Nathan lay on his bunk snatching the first few minutes’ rest he’d had that day. They’d gone to the bottom to make more repairs and his X-O had suggested that he try to sleep. He was beginning to wonder how the boat was even staying together at all. They badly needed some downtime, a visit to homeport for a complete overhaul and some r‘n’r… but he couldn’t see that happening any time soon. There were definite drawbacks to being captain of a submarine that hardly ever needed to surface. He smiled to himself… Well, he’d designed it that way – it served him right. His thoughts inevitably returned to Kristin…

He couldn’t believe that it had been six months since they’d left her on the island… six months to the day. He was grateful now that he’d taken the time to write the letter. The one he’d slipped into her bag before it went onto the launch with the rest of the supplies, he only hoped she’d found it. He tortured himself nightly about that. What if she hadn’t, or worse, if she’d thrown it away without reading it? No… no… she wouldn’t do that. She had to have some feelings for him, after all she’d kept his photograph and she’d said she loved him. And he couldn’t have imagined the passion in their lovemaking, unless it had just been for old times’ sake.

He’d poured his heart and soul into that letter but she’d never replied – not one word. He hoped and prayed that it was because the mail was being held up on his end. After all, he’d learned that she’d been reassigned to Honolulu, so she was out of harm’s way. No… her reply had to be lost somewhere.

The fighting had tailed off over the past month as the UEO and her allies gradually gained the upper hand and that had made it more difficult for him. Whilst he’d been busy looking after the boat and crew he hadn’t had time to dwell on why he hadn’t heard from her, but now…

The other officers had heard from their family and loved ones but he hadn’t had anything apart from the odd note from Janet Noyce. He’d scoured her letters for mention of Kristin, but nothing. He told himself that that had to be expected… after all no one knew they were even considering getting back together, but that didn’t stop the hurt.

In an effort to keep his mind occupied he’d taken to helping the repair crews with their work. At the moment he was precariously balanced on top of a supply cupboard above one of the many stairwells rewiring a lighting circuit. The alert klaxons startled him and he quickly tried to make good his repair before going to the bridge but an explosion outside sent the sub reeling and he could feel himself falling. Futilely he groped around for something to anchor himself to but only found thin air. He toppled from his perch and fell towards the open well, making a vain attempt to grab the rail and missing, feeling an excruciating pain in his back as he hit and then went feet-first down the metal stairs. He just managed to cover his head with his arms before the steel cupboard came down on top of him.

Ceilings… If he never saw another ceiling again it would be too soon, they had to be one of the most boring canvasses ever created. Stars… give him stars and clouds, any time. No more ceilings, he vowed to himself and then laughed at the irony of it all.

“Nathan?”

He turned his head slightly on the pillow. “Wendy.” He’d become accustomed to seeing her at his bedside every day and even looked forward to it.

“Are you in pain?”

“No more than usual.”

“I’ll get you something for it.” She rubbed his shoulder sympathetically.

“Thanks.” He turned his gaze upward again, closing his eyes but still seeing the spidery pattern of the paint on the inside of his lids.

“I hear you’re being sprung today.” The white-coated medic smiled at Bridger as he finished reading the notes in his hand.

“About damn time... Two months in one hospital and four-and-a-half in another would try the patience of a saint.”

“And you, Captain Bridger, are no saint.”

“Yeah I know.” He tried to sound contrite. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. I’m still amazed that you’ll be walking out of here on your own two feet.”

“I told you I would.”

“She must be quite a woman.”

“She is… And I have a promise to keep.” There was a scowl on his face which didn’t quite match his words. “Any last minute instructions for me to ignore…?”

“Nathan, I know you’re in a rush but remember, you did fracture your spine – badly, you’ll need to take things slowly at first. I’ve written you a prescription for painkillers and you’re to do no heavy lifting or strenuous exercise for the next month. You’re still under my care and you won’t be able to go flying off until I say so. Understood?”

“Don’t worry Dan I’ll make sure he doesn’t.” Wendy Smith’s voice sounded from behind them. “…Ready to go Sailor?” She felt him flinch just as he always did when she addressed him that way. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay.”

She knew it wasn’t, she did it deliberately, using his reaction as a yardstick to see how much of a threat Kristin Westphalen was and she didn’t like the intensity of feeling he still had for the woman. Although since he’d been in the hospital it had turned from concern to anger, he still thought about her far too much.

Nathan was pleased that he’d managed to get through all the medic’s tests without flinching… Okay, so the last one had caught him out, but what the hell…

”Okay Nathan, I’m suitably impressed, but…”

His heart fell.

“You still have a way to go, I’m sure you know that.”

He nodded reluctantly.

“I’ll prescribe you some more painkillers and you have my permission to resume light duties.” Nathan got up to leave. “And I want you back here in six weeks or sooner, if you have any problems.”

“Aye-aye, Sir.” Bridger grinned.

“Will you get the hell out of here!? Go celebrate or something.”

“Thanks, I think I’ll do just that.” He walked out of the office and into the waiting room where Wendy sat impatiently.

“Well?”

“Free as a bird.” He raised his arms as though they were wings and flapped them.

“Nathan.” The woman admonished.

“Well, for six weeks anyway… and I’m under Doctor’s orders to celebrate. Where would you like to go?”

She pondered for a moment. “How about my place…? A little dinner, a little dancing, a little…” She left the sentence hanging.

“You don’t have a place,” Bridger laughed. “You have a hotel suite.”

“Which means, that I don’t have to cook… for which, you’ll be eternally grateful no doubt. I’m a terrible cook.”

“So was…” He cut himself off, not wanting to go there. There was no way he was going to let her spoil today. He offered Wendy his arm. “Shall we?”

“We shall.” She slipped her arm through his and they walked cheerfully to the door.

Nathan dabbed his lips with his napkin. “That was delicious.”

“More wine?”

“I’m not sure I should.”

“Oh come on Nathan, it’s not as though you’re going to be driving anywhere.” She pointed to the two empty bottles for proof of her statement.

He shrugged and held out his glass for a refill. Wendy walked to the CD player and pushed the button. “Now, I believe you promised me a dance.”

“I believe I did.” He held out his open arms and she moved into them.

“This is nice.”

“Yes… yes it is…” He pulled her closer. “It’s been a long time.”

“For both of us…”

“Mmm…” 

Her hands slid up his back as she laid her cheek against his chest and Nathan responded by resting his on her hair, willing himself to just go with the feeling.

Wendy had been a wonderful companion over the last months, always ready when he needed help… reading to him to stave off the boredom. She’d insisted that she was just doing her job but to him it had been more than that, much more. And, as they’d talked and he’d found out more about her, their friendship had deepened and grown. He didn’t love her, well not deeply or passionately, he hadn’t allowed himself to but he cared for her a great deal and he knew she loved him…

Sensing his thoughts Wendy looked up and smiled, her eyes hungry and inviting, and he melted, need and loneliness getting the better of him. Lowering his head he kissed her, gently at first, and then with growing fervour. She pulled away slowly. “Give me a few minutes.”

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak lest he broke the mood. He wanted her… For the first time he wanted someone other than… 

“Nathan…” She could read him like a book, knew all his doubts and fears.

He walked into the bedroom, now lit with candles, the music from the other room still audible. Wendy stood before him, dressed only in lacy black underwear, which left very little to the imagination and his body reacted in the same way any full-blooded male’s would. Closing the distance between them he took her in his arms and held her tightly, his lips tracing a path down her throat and along her shoulder as she began to undress him all the way down to his boxers. They fell onto the bed together as he continued to caress her body, her hands softly stroking his back, his legs, his…

“Kristin…” He gasped breathlessly.

Wendy bolted upright as though she’d been stung and Nathan stared at her in confusion. “Wendy, what’s wrong…?”

“Nice of you to remember my name,” she spat out.

“Sorry?” His brain was having trouble switching from one emotion to another. “Of course I know your name.”

“Then why the hell did you call me Kristin?” She hissed out the last word.

“I didn’t… I… I… I did.” He sat up, raising his knees and resting his forehead on them. “God Wendy, I’m so sorry.” His desire had evaporated to be replaced by remorse and guilt.

“You’re sorry? Think how I feel…” She got up and grabbed her robe, slipping her arms into it and tying the belt tightly around her waist.

“I don’t know what to say.” Bridger whispered.

“Why, Nathan? Were you thinking about her all the time we were… we were… dancing?”

“You know I wasn’t. It was a mistake, a stupid mistake. Haven’t you ever called someone by the wrong name?”

“No! Well, maybe once…” She almost smiled.

“I am sorry, Wendy. I wouldn’t have hurt you for the world. It’s just that when you’ve been with someone… loved someone the way…” He shut up realising that he was just making matters worse.

“Does that mean that the first time with Kristin,” she almost choked on the words. “You called her Carol?”

