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| MY RAMBLINGS |
| JULY 17, 2002 Well another day has passed and I feel the same way that I have since I`e gotten. Like I am a outsider of sorts. I don` know, maybe because I want to feel that way, I so understand what Tara was talking about. Do you try to be out going, not to really be yourself or do you continue to hide in the shell that you have built, be it a one of shyness or outgoingness. Well we had a new batch of kids starting on Monday and they are not as demanding as the little kids two weeks ago, but some of them are computer illiterate like this girl called Marie Claude. Well I`m supposed to have some lunch with a friend of Micheal and Héléne sometime next week and I think I am going to deny there invitation to the wedding. I`ll feel more odd than I already do. But I don`t want them to drop me off at some other family. I used to being alone I`ve been alone since I was 9 and I relish it. Well I have discovered that after 3 years my MSN Messenger crap still works I was frankly amazed. These days I`m feeling more tired and comparing everything here to home. Like food preparation, what they make, how long shopping centre stay open, how far things are from one another. I don` know I could live in New Brunswick, but most likely in only Moncton and maybe Fredericton because anywhere else I will become slightly home sick. I guess I`m used to material corperate things around me, but what can I do? Corperate business and people have been around for years and even though some dream od socialism and a non-corperate world, they are in fact dreaming. Well that` about it. I`ve e-mailed Laura, Liz, Brian, Isabel and an number of other people as I planned to do. You know, try to reconnect with people and I have with some like Chris. But old friends like NICK are pissing me off. I don`t know why though. Well I kinda do, but unlike writing this crap down in a written journal which only people can see when I wish them to, tons of people can see this. Don`t worry I`m not thinking that I have a undying love for him or anything like ppl have thought for years, it just that... yeah. The end, gotta go out for lunch again. Maybe somewhere different today instead of Burger King. July 18, 2002 Well today is another day and yesterday I had chinese food which sucked crap except for my chicken balls and the noodles. The sweet and sour sauce tasted awful, the buffet wasn`t close to the ones at (short and about 15 food choices) home and they didn` have any sweet and sour pork. What the hell is wrong with these people! Well I was e-mailing people earlier, no wait I came to this revolation last night. For the few weeks I have been very much expressing my opinions on kinda important yet not very talked about issues, like the religion wars and total true peace among mankind. I don`t know why though. I just do and if it was up to me I would talk about how we do have control over our lives to a point and sometimes fate takes over, not for everyone, but for some people. But I`m going to try and cut down on it. It bothers me and I don`t know why. Well I went to the Frederiction website today and I wanna go there! I`m going to ask my host mom, if it is possible that we can go because I wanna go! I mean you can`t go to a forgein place without going to the capital. I mean for heaven sakes its the capital for a reason and I wanna go! Well as history does repeat itself I have my lovely heat rash agin and it really started to bother me last night and a little bit today. But I`ll survive, I swear I`m going to get cancer or something and because my stupid doctor refuses to examine me for anything I`ll die. I can`t wait till I get back home. I miss all my material things. I mean I can tell you right now country life is not for me! July 23, 2002 Well I had an somewhat interesting week-end and instead of trying to remember it all at this late day I wrote a e-mail to one of my friends that sums up the week-end of July 21-22nd. and now it`s not working. I swear I hate computers some days. Well I guess we go from memory. I went to Fredericton on Sunday and went to their version of Queens Park and then I ate consisted of the very french poutine and the very North American cheese burger and sprite. After we went outside of Fredericton to a place called King`s Landing which is a historical settlement we walked the grounds and I love certain farm animals like pigs, ox, !cows!, chickens, horses and sheeps. I was so cool. I even milked the cow! It took me three times to get it right mind u, but I did it! I went with domonique who is in our group and her host mother since it was family week-end and in my opinion u shouldn`t go anywhere in this world without visiting the capital becasue it is the capital for a reason. I bought mostly my mom her gift there which was the wheat and grain they grow there. However Saturday was the hell day. I had certain plans for Saturday like my "party for 1" which I would wash some clothes, eat my heart out read, blast the music and watch a movie, however, my host parents ever concerned have different plans. They eat dinner everyday around 6 so after my host mom came home from a wedding she said lets go out for dinner and i truly wasn`t that hungry but I went because I already denied going to the wedding so I thought i be nice and go. Little did I know they invited friends to go with their two daughters who are all younger than I, but they were so stuck up and spoiled it annoyed me, but I kept my mouth shut. I mean one of the girls are 14 years old and is complaining that her milk is too hot. U know if she drank the milk when she got it it wouldn`t be hot. While the other complained of her hunger and when she finished her food complained on how she wanted to go home. I prayed right there and then I wan` anything like that at their ages or I`d kill myself. Then I went home watch some t.v and read a little and then decided to watch Pearl Harbour with sexy Ben Afflect, however before I could desend into the bliss of the film, the same ppl I had dinner with came over with and started to smoke in the house. Not that I hate against the personality of the ppl who smoke, I just don`t like the smell of it so I had to leave the room after a while and open a window in my room so I could breath properly and then after they left I wanted to watch t.v out there so I armed myself with my perfumes and sprayed that nasty smell away. Mainly because I couldn`t find the air freshener till after I was done with my perfume and then i went to watch my t.v and my movie. U know what is really odd. Every night now I wake up after four in the morning and I have no idea why. It is bugging me so much. I never did this at home, so I`m guessing its some form of jet leg or something. It is really odd. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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