August 15, 1997 The Korea Herald
The Korean Woman
By Todd Harvey
A You wouldn't believe what I saw today!
B: Really. What did you see?
A: I saw God's greatest creation. She's only one of a kind.
B: Who is she?
A: She has the most beautiful dark hair I've ever seen and eyes that are so alluring.
B: Come on. Tell me who is she?
A: Her smile is so sincere and she has a way about her that is so caring and gentle yet strong.
B: I can't take this. Tell me who she is.
A: At one time in her history she was even a king.
B: Really?
A: Yes and you know that at one point in history she was so devoted to her king that when the
kingdom was overthrown by another dynasty three-thousands of them jumped to their death off a
cliff into a river called the Kum-kang river rather than succumb to the new leaders. This event in her
history is called ``Nack-hwa-am'' which means ``Diving Flower Rock.''
B: You got to be kidding. That's incredible!
A: Her devotion to family and husband is beyond one's comprehension. There is a saying called
``Su-jol-hada'' in her history. If her husband died she could never get married again. Because of this
act of sacrafice after she died the government would build a monument in her honor to be placed at
the entrance of the town she lived in. This monument was a small gate called ``Yol-yuh-mun'' which
means ``Wife Devoted to Husband Gate.''
B: I can't believe what I'm hearing.
A: You'd better because it's true. I tell you something else. There has always been tremendous
pressure on her by her society to give birth to a boy. Long ago if she had many sons she would offer
to help another woman who wasn't able to have a son by conceiving a child with the husband of the
woman who couldn't have a son. She would live with this family in their home until the child was born.
This situation was called ``Seebaji.''
B: What happened if she couldn't have a boy at all?
A: Well, long ago there were the seven rules she had to follow regarding her behavior in society.
These rules were called ``Chil-ga-ji-ak'' and if she committed any of these seven evils she would be
removed from the family forever. One of these evils was failure to have a son.
B: Unbelievable! It's not just her fault. What about the husband. It's his fault too!
A: Not in his mind. All the blame is put on her and she is reminded of it daily by her husband's
behavior and her mother-in-law who treats her as a failure.
B: How has she survived this way of life for so long?
A: Because she has followed three rules that are expected of her during the first nine years of
marriage which are called, ``pong-ori-sam-nyon,'' ``chang-nim-sam-nyon'' and ``ki-mo-gori-sam-
nyon'' which mean in order, don't speak for three years, be blind for three years and be dumb for
three years. In other words, if she is to endure her husband's family specially her husband's mother
she must speak no evil, see no evil and hear no evil.
B: She's truly a martyr.
A: You got that right. You know long ago in her society when she was seven years of age she would
be allowed no more contact with boys until the day she was married when she would see him for the
first time. This type of situation was called ``Nam-yuh-chil-sea-bu-dong-suk.''
B: Come on. Are you telling me she was not allowed outside the house area until she was married?
A: Yes, but back then she would be married very young such as thirteen years of age so the waiting
period would be only six years.
B: I've heard everything. I must meet her. How can I find her? How will I recognize her?
A: She's the one who has endured a lifetime of unfairness but continues to behave with dignity and
class. She's the one who carries a baby on her back while holding her other child's hand and carrying
groceries while still keeping a smile on her face as she walks home. She's the one who works in the
fields all day in the heat bent over in pain but never stops or complains. She's the one who walks or
rides the bus home at eleven at night exhausted from school and private academy studies all day.
She's the one who serves your food in a restaurant with overwhelming politeness. She's the one who
sits on the ground at the open-market selling you fruit, vegetables and fish with a face that has seen
a lot of hardship but never ceases to smile. She's the heart and soul of her country. She's the Korean
woman.
(The writer is an English teacher for Samsung Heavy Industries in Koje-do, South Kyongsang Province.)