Nathan knew he was in trouble, he thought about lying to her but she would read it in his thoughts anyway. “No… I never called her Carol.” He admitted honestly. A memory of himself and Kristin in bed together sprang unbidden into his mind. She was nothing like Carol, he thought. She was much more… Realising that she could probably see what he was thinking, he blocked the vision regretfully but when he looked at her he knew it was too late. Could see the hurt in her eyes… “Wendy, I…”

“You can sleep in here tonight, I’ll use the couch.” She made her way to the door, slamming it behind her and leaving Nathan staring in her wake.

After a few minutes he fell back against the pillow, throwing his forearm over his eyes. “Jesus Kristin, what have you done to me?”

His revelation the next morning did nothing to heal the rift between them… 

“Wendy, I have to… can’t you see that? If I don’t find out what happened, why she never got in touch, I’ll never be free.”

“No Nathan, I don’t see! I don’t understand why you feel you have to go chasing after her. If she loved you she’d have come to see you in the hospital!”

“Perhaps she didn’t know where to find me.”

Wendy shook her head in disbelief. “She only had to ask.”

Nathan knew that that was true, but while there was still a niggling doubt in his mind, he had to pursue it. He turned to the woman and kissed her lightly on the cheek. “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, I really am grateful.”

Grateful… the word tore at her soul. “Where will you start?”

“With Bill, take care of yourself Wendy.” He carefully lifted his bag onto his shoulder and made his way to the door. As soon as it closed behind him, Wendy Smith picked up the nearest vase and hurled it, watching as it shattered into a million pieces. 

“Damn you Kristin Westphalen! Damn you to hell!” 

“Nathan!” The Secretary-General of the UEO rose from his chair and hurried over to greet his friend, remembering at the last moment not to slap him on the back as he usually did. “It’s good to see you up and around.”

“It’s good to see you too, Bill. How’s Janet?”

“She’s fine. Would you like a drink?”

“I’d love one.” He grimaced as he sat down.

“Is it bad, old friend?” Bill asked with concern.

“Comes and goes.” He took the glass Noyce offered him. “Thanks.”

“So… how’s Wendy?” The older man asked as he returned to his seat.

Nathan pulled a face. “She’s fine too.”

“Your very own Florence Nightingale.”

“More like Mother Hen… No… no… that’s not fair, she’s been great.”

“But… I sense a ‘but’ in there.”

“She’s not… Never mind,” He shook his head to clear it. “Bill, I need your help.”

“Anything my friend, you know that.”

“I have to find Kristin.”

Bill couldn’t hide his surprise. “I thought that was over?”

“It was… and then it wasn’t. I want to get everything sorted out once and for all. Is she still in Honolulu?”

The Secretary-General looked confused. “Honolulu?”

“Yes. I was told she was reassigned there.”

“I’m not sure that I understand. Kristin *was* scheduled to go to Hawaii but she never showed up. I thought you knew where she was.”

“The last time I saw her was almost two years ago when we left her on Line Island.”

“You left her… Jesus Nathan, I knew you were having problems with her being on the boat, but stranding her on a desert island was a bit excessive wasn’t it?” He laughed.

Nathan wasn’t amused. “Look humour me would you Bill, don’t forget I’ve been flat on my back and completely out of touch for months.”

“Sorry, old friend.” Bill looked suitably embarrassed. “The last we heard, seaQuest had picked up Dr. Westphalen and her people from Macronesia. We were told that Kristin had been injured and would be staying on the sub until she was well enough to take up her post in Honolulu, then nothing…”

“But Frank told me…”

“Frank Thomas?” He interrupted. “You know he’s under investigation, don’t you? Rumour has it that he assaulted some of his own men when they wouldn’t obey an order even though it would have been a suicide mission.”

“Christ! I knew he was living on the edge, but…”

“Seems like he toppled off that edge…” Noyce commented.

“He told me that he was going to request a UEO Force for the island and he assigned Kristin to head up a medical team, said he’d cleared it with you.”

Bill leaned over and punched a few keys on his computer bringing up the relevant files. “No. No request came through here.”

“It must have.”

“Did you say he left a group of medical people?”

“Yes… six seaQuest nurses, and Kristin.”

“I suppose you can’t remember their names?”

“No, but give me a half-hour and the use of a cell-phone and I can find out.”

“You’ve got it.” He glanced at his monitor screen again. “You did know that both Main and Line Island and their Dependencies were occupied three days after seaQuest left, didn’t you?”

Bridger’s eyes closed and he gritted his teeth as he put everything together. “No… No I didn’t. Where’s Thomas now?”

“Nathan, it won’t do any good to confront him.”

“Maybe not, but it’ll make me feel a whole lot better.”

“And what about your back… How are you going to be able to find Kristin, if you cripple yourself?”

Bridger swore. “Good point.” He sighed. “I’ll be back.”

True to his word, Nathan was back in Bill’s office within thirty minutes…

“What are you going to do?” The older man asked worriedly.

“Go out there; see if I can find out what happened to her.”

“Forgive me for asking but if I remember it right, you two had called it a day... why this sudden concern for her welfare?”

Nathan smiled sadly, “Because the moment I saw her again, I knew I’d made a terrible mistake in letting her go.”

“But she was the one who left. It was Kristin who took the overseas assignment when it came up.”

“Yeah, but it was something she had always wanted to do and I shouldn’t have tried to stop her.”

“It was for two months, and you’d both agreed…”

“I know, but I *was* still working on seaQuest Bill, and I’m the one who let you talk me into taking her out  for the shakedown cruise when I promised I wouldn’t.”

“That was only for two weeks. How could she object to that?”

“She didn’t.” He sighed. “But when she told me about the overseas assignment I was angry and I immediately signed on for the third tour out of spite. It all seems so stupid now. Anyhow, it wasn’t what we did that was the problem; it was what we didn’t do.”

“I don’t understand.”

“We never talked. We never discussed what we wanted; we just made up our minds separately and expected the other to agree. It became a matter of principle and pride in the end, and neither of us would back down, no matter what the cost.”

“What changed?”

“She got hurt. She almost died in my arms Bill… do you have any idea how that feels?”

“No old friend, I don’t.”

“And I pray that you never have to find out. It puts everything into perspective… Shows you what’s really important. I lost Carol but, for whatever reason, I was given a second chance with Kristin and I’m not going to throw it away. I love her Bill, I’ve always loved her, I was just too stupid to realise it.”

“And does she feel the same?”

“That’s what I have to find out.”

“Very well old friend, I’ll see that you get all the necessary passes and travel permits and in the meantime, I’ll see what I can find out about these people.” He waved the list of names Nathan had given him in the air.

“Thank you.” Getting up, he took Bill’s hand for a moment before walking to the door and opening it.

“And Nathan…”

“Yes?”

“Good luck. I hope you find her, really I do. If there’s anything else you need…”

“I’ll ask. Goodbye Bill and thank you. Give my love to Janet.”

He was dog-tired and his back hurt like hell. All of the travelling between islands was taking more of a toll on him than he was prepared to admit, that and the many disappointments.

He sat in the small bar once again on Main Island and surveyed the outside world. The damaged buildings and pot-holed roads, the work and demolition crews… It was in stark contrast to the Dependencies he’d been visiting. The people there lived the traditional life of their ancestors. There was no electricity, no bars, not even any towns… just villages joined by dirt tracks and run by an Elder from each settlement who reported to the Governor here. A totally different lifestyle, free of technology… It was no surprise now that they had been overrun as quickly as they had, there were very few defences. He stretched slightly and grimaced.

“Captain Bridger.”

Looking up he saw the smartly dressed young man who had been helping him since he’d arrived almost three weeks ago. 

“Sir, we have another lead.”

After a dozen or so dead ends it was hard for him to summon any enthusiasm, in fact he’d been considering giving up and going home.

“Sir…?”

Bridger sighed, “Where?”

“On one of the outer islands Captain, it’s a long journey by boat and it can get quite rough, maybe we should…”

“I’ve come this far, John, I might as well follow it through, but if it’s another waste of time then I think I’ll go home.”

“Yes Sir.” The defeat and pain etched into the older man’s features prompted him to add, “We’ll keep looking though and if we hear anything definite we’ll be in contact.”

“I’d appreciate that. Now, how do I get to this island?”

The man hadn’t been exaggerating… Being a sailor he was used to rough seas and they didn’t usually bother him, but every time they’d hit a wave it had jarred his spine until he was in almost constant agony, despite the painkillers he’d been taking. By the time he reached his destination he’d made up his mind that this would be his last stop. He’d given the boat owner a message to pass on to John and via him to the UEO, requesting that he be picked up in four days.

Stepping onto the beach he gingerly picked up his bag and looked around. It was completely deserted but seeing what looked like a man-made track, he started along it and into the trees, hoping it led to what passed for civilisation here. He guessed he’d walked about half a mile when he suddenly stepped into a clearing and found himself on the edge of a village. Two children spotted him and ran into one of the huts, coming out again in a few seconds accompanied by a tall, good-looking man who made his way over to greet him.

“My name is Benjamin… I am the Elder of this village.”

