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December 21, 1998...
Some Thoughts.....
 Well, today is my last treatment. I never thought I'd get here, but I did. The infection is clearing up, after being *properly* treated by the regular nurse. The substitute nurse packed the infected area and then taped it, causing the infection to get worse. I'd asked her if I could take a shower, and she suggested using a hand-held shower and avoiding the packed area. Well, last Tuesday morning I tried showering, got the dressing wet and asked Charlie to remove the tape...unfortunately for both of us, it was the old fashioned adhesive tape and as he tried his very best to be gentle, skin started coming with it. All I could do was stand there and scream in pain. Needless to say, I wasn't in the best of moods when I went for treatment that afternoon, because I hurt. I stopped and bought a roll of tape that peeled off easily, went for my treatment, and walked out to the nurse's station for vitals and a dressing change. I handed the tape to the regular nurse and asked her to use that rather than the stuff in the drawer, and she told me they never tape a burn infection. I'd gone through a lot of pain and had the infection fester needlessly. If I'd seen the other nurse at that time, I'd probably have radiated her brain. I also found out that it was supposed to be cleaned and treated twice a day, something the part-time nurse didn't tell me. The oncologist and the regular nurse were upset that it hadn't been properly treated, and told me not to use tape, just the vaseline gauze and telfa pad if I had to wear a bra. With the proper treatment and care, the infection is gone, and the burns are healing. I shudder to think where I'd be had I followed the other nurse's instructions. I have had to go braless....even here in the office. The band on the bra rubs right where it's the most tender, so, I've bitten the bullet and left the underwear off for a while. Charlie has been my at-home nursing care, God bless him. I did try giving myself the treatment when he had to be up at 4:30 in the morning; understand that the *only* room in my house that is cat free is the bathroom...and a small one at that. Picture this nude, chubby lady lying on clean towels on her bathroom floor, holding a mirror under her breast, and doing a burn treatment, while *someone* on the other side of the door plays "catch the moving toes". Then picture this same unclad female with Thermadene cream properly applied, a Telfa pad stuck under her left breast attempting to lift herself off the floor without dislodging said pad, amid much grunting and wiggling, all the while avoiding having her toes ripped from her foot by a very determined bunch of cats. Ah yes, the joys of home medicine! The sense of accomplishment just being able to get up off the floor without pulling the toilet over on oneself! Sigh..... This has been a journey I never thought I'd take. I have tremendous admiration for those who have had to walk this path, and managed to do it with dignity, grace, and courage. A friend told me not too long ago, "Don't look at your scar as an object of fear, look at it as a mark of courage." How very true.....for every woman who has been there before me and for those who will walk this path after me....courage comes in many forms, and from the least looked for sources. I've met some wonderful people as I've walked, and some very brave ones too. What made a major difference for me was the staff at the Cancer Center. Their compassion and concern made me feel much better about what I was undergoing. Their willingness to answer questions and show me how and why things were done dispelled a lot of anxiety and fear. I've learned so much in the last few months, and knowledge is power. I realize that there are no guarantees this cancer will not recur, and that's scary; BUT, having been through this and been one of those blessed to have it caught early and small, I'll be able to handle a recurrence far better, because I'm informed...I've been to the battleground, been wounded, and recovered. Breast cancer is a never-ending battle. It is *still* a killer, and there are women dying from it every year. I was one of those women who had been told time and time again that I "couldn't" get cancer because there was no history of it in my family....well, now there is a history of it and my sister and nieces are aware of it. My diagnosis changes the family history. I'd much rather change it in a positive way, but we take what we're dealt. I don't intend to be a fatalist about my cancer and it's treatment, and I won't sit passively by and figure that "fate" has the upper hand. There are things in my life I can change to affect my future, and diet and exercise are two of them.
