Dear Jeremy,
I don't know what to do! My brother is 12 and started to date this boy, and I wouldn't normally mind, it's just depressing that he can find someone who he really cares about, and I, well, nobody will even sit with me at lunch. My dad says that I'm just a late bloomer, but all I want is someone to call me their little batch of pooh droppings. Is that so much to ask?
Sincerely, Hopelessly Lost
Dear Hopelessly Lost,
It's okay to feel like a loser, most people do, but you shouldn't feel like you need to find someone. If you push yourself, you'll probably end up as a hopeless stalker whose only form of entertainment is stealing porn from their neighbor's mailbox. It's okay to dream, but you need to get a grip on reality. Realize that everyone goes at there own pace, and hey, you'd probably get a divorce anyway! Try to look on the brighter side of things, you don't need to have anyone, seclusion always has it's perks.
Jeremiah
Dear Jeremiah,
I am so confused. I don't know what to do! That's the confusion aspect of my confusion, oh, just help me stop being confused!
Sincerely, Confused
Dear Confused,
You sound confused. I'm sorry, try drinking a nice glass of tea and settle yourself down in front of a big old book. Try to read, calm yourself, then go to a real psychologist. Good Luck! Viel Gluck! Etc, etc.
Jeremiah
Dear Jeremiah,
I need help. I just realized that my brother was sleeping with my best friend who's my step father's daughter who's my mother's nephew's divorced lover. I'm not sure what to do. I tried to tell the guidance counselor, and all he said was "that's why you live in Arkansas." What should I do?
Sincerely, Ingrid
Dear Inbred, I mean Ingrid,
Have you tried telling your family how you feel? That's the first step to fixing things, but do it cautiously, because it's also the first step to being banished from your homeland. Also, try looking at it from their stand point. If you really love someone enough to make passionate, dirty love, then you must really love them, either that or your human. Just remember to be considerate of their opinions.
Jeremiah
Dear Jeremiah,
My name is Lucy and I am six years old. I don't know what to do 'cause my sister Becky says she hates my sister Lily, and that makes me sad. Can you tell me how to make them stop blinding each other with rotten potato peels?
Thank you a whole lot, Lucy
Dear Lucy,
Talk to your sisters. Tell them how their blinding each other makes you feel, as a little girl who looks up to them. If that doesn't work out, get a fork, and give it to your favorite sister. That should help them realize that they really do love each other, as at least one will have extreme psychological guilt after it happens. Try to look on the bright side of things, after all, the Buddha loves you.
Jeremiah