Nathan smiled at the name, wondering if it was a good omen. “Nathan Bridger.” He replied taking the man’s outstretched hand and shaking it.

“You have come from the big island?”

“Yes.”

“It is a very long way, you must be tired. Come, we’ll find you something to eat and drink.”

Nathan sighed. He’d learned the hard way that these people weren’t to be rushed. They were proud of their hospitality to strangers and took it as the greatest of insults if it was snubbed. “Thank you.”

“You are most welcome.”

Finally, after a meal fit for a king and several glasses of the local brew, Benjamin turned to him. “Now Nathan Bridger, tell me why you are here.”

“I’m looking for someone… a woman.”

“And what makes you think that she is on this island?”

Nathan bit back the urge to say ‘here we go again’ and explained what had happened two years ago. The first time he’d done it he’d had a hard time controlling his emotions but now it came out parrot-fashion, absolutely word perfect.

“I see.” His host stated at the end of his monologue. “And this doctor, she is important to you?”

“She’s my wife.” Nathan had already resigned himself to the fact that this was yet another dead end.

“She is not here.” He felt a crushing disappointment and missed the man’s next sentence. 

“What did you say?” His last words had finally penetrated his alcohol and despair ridden brain.

“I asked if it is Kristin that you are looking for.”

“Yes.” He replied breathlessly, his throat constricting as his vision misted over.  “You know where she is?”

“She is in one of our other villages. My friend Minato has been looking after her.”

Nathan stood abruptly, all thoughts of the pain in his back forgotten. “I have to see her. How do I get there?”

“Patience Nathan, patience… It will be dark in a very few minutes. I will arrange for someone to take you there tomorrow, for now you must rest.”

Bridger nodded, but inside he fairly screamed with frustration. So close… he was so damn close.

“Good morning, Nathan.” Benjamin offered his hand and Nathan shook it.

“Good morning.”

“You look tired, did you not sleep well?”

Truth was he hadn’t slept at all. “So… so…”

“Well, maybe we should delay your little expedition until you’re feeling better.”

Bridger was appalled and risked offending his new found friend when he almost shouted, “No…” And then more quietly “…No, I’m fine, really.”

“Then we will have some breakfast and I’ll introduce you to your guide.”

The Elder of this village greeted him like a long lost friend, leaving him completely confused. “Captain Bridger, it’s nice to meet you in person at last.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t recall…”

“It’s alright Captain, we’ve never met, but I have seen your photograph and heard stories about you many times. Forgive me, I am Minato.”

Nathan shook his hand. “Then she really is here.”

“Yes, she’s here.”

He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Thank God.”

“Captain…”

“Call me Nathan, please.”

“Very well, Nathan… You should know… she’s not the same woman you left here two years ago.”

The words terrified him. “What do you mean?”

“She’s lost.”

“Lost?”

“Yes. Her spirit is lost.”

“I don’t understand.” He declared almost angrily.

“Maybe you should see for yourself, I just wanted to prepare you. She’s in here.”

Bridger’s stomach was tying itself in knots as his mind imagined her injured, badly scarred or worse. Minato tapped on the door of the hut and then went in. Nathan hesitated for a moment then taking a deep breath did the same, blinking his eyes to adjust them to the much lower light level. For a moment he thought the man had made a terrible mistake…

The woman stood with her back to them as she stared out of a small glassless window. She was in native dress, her feet bare as were her legs, except for a flower chain around one ankle. The legs themselves were deeply tanned and so were her arms. Her dress was simple, a brownish-coloured material gathered in at the waist by a leather belt. She was painfully thin… her shoulder-blades very prominent, but the hair… the luxurious auburn tresses were definitely hers. They were longer than he remembered and braided with flowers here and there but hers just the same.

“Kristin…” He whispered her name almost reverently and then gave his companion a confused and somewhat disappointed look when she didn’t respond.

Minato smiled sadly. “Kristin, there’s someone here to see you.”

The woman jumped and Nathan’s anticipation grew as she started to turn… Just the thought of seeing her face again, after months and months of a lifeless photograph… She finally faced him and… nothing. Not a sign of recognition.

“Kristin…?”

She didn’t speak, just stared at him with lifeless eyes for a few seconds and then returned to the window.

Nathan looked at Minato helplessly, seeing the pity in his eyes, and it was more than he could take… He fled outside. A few minutes later the younger man joined him and they sat together by the small wood fire. Nathan poked it absently.

“What happened to her?” He whispered in a choked voice.

“I told you before, she’s lost.”

“Why? How…?”

“You know that we were overrun?”

“Yes.”

“When the soldiers your General promised didn’t come, our people gave up.”

Bridger could still be angry about that. “I’m sorry… If I’d known…”

Minato put a hand on his arm. “How could you? You were obeying orders… you couldn’t know that inside he had a black heart.”

“Mindless military drone.” Nathan muttered.

“Sorry?”

“Nothing… just something someone said once.”

He didn’t seem to want to elaborate so Minato continued with his account. “Our life seemed to go on pretty much as it always had and then they realised they were losing the war… They became cruel… They did terrible things to our men… our women…” He paused and removed his shirt, turning so that Bridger could see the whip marks on his back.

“Kristin?” He asked in a small voice.

“No. No…” He reassured him. “They left her alone for the most part. I think they planned to use her later, as a bargaining tool.”

“Then how…?”

Minato put up a hand to ask him to be patient. “As things grew worse we were forced to leave our villages, go on long marches… even the women and children. Kristin never once complained - just took care of them as best she couuld with the meagre supplies she could carry. It was an endless task.”

“What happened to the other nurses?”

“We never found out. Kristin always blamed herself for that… The fighting gradually intensified and we were all taken by boat from one place to another, always losing people on the way. We had no idea what was going to happen to us. I think we’d all resigned ourselves to the fact that we were going to die.

“One morning we woke up to the sound of explosions, there were shells falling from the sky like rain. UEO shells… We tried to take cover but one young girl ran out into the open, she was so scared. Kristin went after her and a shell hit close by. They were both hurt yet still she tried to reach the frightened child but it was too late.” There were tears on his cheeks as he continued, “She was my baby sister… We looked after Kristin as best we could for days and days as she hovered between life and death… She called for you, you know… over and over.”

Nathan bit back his own tears.

“She kept asking why you hadn’t come back for her. Up until that moment she was always sure you would…”

“I wanted to… I would have, if I could… ” His voice was anguished.

“I know that. After the fever broke she slept for a long time and she woke as you see her now. She hasn’t spoken since.”

“How long…?”

“Almost seven months.”

He looked appalled. “But the UEO came through here when it was all over.”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t they help her?”

“They were only interested in the fit and healthy, those they could use to demonstrate their success, maybe if they’d known who she was… but we didn’t know her name… she was always Kristin.”

“Is she…” He’d gone from being elated to deflated, almost broken. “Is she…?” God, he couldn’t even bring himself to say the word, so he turned it on its head. “Is she sane?”

“She’s lost.” He repeated.

“But is…”

“She’s not crazy, if that’s what you mean…” Minato finished for him. “She’s just as you see her. She knows everything that is happening around her. If one of us gets hurt in any way, she tends to us as a doctor would, but her spirit is locked deep inside.”

“Does she *ever* speak?”

“No… Nor laugh, smile, or even cry… Look, I think you’ve had quite enough for one day; you should get some rest, Nathan. I’ll show you where you can stay.”

“Thank you.” He replied absently.

He tossed and turned on his cot unable to sleep at all, Kristin’s lifeless eyes haunting his every thought. Every time he closed his own, he could see them. He could almost visualise everything she’d been through in their depths. This wasn’t how he’d imagined it… He’d thought, he no longer remembered what he’d thought. It had all been so stupid…

She was supposed to have been waiting on the beach for him, exactly where he’d left her two years ago… Two years… Two years of planning what they’d do. It seemed so ridiculous now but it was the only thing that had got him through. He laid back and stared at the ceiling waiting for the dawn to break and not knowing what the hell he was going to do when it did.

Whether it was down to stress, too many strange beds, or just over-exertion, he didn’t know, all he knew was that his back hurt, it hurt like hell. Unable to stand it for another second, he struggled into a sitting position and grabbed his bag, rummaging through it until he located his pills. He was surprised and somewhat dismayed to find that he was down to his last two, and wondered if he’d be able to last without any until he was picked up.

Deciding to try just one, he popped it into his mouth and swallowed it with some water, lying back and trying to relax. Half-an-hour later it hadn’t even taken the edge off, so reluctantly he took the last one.

When he woke it was halfway through the morning. He moved gingerly and was relieved to find that the ache was almost bearable. He made his way to Minato’s hut but finding it empty, he walked towards one of the small fires and sat down. He desperately needed to talk to the man, ask his advice about Kristin. A shadow loomed beside him.

“Good morning Nathan.”

“Afternoon, more like.” Nathan smiled.

Minato noticed the lines of fatigue on his face, which was paler than usual. “Are you alright? You don’t look well.”

