Disclaimer Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.
TITLE: Pockets and Cupcakes
AUTHOR: SelDear
EMAIL: SelDear
STATUS: complete
CATEGORY: Episode Epilogue, Humour
SPOILERS: 'Descent'
SEASON/SEQUEL INFO: Season Six
SERIES: The Cake Series
RATING: G
CONTENT WARNING: None
SUMMARY: It's amazing what you find in pockets…
DATE: 23rd June, 2002
ARCHIVED: SJA, Heliopolis
DISCLAIMER:
(To the tune and rhythm of "His eyes are as green as a fresh-pickled toad…"
- for my sister Louisa!)
These characters don't belong to this fic-writer,
And this line of writing don't pay;
I wish they were mine - they're really divine,
To archive, please ask me, okay?
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay, first warning: I haven't seen the ep. All and any references
to the episode come from those wacky wacky people who watch it on Friday nights
with their hands on the computer keyboard and give the poor unfortunates who
don't have American TV a chance to find out what is happening. Spoilers are
evil and the devil's work, yes, but I'm not gonna segregate myself for six bloody
months while Australia's Channel Seven sorts itself out. This is dedicated to
anyone who's had to pick items out of pockets before doing the wash. Don'tcha
just loved that feeling of used, dried tissues (Kleenex for the Yanks)?
Pockets and Cupcakes
Hannah Siemens walked into the laundry, took one look at the piles
of fatigues on the floor and groaned.
"You got that right, hon," Dinah drawled wryly from
where she was picking through the pockets of someone's fatigues pants. "And
it's those guys again." Her tone of voice made it real clear exactly which
people she was talking about. "Your pile's there, Han. Have fun."
Hannah grimaced as she perched on the stool and began clearing
out the pockets of the jackets and pants. It wasn't the kind of job she'd dreamed
of as a graduate of Colorado Springs High, but it paid the rent, and James'
wages paid the bills and they had a little left over for odds and ends.
Laundry for the Cheyenne Mountain Base was hardly a glamourous job, but it had
its amusing moments.
The radio was playing Brad Paisley - something about fishing?
"Oh, this guy's done it again!" Marie grumbled. Her
gloved hand held up a gelatinous glob of colours which had probably once been
gummy bears. "Why can't he put them in a piece of paper or something?"
"Junkyard Pockets?" There was one guy whose clothes
were a bitch to wash. He always had 'stuff' in his pockets. Usually half a bar
of chocolate or something like that - although the laundry had a collection
of his yo-yos. Once, there'd been a banana peel in there - Angie on the morning
shift had been the unfortunate worker who got that.
"Looks about the right size for him. I'd say 'yes'."
There was a thump as the melted mass of sugar landed in the bins provided for
such pickings. "Yep, it's him." She held up another yo-yo. "That
makes it…what…eight?"
"I understand not what these people do," Therese said
in her accented voice. "These people work in the mountain, yes?"
"Apparently."
"Is not their project to study the stars?"
"So they tell us." Dinah sounded very disgruntled. "This
guy had a book in his jacket pocket!"
"Harlequin?"
"Nope," Dinah held up the book. "A dictionary,
if you can believe it!"
"What kind of guy carries a dictionary?"
"Well, if it's in the batch with Junkyard Pockets, then it's
probably Used Kleenex."
"Huh, haven't had to clean out pockets like that for a while
- what…four…five months now?"
"Perhaps his cold went away," Therese offered.
"Perhaps he got reassigned elsewhere."
Hannah grinned, "Were any of you guys around when Used Kleenex
came to pick up his clip-on sunglasses?"
"No."
"He was a cutie, that was for sure. Stood there at the counter,
not sure about whether to cough to get someone's attention or wait for someone
to notice him. Blue eyes, nice face, clean cut…"
"Has Jamie got competition then?" Marie snickered.
"This guy would give any man competition, let me tell you!
