~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"I really think we need to tell them."
Josh was staring out the kitchen window, but he turned abruptly when he heard Lance's statement. "Should tell who what?" he asked, knowing the answer already.
"We need to tell the guys about us, Josh," Lance said softly, coming up beside Josh and slipping one arm around his waist. "I think Justin's getting jealous about you spending so much time with me, and I have a feeling that Chris is getting a little suspicious."
"Why would he be getting suspicious? We've been really careful around them," Josh protested weakly.
"I think the fact that we're always finding excuses to share a hotel room on the road may have something to do with it," Lance replied dryly. "Come on, Josh, we've kept away from looking too close when we're out in public, and even on the bus, but you can't deny that at nights we've been a little...well, close."
Josh closed his eyes, sighing deeply. He knew Lance was right. He'd lost count of the number of times one of them had switched rooms with another of their bandmates, coming up with any excuse imaginable. Josh was writing a song for one of Lance's artists. Joey was going to be out all night and Lance didn't want to be woken up at some strange hour in the morning. Busta snored. They thought they were being clever, but both knew that it was only a matter of time before someone put it all together.
"I knew we'd have to tell them eventually, but now that it's getting closer to time, I can't help but be a little nervous," Josh said. "I'm truly afraid of how they're going to react."
"Joe will be cool with it, I'm sure," Lance answered thoughtfully. "Chris will make some kind of joke out of it, I'm sure."
"I'm more worried about Justin than anyone else," Josh replied. "I've known him the longest, but I have no way of knowing how he's going to take this. Not only the fact that I'm gay, but also that I'm completely and totally in love with you. Like you said, he's getting jealous as it is."
"Weren't you the one who said that they'd have to deal with it?" Lance questioned.
"You know me, I can talk the talk, but when it comes to living it, I'm a big chicken," Josh commented sheepishly.
"We'll make it through this," Lance said, taking Josh's hand, running his thumb along the soft skin. "They'll have no choice but to accept it, and us, because this is who we are, and we shouldn't have to deny it, not to the people who are supposed to be like family."
"What if they say we're wrong?" Josh asked, his voice nearly a whisper. "What if they say we're all wrong for one another? I don't even mean because we're both guys, I mean us, personally."
"Do you believe that?" Lance questioned.
"No!" Josh exclaimed quickly. "Not at all, not even for a second. I love you, Lance, you know that."
"Then why should it matter what they think?" Lance stated. "If we love each other, and WE know we're right for one another, that's all that counts. They're not living our lives for us, only we are responsible for what we do."
Josh thought about that for a second. "You're right," he said after a moment.
"I'm always right," Lance teased, jabbing him in the side. Josh smiled briefly, before it faded, the worried creases along his forehead returning.
Lance wrapped his arms tightly around Josh. "Listen to me," he said softly, his breath tickling Josh's ear. "Stop worrying so much. Just take it as it goes, and don't worry about the 'what ifs and 'might bes.' If you keep going over the worst-case scenario, we're never going to be able to actually do it."
Josh took a deep breath, his muscles tensing as he pulled away. "Let's do it," he nodded. "Right now, before I lose my nerve."
Two hours later, after a variety of phone calls, all five guys were sitting around Josh's living room, empty pizza boxes scattered along the floor. Josh and Lance sat next to each other, leaning against the couch, and Lance looked over, nodding slightly at Josh's questioning gaze.
Josh cleared his throat. "Guys, Lance and I both have something to tell you, and we're not quite sure how you're going to react."
"What is it?" Justin asked, his voice thick with concern. "Is something wrong? Are one of you sick? Because that would explain..."
"No one's sick, Justin, relax," Lance interrupted. He turned, facing the couch, his eyes meeting Chris'. Chris smiled knowingly, giving Lance a thumbs-up, and Lance smiled slightly, gaining courage from the silent support.
Thank goodness Josh doesn't know how afraid I am, Lance thought. After all the time of telling him to just relax, my stomach is doing backflips right now.
"What's going on, guys?" Joey questioned curiously. "What's the big secret?"
Josh bit his lip, trying to find the right words to tell his friends the truth. "I'm...we're...well, what I'm trying to say is..."
"We're a couple," Lance finished in a burst of courage. "We have been for about a month now, but we've been hiding it. We've both been too scared of how you'd react to tell you, but we knew that there would come a time that we couldn't deny it any longer, and that time is now."
"We'll understand if you guys don't accept it, but it would be so much easier if we knew we had your support," Josh rambled. "We know this can't be public and we're more than fine with that, because the last thing we would ever want to do is jeopardize the group..."
"Hold up, C," Justin said with a chuckle. "You're getting way ahead of yourself there. You haven't even given us a chance to respond."
Josh shut his mouth, and they looked from one friend to another as they waited for an answer. "Well?" Lance asked, unable to bear the silence any longer.
"Congratulations," Chris said, smiling. "I have been wondering for awhile, but I wasn't going to ask, it wasn't my place."
Joey hugged Lance. "This explains everything," he said softly. "As long as you're happy, I'm happy."
"I'm very happy," Lance smiled. "Even happier now."
Justin was biting his lip, looking up as all eyes turned on him. "What?" he asked, blinking innocently.
"Don't play games, Curly," Josh warned. "You're the one I've been the most afraid of telling."
Justin rolled his eyes. "After all these years, if you don't know that I'm cool with it, then I don't know what to tell you, C."
Josh smiled, his blue eyes sparkling with emotion. "Really?"
Justin stood up, embracing Josh tightly. "You're a stupid stupid man, Joshua Scott Chasez," he admonished. "Of course, really. It's obvious that you two have something special, and we would be stupid if we didn't accept it whole-heartedly. You love one another, and that's all anyone can ask for."
Josh sniffled, wiping his eyes as he pulled away. Lance reached out his hand and Josh took it, squeezing gently.
"See, I told you," Lance whispered into Josh's ear, making him shiver. "This is love, and they know it."
***********
This Is Love
© 2001/Strawberry
You need to stop asking
What other people think
All that matters
Is how we feel
I don't know about you
But I want you as mine
For a lifetime
Because we're real
This is love
Right here and right now
This is love
And I don't know how
Anyone can deny
That we are right
Together
This is love
Just hold onto my hand
I'm not leaving your side
Baby don't doubt
The love we share
Don't misunderstand me
'Cause I'm afraid too
But trust in me
I'll be right there
This is love
Right here and right now
This is love
And I don't know how
Anyone can deny
That we are right
Together
This is love
(instrumental)
This is love
Right here and right now
This is love
And I don't know how
Anyone can deny
That we are right
Together
This is love