“Rough night”

“I understand.”

He sat down on the opposite side of the fire and began absently to stoke it. Two children who were playing nearby let out a sudden shriek and both men turned to see what was happening. Nathan gasped out loud, his hand shooting round to his spine and pressing against it.

“Nathan, what’s wrong?”

He didn’t answer, he couldn’t… It was taking all his willpower not to cry out.

“Nathan?” Minato crouched in front of him, noting the sweat beaded on his forehead and the way he bit on his bottom lip.

“Pain,” He managed to choke out.

“Do you have something for it?”

“Ran out… Christ, it hurts.”

The man knew him well enough to realise that he wasn’t exaggerating. “Can you walk?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Children go and find Kristin, now!”

They returned after a few minutes, each holding one of the woman’s hands as they brought her to the Elder. Kristin didn’t need to be told there was a problem. Minato moved to the side as she got down on her knees at Bridger’s feet. Reaching out she tilted his chin so that she could see his face, when he didn’t respond to her she ran her hand gently down his cheek. Nathan gasped again but this time, it had nothing to do with the pain. In frustration she looked to Minato.

“Nathan, you have to tell her what’s wrong. She can’t help unless you do.”

Between gritted teeth, he managed to tell them what had happened to him and despite everything he found it more than a little hurtful that she didn’t react in any way to the agony he’d gone through. He also found it very disconcerting that Minato knew what Kristin was thinking and wanting without having to hear it spoken; one glance and he understood.

“I’ll be back in a moment.”

Nathan was still taking slow deep breaths but his stomach suddenly lurched and he knew he was going to be sick. Turning away from the woman as best he could, he started to retch, feeling a hand stroking his hair and shoulders, his disappointment even more profound when he realised that it was the children who were caring for him. Minato returned and handed him a glass.

“Drink this.”

“I’m not sure I can.”

Kristin looked at Minato again. “You must Captain.”

“What is it?”

“Does it matter?”

As he drained the glass he started to feel a little woozy and briefly wondered if they’d decided to put him out of his misery. Five minutes later and the pain began to ease, at least enough that he could straighten up a little.

“Do you think that you can walk now?”

“I’ll try. What about that?” He indicated the mess he’d made.

“Don’t worry, someone will clear it up. Come…” With the younger man’s help he was able to walk the short distance to his hut.

“Thank you.” He turned to Kristin, “And, thank you Baby.” Just for a second he thought he saw a flicker of something in her eyes but it was quickly gone and he realised that it had probably been wishful thinking.

“I want you to lie down on your front, but first we need to remove your shirt.”

“Why?”

“Trust me, Nathan.” As he tried to find a comfortable position, Minato continued to speak. “We have no modern medicines here, we only use traditional methods.”

“I’m not sure how that’s going to help. What I need is a healthy dose of painkiller.”

“It may, Nathan Bridger… it may. You have to lie perfectly still. The pain may get worse before it gets better, but it will get better.”

“If you say so,” He muttered doubtfully.

“Tell me about your submarine.”

While Nathan talked he could feel a warm glow, travelling over his back… A soothing warmth… that was until it found the right spot and he cried out in agony.

“Relax Nathan, it will ease in a very few moments.”

As he panted his way through the pain, he risked a glance over his shoulder. Kristin was kneeling on the floor beside him, her right hand extremely close to but not touching his bare skin. It was from there that the heat emanated. Nathan laughed aloud. “Faith healing…?”

“Some call it that, and I can see that with all your scientific knowledge, you reject the notion. So did Kristin, once.”

“I don’t reject it, I just don’t believe in it.”

“Then it is a good thing that it’s not you that needs to have faith, Nathan, it’s the healer who has to believe. Although a certain amount from you would probably help…” He smiled. “You feel it, don’t you?”

Nathan gasped again as the heat intensified and much to his surprise, the pain began to dissipate.

Minato saw the change in his expression and grinned knowingly. “You see, hocus-pocus does have its place.”

He was beginning to feel sleepy as Kristin continued her work on him, his eyes drifting shut. As suddenly as it had come, the warmth on his back disappeared and he felt bereft, moaning with disappointment.

“You must rest now and try not to move too much.”

Kristin appeared in his line of vision as she bent down to check on him, studying his face before laying a now cool hand on his forehead and smoothing the palm down over his eyes to close them. He found he had no inclination to open them again.

 Whether there was something in the faith healing or it was just his drug-induced sleep he didn’t know, but when he awoke at sunset the pain had returned to its usual dull ache, for which, he would be eternally grateful. He hadn’t experienced pain like that since the accident had first happened. He made his way outside and immediately saw Minato sitting in his usual spot.

“Nathan…” The man beamed delightedly. “Feeling better?”

“Much… thank you.” He sat down on the vacant seat.

“Don’t thank me, thank Kristin.”

“I will, when I see her.” Bridger replied wistfully. “Just what was in that drink you gave me by the way?”

The younger man smiled again. “Oh, roots and herbs… I’m afraid I can’t tell you what they are, it’s a secret handed down by word of mouth through the generations. Although, when we told Kristin the ingredients, she said that in your world, she’d have been arrested for even possessing some of them.”

Nathan smiled a knowing smile. “Ah, I see… then that would explain the dreams…” He flushed as he thought of them.

“They keep your mind from the pain.”

“They certainly do.” A thought occurred to him. “If you aren’t permitted to tell outsiders about the… formula, then how does Kristin know it?”

“She is one of us.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Our people made her an honorary member of our village for what she has done for us.”

“Did you know her from the outset?”

“No. When *they* came to our village she was with them. They’d taken her in an earlier raid on one of the other islands.”

Nathan’s eyes closed as he was wracked with guilt.

“Do not blame yourself Nathan, Kristin told us what happened and it wasn’t your fault. She loved you very much, you know.”

“What else did she tell you?” He asked curiously.

“She mainly talked to the children, telling them stories of the brave and fearless UEO captain and his great submarine…”

Bridger snorted.

“She was very proud of you.”

“I left her to die.”

“But she didn’t die… she survived. Your photograph and the letter pulled her through.”

“The letter… She read it?” He asked softly.

“Of course... It gave her so much happiness. She was heartbroken when she had to leave it behind.”

Nathan was fighting a losing battle with his emotions and quickly changed the subject. “What else did she tell the children?”

“Their favourite story was far too fantastic to be true; it was about a young boy and a dolphin that talked.”

“Lucas and Darwin,” He smiled.

“Darwin? The story really was true then?” He asked in surprise.

“Maybe I’m not the only one who needs to have a little faith here?” Bridger teased. “Yes, it’s true.”

Minato shook his head. “A talking dolphin… You live and learn Nathan, you live and learn…”

He spent the next hour explaining about vocoders and Lucas, surprised by the amount that the Elder knew about present day technology.

“Nathan, you must realise that we had most of the things you’ve talked about. The majority of us are from the big island but we chose to come out here, live the traditional life.”

Before he could inquire further, dinner arrived.

“You are hungry?”

He was shocked to find that he was. “Yes.”

“Then eat, we will talk some more, later.”

When he finally returned Nathan was still in the same spot, staring into the fire. Minato handed him a drink. “You look as though you need this.”

“I do… thanks.” He took it gratefully.

“Is the pain worse?”

“No. No, it’s fine.”

“Then what is troubling you, Nathan Bridger?” He asked as he resumed his place by the fire.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“About Kristin…?”

He nodded. “They’re going to be picking me up tomorrow. I came here to find her if I could, and take her home, but now… I don’t know what to do.”

“Do you love her?”

His voice was thick with emotion as he whispered, “Yes, very much.”

“No Nathan, I don’t mean the woman she was, the one you remember… Do you love the woman you see now?”

“Yes.” His voice didn’t falter and Minato knew it to be true.

“Then take her home.”

“How can I?” He asked despairingly. “She’s so much a part of your world now. Dammit, I can’t even communicate with her! I don’t know what she wants or needs… How she feels… What she’s trying to say… It wouldn’t be fair! You understand her with just a look…” His voice had risen and a few of the people around the next fire turned to look at him. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” He covered his face with his hands and tried to calm down.

“I know how hard this must be for you. How disappointed you must be.”

Nathan sighed, in truth he was far more than disappointed, he was crushed. “It’s my fault she’s like this.”

“Kristin never blamed you for anything, so why should you blame yourself.”

“Because I abandoned her...”

“And now you’ve come back. You kept your promise. Take her home Nathan.”

“But how do I…?”

“You have to forgive yourself. Forget what can not be undone. Once you do that you will understand her. Open your heart, Captain.” The younger man stood and walked away.

Minato took her hands in his, stroking the backs gently with his thumbs. “He is a good man Kristin but he tortures himself with guilt over things that can’t be changed.” He looked into her eyes. “He loves you very much.” She pulled her gaze away and he reached out, gently cupping her chin and turning her to face him again.