He didn't look like most of the guys who came through here." By which Hannah
meant 'military'. You could tell the military in the Springs just by the way
they walked down the street.
"Might have been one of the scientists in the mountain."
"Which is something else I don't get. If they're doing that
radio space stuff in the mountain, why do we get their clothes back with rips
and tears, and sand, dirt, and leaves on them?"
"Our job is not to ask, girls," Dinah said with mock-pompousness,
"But merely to clean out their pockets!"
"This one will not be seeing his dentist on Tuesday after
all," Therese commented, holding up a card. It went into a small tin on
the bench top.
Hannah grinned, remembering the matchbook from 'Bubba's' with
half the matches missing, and a scrawled phone number on the inside cover. Without
thinking, she pulled up the next pair of pants - wet through - and stuck her
hand into the pocket. She encountered something that squished soddenly through
her fingers, and jerked her hand back covered with pulpy crumbs. "Okay,
I have a big official 'eww!'"
"Is it possible that 'ewws' may not be official?" Therese
asked, her dark face tilted impishly.
"What is it, Han?"
Steeling herself to put her hand back into the pocket, Hannah
hauled out a soggy mass of plastic and… mush. "Cupcake," she
answered at last. "Someone put a cupcake in their pocket and forgot to
take it out before they had a full-body shower."
"Do you reckon it's the chick with the box of tampons?"
"They're the right size for her."
"Could be a him."
"When was the last time you knew a guy to carry a box of
tampons around in his pocket, Dinah?"
"Oh, yuck." There was a sound of disgust from Marie.
"We got cupcake here, too, Han. Junkyard Pockets joins the usual suspects."
There was a wet thudding sound as the remnants of cupcake landed in the bin.
"How could you not notice you had a cupcake in your pocket when you decided
to jump into the pool?"
"I wonder if he and Tampon Lady were in it together. You
know…a post-coital cupcake…"
"You mean a post-dunking cupcake, Dinah!"
"What?" Marie grinned broadly, picking the last remnants
of soggy wrapper and cake from the material, "Instead of a ciggie?"
Therese arched her brows: "The Cupcake Couple?"
Hannah held up the ruins of cupcake she was extracting from the
pocket and quipped: "Is that a cupcake in your pocket…or are you just
happy to see me?"
Laughter erupted in the room, echoing through the laundry.
·
Jack swiped his card through the reader next to Carter's door
and the door opened with a rumble. She looked up from her computer. "Sir?"
He grinned and presented his prizes like a magician with rabbits.
"I brought you cupcakes."
Her smile was immediate and gratifying. "To replace the ones
we didn't get to eat before we got called off to deal with the mothership?"
"Yup." He set the cupcake down before her, pulled over
a chair and sat down to open the package. Carter had evidently forgotten to
have lunch again, since she tore the wrapping with enough force to propel the
cupcake into the air. Luckily, it bounced off her keyboard, scattering crumbs
and tiny icing sprinkles across her paperwork. "Hey, watch that!"
He growled, grabbing it up and offering it back to her, "I had to prostitute
my soul to persuade Griff to give up that cupcake!"
She laughed at the imagery as she took the cupcake from him. "I'll
keep that in mind, sir." The laughter dimmed to a lop-sided smile, "So
which part of your soul did Major Griff want?"
"He didn't say. But I think he wants me to take his roster
next time he's down for training Academy graduates." Not that he minded
training recruits - although keeping up with them was usually a painful experience.
He was too old to keep up with the kids these days. Hell, he was way too old
for this running around the galaxy stuff.
Of course, as long as Teal'c and Carter - and now Quinn - were
gallivanting around the galaxy, he'd be right up there with them. Too bad if
they didn't want him, they got him anyway. He'd be right up there with them
to face Nuby's ninja Jaffa, crash motherships into Earth, drown in the Northern
Pacific, and come back home to celebrate survival with cupcakes.
It was good.
·