I didn't know how Charlie would handle all of this, and I'm so very proud of him. He's been there, by my side, encouraging me on my less bright and cheerful days, and helping with the burn treatment like a veteran. This has brought us so much closer....we've faced the enemy together, as a team, and until we hear otherwise, vanquished it. A cancer patient's partner and family are as vital a part of the treatment and therapy as anything else. Facing it together makes the mountain climbable, the enemy defeatable. Every one going through this has to know that it's okay to be angry, depressed, and weepy. Those are normal reactions to this type of diagnosis. You have a right to those emotions, but you can't let them rule you. As you go through treatment, you'll find that your instinct for survival will become very strong, and so will hope. Those women who have had to go through chemotherapy, radiation and mastectomy are remarkable, courageous people...I'm in awe of them. They've never given up hope, and they're survivors. This journal has been a diary of my thoughts and feelings as I went through radiation therapy. It's an important part of my life and always will be. I only hope that it has helped someone, or will help a woman who hears that same word I did - carcinoma. I hope she'll find her way here and know that there is hope, and survival. There's a part of me that's sad to see it come to a close, but happiness that there is an end in sight. I have to go in a week for a skin check, and then again in a month for followup...I don't know what that entails, but I'll do whatever I have to do to keep the cancer in remission and at bay. For all of you on this board who allowed me to write these entries and responded...."Thank you." It would have been a lonely journey without your encouragement, your good wishes and your friendship. Thank you doesn't say enough. For my friend Connie, thanks for the encouragement and love, and for your shoulder, my sister. And lastly, Charlie - soul mate and kindred spirit.....you've been my strength and my light, holding my hand every step of the way with infinite patience and good humor. This is a *very* special Christmas for me....I've been given the best gift I could ever wish for...a second chance at life...it came in a strange package, but it was a gift nonetheless. Linda
 Re: Some thoughts.. Thanks you so much for sharing this with us. You have been in my heart every moment of every day. Your words have been
such an inspiration to us all. I am truly honored to know you!! I think you should expand this into a book. Everyone no matter if
they are going through the same thing or not should read it. You are an amazing woman!
You will continue to have a place in my heart always!! ShirleyBo 07:52:02 12/22/98 (0)
Re: Some thoughts..My hat is off to both you and Charlie. You both displayed rare grace and courage in combating your disease. What a glorious
Christmas present you have given all of us! Rich 06:47:59 12/22/98 (0)
Thank YOU Linda for sharing this with us. You have helped so many people....nm CatladyDi 23:11:11 12/21/98 (0)
Linda, I pray things get better everyday. Charlie is...... Mou Chat 23:03:13 12/21/98 (0)
God bless both of you! Have a wonderful Christmas. nm Sharon R 21:10:02 12/21/98 (0)
Linda, you've given us a gift as well...Thank you for sharing your story with us and may you, Charlie and all of your furry kids have a wonderful, wonderful holiday.
You are one courageous lady! Fran 21:03:48 12/21/98 (0)
Wonderful!!! May God bless you and Charlie both in the coming years.....nm Sharon 20:03:44 12/21/98 (0)
God bless you and Charlie! nm Tik Tok 19:58:59 12/21/98 (0)
Re: Some thoughts..Oh, Linda, what a wonderful story. I like the ending.
Bless you and lots of {{{{{hugs}}}}}!!! lisaviolet 19:32:18 12/21/98 (0)
Once again, thank you. And God Bless you and Charlie in the New Year! nm Noofies 18:14:28 12/21/98 (0)
What a wonderful Christmas! Thank you Linda for sharing this journey and hope. You gave us ...... a rare and beautiful gift. Have a lovely Merry Christmas, and a Bright, Joyous New Year! Pat 17:31:56
12/21/98 (0)
Linda, you are a class act. Dignity, grace, and courage indeed. (msg)... I hope the New Year brings you all the blessings you deserve. And as for Charlie, hold onto him with all your strength. He has
shown remarkable strength and been such a support for you. Thank god you have him. Linda, THANK YOU for allowing us
to take this journey with you. You are truly an inspiration to all. I admire you so very much.
The best thing about your diary is your total honesty. When you hurt, you told us. And when you were down, you admitted it.