“He needs you Kristin, he needs you badly. I know that you’re afraid but I have looked into his heart and I know that he will never let anything bad happen to you, he would die first. The decision is yours and if you decide to stay with us you will be most welcome, but you are his wife and you do love him whether you remember it or not. I fear that if you choose not to go with him it will break his heart.”

Nathan still stared into the fire. He’d never been this conflicted before and it was tearing him apart inside. What if she didn’t want to leave? He supposed that he could stay but knew it would drive him crazy in the end. He was already jealous of the bond she had with the village Elder and he knew himself well enough to realise that it would only get worse. He loved her more than life itself and there was no way he would be able to share her no matter how good it was for her. No, he couldn’t do that but then what if she did come back? What if he never learned how to be with her as she was? He was vaguely aware of someone standing in front of him.

“Minato, I…” He looked up and his heart-rate sped up as he stared into her beautiful face, the firelight dancing in her hair bringing out the highlights – it was breathtaking. She knelt at his feet and he lost all power of speech. 

Afraid that she might think he was rejecting her, he stretched out a hand and touched her cheek, his eyes locking with hers as he tried to convey with a look, all the things he couldn’t say... the world around them ceasing to exist for him.

He swallowed hard as she reciprocated, her soft hand tracing his forehead, his nose, his cheeks as he forced himself to stay perfectly still lest he scare her, completely mesmerised by her gentleness. Then her fingers touched his lips and he couldn’t restrain himself any longer, kissing them tenderly.

She pulled them away as though she’d been burned and he panicked, his heart thudding wildly in his chest, cursing himself for not showing more control. But she didn’t move away, just stared at her hand for a few moments before returning it to his mouth.

Nathan closed his eyes to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall then kissed the tips again… reverently… lovingly… feeling the tears on his cheeks as he lost the struggle to contain them… one falling onto the back of her hand. Her eyes captured his again and she reached up hesitantly to brush the droplets away with her thumbs as they fell.

“God, I wish I knew what you were thinking.” Nathan whispered. “Come home with me Baby, please come home.”

She continued to stare at him for the longest time and then withdrew her hands. Nathan’s heart sank and he felt his disappointment like a physical blow when she stood, glanced briefly at Minato and walked away.

His voice broke the crashing silence. “She will be ready to go tomorrow.”

Nathan looked up at the man in astonishment, not sure how much more his heart could take. “She…”

“She will go with you. Look after her, don’t let anything hurt her.”

“I won’t…” He vowed in a choked voice. “You have my word.”

“That is good enough for me. Now, you should try to sleep, you’ve had an eventful day.”

Nathan made his way around the village saying his farewells and offering his thanks for their hospitality, all the time trying to suppress his anxiety at the fact that Kristin hadn’t as yet put in an appearance. Two children who he recognised as the ones with the ball ran up to him excitedly drawing his attention to the new arrivals in their midst. He smiled when he saw Commander Ford and Lucas.

“Cap’…” “Captain…”

“It’s good to see you both but what are you doing here?”

“The Secretary-General sent us Nathan. The seaQuest has been refitted, the crew rotations are complete and he thought this would be a good first outing.”

“That was very thoughtful of him.” Nathan made a note to thank Bill properly later.

“Sir, did you find her?” Lucas couldn’t contain himself any longer.

“Yes Lucas, I found her.”

“That’s great, Captain.” Jonathan interjected.

“Is she okay?”

Bridger’s expression was sad. “Yes and no.”

“Sir…?”

“Lucas she’s not…” He shook his head in defeat not knowing how to explain it.

“It’s okay Cap’. Is she coming home?”

“I don’t know… I thought that she was but…”

“Sir…” Jonathan drew Nathan’s attention to one of the huts. “Oh… dear… God...” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He and Kristin had rarely seen eye-to-eye but in his way he still cared for her. The sight of her so thin was a terrible shock.

Lucas called out and waved furiously before Nathan could stop him, “Doc!”

He put a restraining hand on the young man’s shoulder and then walked towards her. Minato whispered something in her ear and hugged her to him before stepping back. “Nathan.”

“Minato,” He took the man’s hand in his. “What can I say but, thank you.”

“There is nothing else to say. Remember Captain, you gave me your word.”

“And I intend to honour it.”

He smiled and Nathan held out his hand to Kristin. She hesitated for a moment and then stepped forward cautiously.

“Time to go home...”

She glanced nervously at her former protector and he nodded encouragingly. Kristin reached out and took it, allowing him to lead her to the others.

“I’ll carry that for you, Doc.” Lucas offered holding out his hand to take her small bag. “Doc…?”

“Kristin…” Bridger waited for her to turn to him. “You remember Lucas and Commander Ford don’t you?”

Her only response was to relinquish her hold on her meagre belongings.

“Captain…?” Jonathan asked.

“I’ll explain later, shall we go?”

They walked away from the villagers but stopped on the outskirts as the people waved to them. Nathan and the others waved back but Kristin just stood silently, her eyes searching out Minato once more. Nathan sensed that more was said in that look than could be contained in an entire sentence. Finally, they moved off down the dirt track and he tucked Kristin into his side slipping an arm loosely around her waist. Although she didn’t protest, she didn’t reciprocate in any way. They continued on in silence, Lucas and Jonathan stealing glances at the couple from time to time.

When they arrived on the beach one of seaQuest’s smaller launches awaited them. Kristin stood stock-still and stared at it.

“Kristin… it’s a launch, you’ve been in them dozens of times.” Bridger coaxed.

She took a deep breath and started to walk again but as she drew close to the black shape she froze.

“She’s afraid, Captain.” Lucas whispered.

“I know.” He seemed to be at a loss to know what to do.

Lucas moved closer to her. “Doc…” She didn’t even look at him. “Kristin…” This time he got her attention. “I don’t know if you remember, but two years ago I was frightened and you looked after me. Would it be okay if I took care of you this time? I’d like to.” He held out his hand to her but didn’t move, leaving the choice to her. Again she hesitated then stepped forward and took it.

“You’ll be okay, I promise.” He led her into the waiting craft.

Nathan’s emotions warred with one another. He was grateful beyond words that Kristin was responding to someone but it hurt badly that it wasn’t him. He exhaled deeply, his guilt resurfacing… Why the hell should she trust you Bridger? You left her on that damned island in the first place.

“Nathan, are you okay?” Ford asked concerned.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Let’s go.”

With great restraint he sat down with his X-O and chatted to him about the latest refit, his mind only half on the conversation as he watched Lucas and Kristin surreptitiously.

Lucas had started off sitting opposite her but as they submerged he’d noticed that her hands were trembling, so he’d moved to sit next to her taking them in his, shocked at just how cold they were. He talked softly to her all the way back to seaQuest, keeping her occupied.

When they docked Nathan turned to Jonathan. “You haven’t arranged any sort of welcoming committee have you?”

“No Captain, Several crew members wanted to be here but I told them no. We didn’t know if you’d found Kristin, or whether she was alright, so I thought it best to keep your arrival low-key.”

“Thank you.” He stepped away and went back to collect his wife but she wouldn’t let go of Lucas’ hand. Once again he clamped down on his feelings and allowed the young man to escort her while he walked with the Commander. “Lucas… Why don’t you take Kristin to my cabin? I’ll be along shortly.”

“Aye, Sir.”

When they were out of sight Jonathan Ford turned to him. “God Nathan, what happened to her?”

“Too much Jonathan, too much...”

“Will she…? I mean, is she…?”

“She’s aware of everything that’s going on around her, she just doesn’t react.”

“Do you think she knows who we are… where she is?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. I just don’t know.”

“She responded to Lucas.”

“Mmm…”

“Maybe you should let Dr. Smith take a look at her. She could get into her head, see if…”

Nathan interrupted him angrily. “I don’t want Wendy Smith anywhere near Kristin, is that understood Commander?”

“Yes Sir!” Ford practically stood to attention.

“I’m sorry… it’s been a trying week.”

“I can imagine.”

“Why don’t you go to the bridge and I’ll join you later.”

“Yes Sir. And Sir, I’m sure it will all work out.”

“I wish I shared your optimism Jonathan, I really do.” He made his way wearily to his quarters, not knowing what he would find when he got there.

Nathan entered quietly and was surprised to see Kristin lying on his bunk. “Lucas… Is she alright?” He asked worriedly.

“Yes Sir. At first she was really scared but when we got underway, she put her cheek against the bulkhead and before I knew it, she’d fallen asleep.”

Nathan smile fondly. “She once told me that the sound of the engines could put her to sleep.” He crossed the room and looked down at her, stroking her hair back from her forehead.

“Sir, if you’re not too tired, could you tell me what happened to her please?”

The older man nodded. “Just give me a minute. I need to pick up some painkillers from med-bay.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think… How is your back, Sir?”

“At this moment it hurts like hell.” He replied over his shoulder as he walked out of the door.

Wendy looked up as he entered med-bay, relief flooding through her when she saw he was alone. She practically ran across the room to him. “Nathan!” She threw her arms around him. “God I’ve missed you.”

