Nathan Bridger sat alone on a large outcrop of rocks overlooking the ocean. At least it seemed to him that he was alone – completely and utterly alone.

It wasn't exactly accurate though, for way behind him, were the lights and sounds of the waterfront. A place where people came to enjoy themselves and have fun – something that he didn't feel like doing right now. So, for all intents and purposes, he really was alone.

This had not been a good day. For today he had sacrificed his beloved seaQuest to save humanity and he was angry about it. Why had he been forced to give up his dream for the sake of someone else's? It wasn't fair. But then, when had life ever been fair to him?

No, Nathan didn't want to enjoy himself tonight. The crew had invited him to a farewell party but instead, he had chosen to go off by himself and drown in self-pity. He was entitled after all. He thought back over some of the events of the last twenty-four hours...

His goodbye speech...

That had gone pretty well he thought: Some of his people were leaving to begin new phases in their lives – Hitchcock, Crocker, Krieg... he could live with that. He'd miss them of course, but that was life – things changed.

Then there was Lucas. He'd be going off to spend some quality time with his father – which was as it should be. It hurt but it was for the best, wasn't it? Then why wasn't he happier about it?

Inevitably, his thoughts turned to Kristin, his beautiful C.M.O and she had looked beautiful, sitting on the sand in her sundress watching them playing volleyball. At one point he had fallen at her feet and she'd said he was cute. ‘Cute?’ He'd been called quite a few things in his time – but never cute!

Then she'd mentioned saying ‘goodbye’ and that had scared him. He suddenly realised just how much time had gone by while he'd wrestled with his feelings for her and Carol. He wasn't ready to let her go just yet and he'd replied in the only way that he could think of to let her know it. ‘I’m still working on hello.’

Her smile had told him that she understood...

Then there had been the first dinner fiasco...

He had wanted everything to be perfect but his conversation or rather ‘non-conversation’ with Lucas’ father had left him disgusted – there was no other word for it. How dare he treat Lucas that way? If he knew what it was like to lose a son he would never...

A tap on the door had broken his train of thought and, when Kristin had entered the room, he'd found it difficult to think at all. She looked gorgeous and he'd told her so immediately. And when he had kissed her, all the feelings that he had kept inside these past months had surfaced, completely overwhelming him and she'd been swept along in the tide.

The sound of his wife's voice had shocked him to the core. He'd felt guilty when there had been nothing to be guilty for. Embarrassed for Kristin as well as himself and when Lucas’ face had appeared on the vid-screen he'd lost it.

Poor Lucas, he'd only been trying to do something nice as a goodbye present. He had meant it to be a surprise and it certainly had been! Though he was not quite sure which of the three had been the most surprised.

The water was lapping against the rocks where he sat but he was completely oblivious to it as he stared out at the ocean and the night sky and continued his musing...

Their second attempt at dinner hadn't been any more successful...

He'd decided that the wardroom was a safer place to be. He'd told Kristin that it was because he was still wary of Lucas’ hologram but he knew, in his heart, that there was more to it. Things had progressed far too quickly in his quarters. In fact, the desire and hunger that he had felt when he held Kristin in his arms had scared the hell out of him.

When he thought back he couldn't ever remember wanting Carol in that way. He had, and still did love his wife very much. Their marriage had been passionate but in a gentle and calming way. What he had felt with Kristin had been another thing entirely... Want, need, almost a desperation...

He had tried to put his feelings down to the fact that he hadn't made love with a woman since Carol had died but he knew that wasn't it... Kristin had a different effect on him altogether.

The love that he felt for her – yes, he'd finally admitted to himself that he did indeed love Kristin Westphalen – was completely different. Where before, there had been a gentle passion, now there was an overwhelming desire. The calm feeling of being in love and being loved had given way to an aching need and that's what had him running for the hills... But if he lost her now, if he let her think that he'd changed his mind, what would happen to him then?

He needed time – time to sort everything in his mind, but time had all-but run out...

His thoughts jumped to the point where he had decided to sacrifice the seaQuest...

He had been really touched when Jonathan and Shan had refused to leave. He knew he could put it down to their attachment to the boat but was aware that it was also loyalty to him. Crocker too... He had desperately wanted to stay but in the end his dedication to following orders had won out.

Lucas hadn't wanted to go but knew he had to. He would be all right no matter what happened. Bridger knew in his heart that Kristin would take care of the boy as she always had.

Kristin...

He could still see the look on her face when he had told her to leave. Fear and anger... Concern and love had all appeared fleetingly in her eyes and all for him. How could she still feel all those things after everything that had happened?

How could he go on living, without ever knowing what it would be like to make love with her? Hold her in his arms as she slept... Wake up to her beautiful face...

Maybe he should tell her before it was too late? He could still catch the launch before it left. But, once again, events had overtaken him...

His mind returned to the present...

seaQuest was gone and with it everything he had built and lived for over this past year. Lucas had gone to spend time with his father and Kristin was nowhere to be found.

After he had landed on the beach, in such spectacular fashion, he had seen her for a few minutes but then the brass had whisked him away to explain his actions. When he had escaped he had located his crew. Jonathan had told him that the doctor had been with them for a while but had slipped away unnoticed – no one had any idea where she was.

They'd told him of the party that they were planning for the evening and invited him to join them but he just wasn't in the mood for company and that's how he'd ended up, alone with his thoughts, on the beach.

Alone... Yes that's what he was...

But hadn't he wanted that?

Hadn't he been furious when Bill Noyce had tricked him into returning?

Well, now he could go back...

He had no idea if a new seaQuest would ever be built, and even if it were would they ask him to captain her? Would he want to? Everything would be different.

He was in limbo... He had destroyed the boat he loved... Had it been the right thing to do? He even had doubts about that now.

And, in his mind, he knew that he had finally let Carol go… He had done that when he had gone to his cabin before he sank the boat. He had, in effect, closed the door on his old life but where did he go from here? Back to his island – his home? The thought was less-than-appealing... In fact it frightened him...

He couldn't go back to being alone. Bill had been right – this time it probably would kill him. But wasn't he as good as dead anyway? No boat, no one to care for... talk to... laugh with...

God, this was depressing...

He stood, stretched his cramped muscles, and looked around. The sun was coming up and he realised with a start that he had been sitting there all night – no wonder his body ached.

Slowly he picked his way back along the rocky outcrop until he reached the beach.

He considered his options: He could head back to civilisation, get something to eat and then some sleep, but that really didn't appeal to him. Instead he started to walk along the beach in the opposite direction, stopping to pick up the odd shell or stone here and there.

He was carefully studying one such item when he heard quiet footsteps behind him... Damn! He really didn't feel like chatting right now. Perhaps if he just kept walking they'd get the message.

He had only taken a few steps when the person in question spoke... He'd know that voice, anywhere... Even his body reacted to the sound – a shiver coursing through it...

“Hey there, sailor... Care for some company?”

He turned slowly and found himself staring into the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen...

“Oh, yeah” He whispered huskily and pulled her into his arms.

He clung tightly to her, feeling her warmth, listening to her breathing... his body reacting to their closeness, and he knew then that he was alive – very much alive. All of his fears and doubts evaporated in a heartbeat.

He knew that, far from being depressing, his future could be everything that he had ever dreamed of, as long as Kristin was there beside him.

He released his hold on her and taking her hand, turned and headed back towards the lights of the town - Leaving his past and his fears behind and striding confidently into the future.
 
 

**** The Beginning ****