9. Do you think my hair is too big?
10. I’ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
11. Honey, these Bonsai trees need watering.
12. Who’s Richard Petty?
13. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
14. Deer heads detract from the decor.
15. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
16. Trim all of the fat off that steak.
17. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
18. The tires on that truck are too big.
19. I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
20. I’ve got it all on a floppy disk.
21. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
22. Would you like your fish poached or boiled?
23. My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
24. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
25. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
26. Checkmate.
27. She’s too old to be wearing that bikini.
28. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
29. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee-Haw” we haven’t seen!
30. I don’t have a favorite college team.
31. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
32. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
33. Elvis who?