He quickly disengaged himself from her embrace, a little confused by her enthusiastic welcome considering they’d parted on less than friendly terms. “It’s good to be back.”

“I’m sure.” She’d had time to consider her position while he’d been away, realising that her little tantrum had done little to improve her standing with him and now she was determined to make amends.

“And talking of backs” He grimaced. “I need some more painkillers.”

“How bad is it?”

“It’s been worse but then again it’s been better.”

“Come over to the examination table and I’ll check it for you.”

“Okay, but be quick.”

“I told you that it was too soon. You should have waited a few more weeks before chasing after her.” She barely managed to keep the contempt from her voice.

“I couldn’t, you know that.” He closed his eyes and tried to relax as she prodded and probed. “Ouch!”

“My God, you’re so tense. Too much stress will kill you, you know.”

“Yes Mom.”

“I take it that you didn’t find her. I’m sorry, Nathan, I know how much it meant to you.”

“I found her.” Wendy probed a little too deeply and he hissed in pain.

“Sorry. Is she here?”

“Yes.”

“Then I should give her a thorough examination.”

“No!” He snapped a little too loudly causing her to jump.

She continued in a voice far more calm than she was feeling. “You know the rules Captain. She’s been abroad for two years. She could be a carrier for all sorts of illnesses that the crew haven’t been immunised against.”

“Kristin isn’t sick.”

Wendy knew that he was hiding something from her but she couldn’t get past the mental barrier he’d put up. “Maybe, later then…”

“Maybe...” He agreed.

She decided to change tack. “Nathan, I owe you an apology for my little tantrum before you left.”

“No you don’t, it was my fault.”

“Yes, but I behaved badly.” He merely shrugged. “It’s only because I care for you so much.” She noticed one of her nurses hovering nearby and reluctantly decided not to pursue it. “I’ll give you a shot for now and have the painkillers sent to your quarters. Can we talk later? About us I mean…”

He winced as he felt the needle pierce his skin followed by the coldness of the swab and then the warmth of her hand, a hand that lingered just a little too long.

“There…”

“Thanks.” He stood to leave but she stopped him.

“What’s wrong, Nathan?”

“Nothing...” He didn’t even manage to convince himself with that one and said the first thing that came into his head so he could make his escape. “We’ll talk later.”

“I’ll be waiting.” She felt him flinch at the words but had no idea why.

Not sure exactly how much time he should spend with Kristin, or even how much time she wanted to spend with him, he’d chosen to be on the bridge most of the morning; purely as an advisor since he didn’t feel he could concentrate fully on the ins and outs of actually running the sub just yet. And anyway, Jonathan was doing his usual perfect job. Around lunchtime he decided to return to his quarters and attempt to figure out if Kristin was hungry although she ate very little these days. He wondered sometimes if he should add anorexia to the list of problems they had to face.

He walked slowly along the passageway and stopped outside, his hand resting on but not opening the door. He chastised himself for being nervous but the truth was, he always dreaded going inside. It was idiotic he knew, it was only Kristin after all but her aloofness was getting to him in ways he hadn’t even predicted. There was no welcome in her eyes and his subconscious had begun to conjure up reasons for it… She blamed him for what had happened to her… She didn’t care about him anymore… She was only there because Minato had made her come… She hated him… The list went on and on…

He clenched his hands into fists as he tried to clamp down on the terrible thoughts in his head and then took a deep breath, plastering a cheerful smile on his face as he walked through the door at last. The room was empty. He quickly checked the head but it was deserted too.

A feeling of panic began to build inside him as he almost ran to Lucas’ room but received no answer to his repeated knocks. His imagination went into overdrive and he began to hyperventilate as he tried to regain control. She had to be on the boat somewhere but where to start? Med-bay… God, what if something had happened to her? He berated himself all the way there for leaving her alone so long. If she’d got hurt it would be his fault and he’d promised. He’d… He entered quickly, almost knocking over a young female Ensign who was coming the other way but not taking the time to apologise. Wendy saw him and started towards him.

“Nathan, is something wrong? Is it your back? If you’d like to…”

He cut her off. “My back’s fine.”

“Is it Kristin then?” She asked evenly.

~ She’s not here… She’s not here… ~ He turned on his heel and walked out. Wendy’s curiosity was peaked so she decided to follow him, discretely of course.

Half-an-hour later after various diversions, he made his way onto sea-deck, his anxiety levels at an all-time high. Anxiety, that turned to an irrational anger when he saw her sitting on the edge of the moonpool with Lucas and Ensign Perry as they chatted to Darwin. Bridger stormed over and grabbed Lucas by the arm, pulling him to his feet and taking him to one side.

“Damn it Lucas, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” His eyes glittered with fury.

“Captain, I thought the Doc could use a break so I brought her to see Darwin. She…”

“You decided, without any thought as to what *she* might want, that it would be a good idea to drag her from the safety of my quarters through a boat full of strangers for a little outing!”

“No Sir, I mean... Yes Sir… I just thought…”

“Thinking doesn’t seem to be your strong suit, does it? How dare you do that without asking me first?”

“I asked Kristin, Sir.”

“You asked Kristin… And what did she say Ensign? Yes I’d like that and why don’t you bring along a friend? For God’s sake, I thought you were more responsible than that! I thought I could trust you.”

“You can.” Despite his best efforts he was close to tears.

“No Lucas, I can’t, I...” He broke off as Kristin came up to them and took the young man’s hand in hers, looking first at him and then at Perry.

Lucas got the message. “Excuse me Sir.” He returned to the moonpool and sat on the edge without looking back.

Nathan closed his eyes in an effort to gain some semblance of control and when he opened them again he found himself staring into Kristin’s. “Kris, I…” He tried to touch her hand but she moved away, turning her back on him and walking out into the corridor, leaving him standing alone and feeling like a complete jerk. As she turned the corner she ran into Wendy Smith coming the other way and jumped, startled.

Wendy put on her sweetest smile. “I’m sorry Doctor I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Kristin just stared at her and a frown crossed the younger woman’s face. “Kristin…?”

When she didn’t reply Wendy stole the opportunity to probe her rival’s emotions, feeling anger and resentment there. She went a little deeper and gasped when she hit a brick wall that she couldn’t penetrate. Kristin’s mood changed for a second and Smith could have sworn that she heard her laugh, but by the time she’d processed the information the woman was gone. Nathan appeared round the corner.

“If you’re looking for your wife she went that-a way.”

“Thanks.” He followed after her.

Wendy sighed with frustration but she had learned something from their brief encounter. She now knew why Nathan had kept the doctor under wraps and that she’d definitely over-estimated the competition.

His head hurt, his back hurt and Kristin hadn’t responded to him in almost twenty-four hours, which made his heart hurt. She’d cut herself off from him completely, just sitting in the furthest corner of the bunk with her knees drawn up to her chest, only moving when she needed to use the bathroom and refusing to eat. He was almost at the end of his tether, not to mention his patience. 

Angrily he stormed out and then stood in the corridor, realising that he had nowhere to go. Ford was busy and Lucas was keeping a very low profile. He rubbed his eyes and tried to focus them but the pain was making it difficult, without thinking he made his way to Wendy’s quarters, tapping gently on the glass.

She opened the door wearing only a short, slinky robe and stared at him in surprise. “Nathan…”

He knew immediately that he shouldn’t be there. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have disturbed you.”

“Nonsense… Is something wrong?”

“Headache…”

“Don’t you have any painkillers left?”

“Yeah, but I don’t like to take them unless I really need to.”

“That’s good. Look, I have some aspirin somewhere, why don’t you come in and sit down?”

Again he knew he shouldn’t but he walked in anyway and perched on the edge of the small desk. Wendy rubbed his shoulders and back comfortingly. 

“My God Nathan, you’re tense.”

“Bad day…”

“You’ve been having a lot of those lately.” She observed.

“Tell me about it.”

Smith smiled to herself. “I know what you need and it isn’t aspirin.”

“Wendy I…”

“Oh don’t worry Nathan, I’m not going to seduce you or anything, after all you’re a happily married man.” She walked over to the bedside locker and pulled out a bottle of scotch waving it in front of him.

“You shouldn’t have that, alcohol isn’t permitted on board.”

“Then we’d better drink it before the captain finds out.” She disappeared into the bathroom returning with a couple of glasses and pouring two generous measures. “Here you go.”

He only hesitated for a fraction of a second before taking it from her and downing it in one.

“It really has been a bad day, hasn’t it?” She asked pouring him another and watching it disappear as quickly as the first. The third one he just sipped.

Standing up, he staggered a little, he really should have known better than to drink on an empty stomach. “I should go.”

“Don’t be silly, we haven’t dealt with that headache yet. Unless of course, you’d prefer Kristin to doctor you…”

He cringed inwardly ~ No damn chance of that happening ~ He sat down again, on the edge of the bed this time and after grabbing the bottle and her glass, she moved to join him.

“Wendy…”

“I told you Nathan, I’m not about to seduce you but we need to get rid of some of that tension.” She inched back on the mattress and began to knead his shoulders gently but forcefully.

