IF SHRINK-WRAPPED SOFTWARE COMPANIES FUNCTIONED LIKE RESTAURANTS

Patron: "Waiter!"

Waiter: "Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter today. What
         seems to be the problem?"

Patron: "There's a fly in my soup!"

Waiter: "Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time."

Patron: "No, it's still there."

Waiter: "Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork
         instead."

Patron: "Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there."

Waiter: "Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are
         you using?"

Patron: "A SOUP bowl!"

Waiter: "Hmmm, that should work.  Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was
         the bowl set up?"

Patron: "You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in
         my soup?!"

Waiter: "Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in
         your soup?"

Patron: "I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!"

Waiter: "Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?"

Patron: "You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??"

Waiter: "Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour."

Patron: "Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?"

Waiter: "The current Soup of the Day is tomato."

Patron: "Fine.  Bring me the tomato soup, and the check.  I'm running late
         now."

[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

Waiter: "Here you are, Sir.  Your soup and your check."

Patron: "This is potato soup."

Waiter: "Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet."

Patron: "Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything."

[waiter leaves.]

Patron: "Waiter!  There's a gnat in my soup!"

The check:
Soup of the Day ................................ $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day ...... $2.50
Access to support .............................. $1.00
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