What strength you have. I admire you and Charlie greatly. And it's good to know that I now have a reference in case someone
I know is diagnosed with breast cancer in the future. Your journey is not ending, but just beginning. God bless you. Andrea 17:12:42 12/21/98 (0)
C-O-N-G-R-A-T-U-L-T-I-O-N-S! I'm dancing to Tally's music. message inside You are a very special lady. I can't really add anything to the comments that have already been made except to say that I've
been with you on your journey since you began.
You and Charlie's courage have made me understand that no matter what demons each of us may fight, if we face them head
on, shielded with the love of those around us, we can win.
Your gift of sharing this odessy with all of us has been one of the most special gifts I will treasure this Christmas and always. I
think there must have been a reason why your journey, and your victory, should end this week of all others. May it remind all of
us that David conquered Goliath with a slingshot. And you have conquered this most feared illness with faith, with love and with
friendship.
May you and Charlie share a most special and treasured Christmas together.
L-E-T-S C-E-L-E-B-R-A-T-E YOUR VICTORY!!!! willie 17:07:57 12/21/98 (0)
thank you Linda for the lesson you have taught us and for the example of courage you've given us....wishing you a most blessed Christmas and a very Happy New Year.... granny 16:51:32
12/21/98 (0)
Re: Some thoughts..We are proud of you too! Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas and New Year! DaffnMe - and Destiny 16:49:07 12/21/98 (0)
Re: Some thoughts..We are proud of you too! Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas and New Year! Naf 16:13:14 12/21/98 (0)
You got thru it & taught us, too. I hope '99 is a much better year for you. (((hugs))) nm blacatz 16:06:45 12/21/98 (0)
Re: Some thoughts..I can certainly understand your feelings. Isn't it unbelievable that people we are suppose to entrust ourselves to are less
knowledgeable than ourselves.
Thankfully, you're alright. will be praying for a permanent recovery for you. You've been through so much. God Bless. Val2 16:04:41 12/21/98 (0)
you should have a Welcome Home Party, you have returned from the land of the ill. Neko 16:03:48 12/21/98 (0)
You DID it! You and Charlie DID it! Get on those dancing shoes, we're CELEBRATING!! ... YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas to you and Charlie. Both Survivors. Both incredible people. Both my
heros! I'm HAPPY DANCING here!!!! Do you think we should change the music on your website? VBG
:)) BTW, your site is now on a Breast Cancer Ring! Linda & Charlie, thank you so much for having the
courage to share this with all of us. God Bless you Both! Tally 15:38:29 12/21/98 (8)
CONGRATULATIONS, Linda!!! Big-time happydancing going on right here! I'm proud of you! n/m cindy
19:38:06 12/21/98 (0)
Hey! hey! hey! What a happy day!! Lots of prayers in thanksgiving ... Tiger's Mom 17:42:09 12/21/98 (0)
I'm here!! What a great party to join in! Happy Dance! Yahoo, Linda and Charlie, Bless you both.n Peggy
17:22:01 12/21/98 (0)
YAAAAAAHOOO! GO LINDA! GO CHARLIE! What a party! Kat 17:11:29 12/21/98 (1)
PS "I WILL SURVIVE!" PURRRFECT! SORRY I KNOW I'M SHOUTING! I'M HAPPY
DANCING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kat 17:14:59 12/21/98 (0)
Tally, thanks for throwing this party for Linda & Charlie. Happy Dancing over here, too!!! nm Andrea 16:57:25
12/21/98 (0)
Re:Thoughts...Your thoughts bring tears to my eyes as I read. I am so glad you have made it through this. You have courage that goes way
beyond what we can read here.
Have a Wonderfully Merry Christmas and a Great New Year. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with all of us. janice 15:09:37 12/21/98 (0)
Thank YOU!... ..for sharing your thoughts and experiences with so much wit and wisdom. You deserve the happiest of holidays!!
Libby KitKat's Mama 14:04:43 12/21/98 (0)
Merry Christmas and a very Bright and Happy New Year ...Thank you for sharing your journey with us. If we go thought the same thing one day, I know we will think of you and the
inspiration you have given us with your courage and gentle humour along the way. God Bless and ((hugs)) Shadow 13:21:38 12/21/98 (0)
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