“God, that feels good,” he groaned.

“Then take off your shirt and lie down and I’ll do it properly.” Again he hesitated. “Nathan, you know that it’s not doing your back any good putting this much strain on it. I’m the CMO of this boat and I order you to lie down.” He smiled at her and capitulated, lying on his stomach. “And drink up, you’re one behind.” She lied.

Lucas was pounding the hell out of one of his computer games when he felt a touch on his shoulder, making him jump half out of his skin. He spun round angrily expecting to see Jack but found himself face-to-face with Kristin. “Doc…! What are you doing here? Is something wrong? Where’s the captain?”

She just looked at him and he was sure that she wanted to say something but after a few moments she seemed to give up. Reaching across she picked up his games’ controller and handed it back to him before going to sit on his bunk.

He played a couple more rounds but began to feel uncomfortable, thinking of his last run-in with Bridger. Getting to his feet, he walked over to his disk player, slipping in some music that he knew she liked before crouching down in front of her. “Doc, I have to leave for a few minutes but I’ll be right back, okay?” 

He picked up his PAL and headed for Bridger’s quarters, tapping on the door a few times before going inside. Finding the place deserted, he scribbled a quick note and then left again, running straight into his friend.

“Hey, Lucas…”

“Jack…”

“Wanna hang for a while?”

“Nah, not tonight… I’m busy.”

“That’s cool. If you were looking for the old man he was spotted going into Dr. Smith’s quarters about two hours ago. Rumour has it he’s still in there.”

“Oh… Look, I’ll see you tomorrow, I have to get back.”

Nathan had lost count of the number of drinks he’d had, not that he cared anymore and every time he even considered leaving Wendy would manage to find just the right spot to massage to keep him there. Slowly his eyes drifted shut as he finally relaxed into her tender ministrations, unable to curb the groans of pleasure that escaped his lips…

Lucas had stayed awake for as long as he could - watching over the woman who now slept curled up on his bed. He checked the clock for the hundredth time, his annoyance with Bridger doubling and redoubling with every minute that went by. He stood up quietly and retrieved his spare blanket, covering her with it before grabbing his sleeping bag and getting as comfortable as he could.

He woke abruptly the next morning and it took him a couple of minutes to get his bearings, wondering what the hell he was doing sleeping on the floor. Kristin…

Remembering at the last moment to undo his sleeping bag, he got to his feet silently, in case she was still asleep but fully expecting to find her gone. He was surprised when he saw her still on his bunk, back against the bulkhead and her legs pulled up with her arms around them, watching him. He put on his happiest smile.

“Good morning Doc, I hope you slept well. I’m just gonna take a quick shower and then I’ll see if I can rustle up some breakfast. Unless, you’d like to use the shower first…” When she didn’t move he took it as a ‘no’. “I’ll be quick, I promise.” He also wanted to find Nathan Bridger so he could tell him exactly what he thought of him, but he wasn’t going to mention that.

Meanwhile the man himself was beginning to stir… slowly. His mind was fuzzy and he had a mouth like the bottom of a parrot cage. Kicking one leg out, he yelped as his toes crunched against something solid. Without opening his eyes, he groped around with his hand until it hit a wall... a wall that definitely wasn’t there yesterday. Reluctantly opening his eyes he rolled onto his back and looked around. These were absolutely not his quarters. He rubbed his face tiredly and tried to think…

There was a headache and a bottle of scotch, and a massage and… “Jesus!” He sat bolt upright, moaning as his hangover made its presence felt and checking under the covers. He was completely naked. Turning to his right he saw a photograph on the night table which left him in no doubt as to where he was. ‘Sexy Lexie’ complete with Admiral’s uniform, stared back at him coldly. Bridger was in shock, he couldn’t have, could he?

He reached out a trembling hand and smoothed it over the sheet next to him, it was warm.  ~ Oh Christ, no! ~ At that moment the door to the bathroom opened and Wendy walked out, her robe only loosely fastened, offering tantalising glimpses of her breasts but at least she was wearing panties. He felt sick.

“Good morning sleepyhead, nice of you to join me.” She teased.

“Wendy…”

“You were expecting someone else? I’m hurt.”

“What… I mean…” He shut up again, too much of a gentleman to ask if he’d, if they’d…

Nathan’s confusion had left his thoughts wide open and she smiled to herself. “I hope you enjoyed last night as much as I did. I’m due on duty very shortly but you’re welcome to stay and catch up on your sleep, you must be worn out.”

His eyes closed again. ~ Oh Jesus, he had… ~

~ Oh this is just too perfect, ~ Wendy thought trying not to laugh. ~ Well if the poor sap wanted to think that something had happened between them then she certainly wasn’t going to put him out of his misery. Besides, it would be great pay back for the fact that he’d fallen asleep on her. ~

He sat quietly for a few minutes trying to collect his thoughts. “What time is it?”

“A little after 9… a.m…” She added thoughtfully.

But that meant he’d been here all night, which meant in turn that Kristin… Oh God… She’s been alone all night. He quickly rolled from the bed and picked up his scattered clothing, Wendy’s laughter aggravating his sore head. “Damn it Wendy, it isn’t funny!”

“Really…? You should see it from where I’m sitting.”

Slipping on his other shoe he bolted through the door and straight into Brody and Perry, cursing to himself about his wretched luck, which got much worse when he found Lucas waiting for him in his quarters.

Nathan just glanced at him. “Why are you here?”

“Why weren’t you?” He countered. Bridger ignored the question and looked around. “She isn’t here.”

He spun round worriedly. “Where…?”

“She spent the night with me. I slept on the floor.” He added unnecessarily. “Where did you sleep?”

“Where is she now?”

“Still in my room…”

“You didn’t leave her alone?” He accused.

Lucas’ temper finally snapped. “No… you did. Nan… Ensign Takamura is with her.”

“Thanks.” The older man sat down heavily on the bed.

“Why Captain, why did you do that to her?”

“Do what?”

“Oh pleeease… It’s all over the boat that you spent the night with your CMO.”

“Hell!” Nathan pressed his hand to his mouth before rubbing his face slowly. “Does Kristin know?”

“Not yet.”

“You’re going to tell her.”

Lucas stood angrily. “You really think I’d do that?”

“No, I guess not. Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me, don’t ever thank me. I’m not doing it for you.”

“I know… and I don’t blame you for being angry with me. I’m angry with myself.”

He could see the man was genuinely upset. “Was it worth it, Cap’?”

Nathan shook his head. “I wish to hell I knew.”

He sat down again. “What?”

“I don’t remember. I don’t remember a damn thing.” The pain in his eyes was very real and Lucas relented a little.

“What happened?”

“I had this damned headache that wouldn’t go away and I went to Dr. Smith’s quarters to see if she had some aspirin…”

“Wouldn’t it have been more sensible to go to med-bay?”

“Yeah, I know that now… but you know how much I hate that place. Wendy and I got talking and she noticed how tense I was and it wasn’t good for my back, which I had to agree with considering how much it ached. Then she pulled rank on me. And then she produced this bottle of scotch and…”

“You’re trying to tell me that she got you drunk and then had her wicked way with you… pl…eease.”

“I know it sounds ridiculous but I did get drunk and the next thing I remember, was waking up in her bed stark naked.”

“So you might just have passed out?” Lucas asked hopefully.

“Yeah but the way she behaved this morning tells a whole different story.”

“Geez Cap’, couldn’t you just have asked Kristin to fix you up? She is still a doctor you know, albeit a silent one.”

He sighed sadly. “She doesn’t want anything to do with me. Since my performance on sea-deck, which I’m really sorry about by the way, she’s withdrawn completely.”

“Then you need to talk to her.”

“And tell her what? Kristin, I know you’ve been through hell and I promised to look after you but I gave up at the first hurdle and slept with my CMO.”

“No, you can’t do that. Tell her you needed some time alone, tell her anything. But don’t you dare tell her where you spent the night and pray to God that Smith doesn’t either.”

“Or Brody, or your friend Perry…”

“What the hell did you do, take out an ad in the seaQuest Times or something?”

Bridger ignored that one. “How can I even look her in the eye? How can I pretend that it didn’t happen?”

“With all due respect Captain, that’s your problem, just don’t put it onto her she has enough to deal with.” The man looked defeated. “Maybe you should start by treating her like your wife and not someone you have to protect at all costs. She won’t break you know but she is alone, no matter how many people she’s surrounded by. You have a headache you go to Wendy, tell her what you want and she fixes it.  You’re miserable you get drunk, or get laid… No one knows if Kristin is happy, sad, hurting, hungry, and she can’t tell anyone, she only has herself to confide in. Perhaps you should think about that and stop feeling sorry for yourself… I’ll bring her back in half-an-hour it’ll give you a chance to pull yourself together.”

“Thanks…” He smiled faintly, “For everything.”

“Like I said, I’m doing it for Kristin not you.”

“You can’t stop me from being grateful Lucas.”

After he’d gone Nathan stood and walked into the head, barely able to look at himself in the mirror. Disgustedly, he stripped off and climbed into the shower hoping to wash away some of the dirtiness he felt even if he could do nothing about the guilt.

When they returned Lucas made his excuses and left again immediately. Nathan busied himself tidying things that didn’t need to be tidied, trying to delay the inevitable but he knew what had to be done. Lucas had been right, he’d behaved like an overbearing idiot since he’d found her, not allowing her any freedom to choose what she wanted to do, where she wanted to go… Now it was time to set things right, if he could.

He turned to find her sitting on the edge of the bunk watching him intently. Crossing to her, he knelt down taking both of her hands in his and looking directly into her eyes. “I’m sorry Baby… I’ve really screwed everything up, haven’t I?” He’d hoped against hope for some sort of reaction from her but she just continued to hold his gaze steadily.

“Kris, was I wrong to take you away from the island? You were looked after there, cared for, loved… They knew how to behave around you but I’m lost. The Kristin I knew is gone and the one I have I don’t know how to deal with.” She tried to remove her hands but he held on to them.

“No, please don’t do that… please… I just wish I knew if I did the right thing or if I’ve just been selfish. I needed you Kristin, I still need you… but I don’t know now if you need me. That’s why I came searching for you. All the time we were apart I ached to be with you again. You walked in my head, lived in my heart, spoke in my dreams…

“When I was in hospital all those months and the pain was so bad that I wanted to die, it was you who got me through, the thought of seeing you again… Then there were the nights staring at the ceiling because I couldn’t sleep, I’d imagine all the things we’d do together. The places we’d go. The things we’d see…

“I could hear your laughter in my head and it would make me smile when nothing else could. I could feel your warmth as you held me… taste your skin as you made love to me… And then when I found you I realised that none of those things could ever happen but I thought that as long as you were with me it wouldn’t matter, but it does… and it hurts Baby, it hurts so much. Not because I don’t care for you anymore or you disappoint me but because I miss you so.

“I love you so damn much and I don’t know what to do… It’s tearing me up inside.” He laid his head in her lap, his eyes filling with tears. “It’s killing me…” His voice was barely above a whisper. He released her hands to slide his arms around her waist, clinging to her.

At first he thought he’d imagined it but it was there, the definite sensation of a gentle hand stroking his hair. He looked up nervously at her face, there were no tears but he knew she was crying… And it hit him all at once, he’d spent all this time being jealous of Minato but it turned out that he was wrong. ‘She doesn’t smile or laugh or even cry’, he’d said and he’d just taken his words as gospel, but he hadn’t known, couldn’t see… In a perverse way that made him feel a whole lot better and he smiled at her. “Kristin…” With trembling fingers he reached up and stroked her cheek, grateful beyond words when she didn’t pull away. “I’m tired Baby, I’m so damn tired.”

Without a word, Kristin pulled her legs up onto the bunk and scooted over to make room for him. 

“You’re sure Kris?”

She tugged on his hand and he got up slowly, lying down beside her and opening his arms, waiting patiently. They’d come a long way in the last few minutes and he didn’t want to push her too hard. With barely a moment’s doubt she snuggled into his embrace, her arm across his body, her hand over his heart. The urge to crush her to him was a powerful one but he knew it would be wrong, so he settled for holding the hand that rested on his chest. He watched her until her eyes closed, aware that something very important had just happened. He still didn’t know if she loved him or had forgiven him, but she trusted him and that was a start. He suppressed the memory of waking in Wendy Smith’s bed, almost convinced now that nothing could have happened between them. Drunk or sober, happy or sad, he loved Kristin Westphalen more than anything in the world and he knew in his heart that he would never have done anything to jeopardise that.

They both woke to the sound of his PAL going off. “Bridger.”

“Sorry to disturb you, Sir.” Lieutenant O’Neill’s voice responded.

“That’s okay Tim, what is it?”

“I have Secretary-General Noyce for you. He says he has some interesting news.”

“Thanks, I’ll take it in the wardroom.” He turned back to Kristin who was still lying on the bed and brushed her hair back from her face tenderly. “I’ll be right back Baby, I promise.” 

As he walked through the door silence broke out in the wardroom where he’d asked his Senior Officers and bridge crew to assemble. “I’ve asked you here because I wanted to tell you this myself… I’ve resigned my captaincy of seaQuest.” He waited for the shocked response to die down. “Jonathan, I’ve recommended that you take over for the rest of the tour.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

“There’s no need to thank me, you’ve earned it.”

“What will you do, Cap’?” Lucas asked, already guessing the answer.

“I’m going to take Kristin to my island, she…”

“You can’t!” Wendy blurted out unintentionally.

“Why not…? She is my wife, after all.”

“Yes, but…” She groped for an answer that would redeem her. “Dr. Westphalen is sick, she needs help, constant attention.”

“That’s what I mean to give her.” Nathan stated evenly.

“I meant professional help. She’s… she’s…”

“No Doctor, she isn’t.”

“But Nathan you’d be miserable, you can’t spend the rest of your life like that… living alone…”

“I won’t be alone. Kristin will be there with me.”

“For all the good that will do, it’ll be like talking to the damn wall, even Darwin would be a better companion!” The doctor almost shouted.

“And whose fault is that?” Wendy blanched. “You really think that I don’t know about you and Thomas?”

Jonathan made a vain attempt to calm the situation but Lucas had already jumped in. “What about them?”

Under normal circumstances Bridger would have backed off but Wendy’s attack on Kristin had pushed him past that point. “You think I don’t know that you and Thomas cooked up between you leaving Kristin on that island? Sending her the most incompetent nurses that we had?”

The rest of the group looked astonished and Wendy coloured visibly.

“I didn’t, I…”

“Damn it Doctor! I saw you with Thomas myself, I just wish I’d put it all together sooner. It wasn’t until I talked with Bill again that it all fell into place.”

“The Secretary-General…?” Ford asked.

“He could find no record of the island, the UEO force or anything and when he ran a check on the names of the nurses you recommended it turned out they were all on a list that you’d submitted for dismissal from the boat on the grounds that they were lazy, uncooperative and generally incompetent.”

Wendy knew that she was in serious trouble. “Nathan, you can’t believe that I…? It was Frank Thomas, he…”

Bridger held up a hand to silence her. “Don’t Wendy, just don’t.”

“Why would she do that?” Tim finally joined the conversation.

“…Because she was jealous.” Lucas spat out.

Realising that the situation was getting out of hand, Nathan decided to end the conversation. “Enough, it was as much my fault. I should never have allowed Thomas to leave them there. Anyway, my decision is made. We’ll be leaving in a couple of days.”

“Keep in touch, won’t you Sir, we’d all like to know how Kristin is doing.”

“Of course, Jonathan…”

“Cap’” Lucas said softly.

Bridger gave him a friendly hug. “You look after yourself, you hear and thank you.”

“Would it be okay if I came out to visit sometime?”

“I’m counting on it, and that goes for all of you. Just make sure you call first.”

“We will.”

“Take care, Sir.”

“Good luck, Captain.”

“It’s been good serving with you, Nathan.”

“Give our best wishes to Kristin.”

“I will.” They all filed out into the corridor leaving him alone with Wendy. Not willing to admit defeat she grabbed him by the arm to detain him.

“Nathan, you can’t do this. What about us?”

“There is no ‘us’.” He responded quietly.

“But there is… You even…”

“I shouldn’t have.” He interrupted.

“Yes you should. I can’t believe you’re doing this! There are people who can look after her… Places she can go… You don’t have to take care of her just because…”

“She’s my wife.” Bridger reaffirmed.

“Damn it Nathan, she hasn’t been your wife for a long, long time!”

“You’re wrong Wendy, she’s always been my wife, I was just too proud to realise it.”

“But you don’t love her.”

“I’ve always loved her… even when I thought I hated her. And I always will.”

“But we…”

“Nothing happened between us Doctor, you know that.” He could see that she still didn’t believe him so he opened his thoughts to her, revealing his true feelings.

Wendy sobbed and then disengaged herself from his mind, her desperation turning to anger. “Then have a nice life Nathan, such as it will be. A jail sentence with someone who doesn’t speak or think… An eternity with a woman who doesn’t even know what time of day it is, much less care. You’re a passionate man, Nathan and you need a passionate woman, not someone who will never show you any true affection or love. She’s a damn zombie for God’s sake!”

“Wendy!”

“Oh come on Nathan, you don’t need to pretend with me, we both know what this is all about… guilt - Guilt and your ridiculous sense of duty!”

“You’re wrong.” Bridger replied softly, his voice in stark contrast to hers. “It’s about love, compassion and caring, three things that you obviously know very little about… Goodbye Wendy.” With that he turned and walked quickly away from her.

“You’ll regret it Nathan, I promise you, and don’t come running back to me when you do! This time I won’t be there to pick up the pieces.”
 
 

**** The End ****