The One I Thought I'd Never Find

*~* Chapter 2 *~*

For weeks Aj and I talked on the phone.  I hadn't seen him since the night in the restaurant.  I was so happy to get to know him better.  I liked him very much and I wanted to see him again, but I didn't want to ask him out.  If I ask him out, will I look desperate? I asked myself. Should I wait until he asks me out? What if he never asks me out? I was so crazed.  Aj was the first guy I've liked since Justin and I broke up and I wasn't sure if I was ready to let my heart go and allow myself to love again. Let's go to the gym, Nadean said.  I could use a workout.  Mark has been slowing me down lately.  I swear he's superman.  All you two do now is have sex, I said. Every time I call you, your phone is unplugged.  I'm so sorry Angelle, Nadean said. Don't worry about it, I smirked.  I've had someone to keep me company.  Oh really Nadean said putting her hands on her hips.  And
who is this mystery person?  It's Aj I replied. We've been talking on the
phone for weeks I said as I packed my gym bag.  Lets go before all the good machines are taken. I dropped Jonathan to school and Nadean and I headed to the gym.  It was surprisingly empty. All right! I said. This is perfect we have almost the whole gym to ourselves. We changed and started to exercise. I saw a nice buff guy doing crunches in the corner. Nadean look at that guy, I said. Oooh, he looks good! Nadean replied. Go talk to him, she said and pushed me in his direction.  I walked over to him and cleared my throat.  I was totally
frozen when I saw who it was.  Aj? I croaked.  He opened his eyes and sat up. Angelle! What are you doing here? He asked looking very surprised. Well I'm just here working out with my friend, I said pointing to Nadean. I gestured for her to come over. Nadean, this is Aj. Aj, this is my best friend Nadean. After I introduced them, we all worked out together.  Aj went to get a drink of water. Nadean and I were in an aerobics session and I could see Aj staring at me from the mirror in front of the room. After the lesson was over, we went to change.  Aj approached me as I was packing my gym back.  Uh, Angelle said. I had a feeling he was a bit uneasy, but I didn't know why. Wo, would you like to go out to lunch or something this afternoon? Yeah, that would be great I said. Pick you up at 1:00? Ok, I said, I can't wait. Aj left while I was waiting for Nadean to finish changing. Finally when she was done, we left. Why don't we go to the salad bar? Nadean suggested. That would be nice but I can't go.  I've got a lunch date, I said. With Aj? Nadean cooed. Nadean knew it was him because my face was totally red.  Should I get my Maid of Honor dress ready? Nadean joked.  No, I said. Not just yet. I was happy because my mom agreed to watch Jonathan for a little while longer.  I was almost ready.  My hair was done but I was standing in front of my closet in my underwear.  What am I going to wear? I cried.  I took out
almost everything out of my closet.  I called Nadean, my mom; I even talked to Afiya asking them what I should wear.  Should I go dressy casual, formal casual? What! I was so frustrated. Even though it was just a little lunch date, I wanted to look perfect. Then the phone rang. It was Aj. Hi Angelle, are you ready yet? He asked.  No, not yet, I have nothing to wear I complained.  I'm sure what ever you wear will be just fine Aj said.  Anything would look good on you.  He just knows all the things to say to make me blush.  I talked to him for a while and stumbled upon the perfect outfit. Uh, AJ I gotta go, I said.  I hung up the phone forgetting to say good-bye. I picked up the dress. It was checkered blue and white, with yellow flowers in between each flower. I pressed it quickly and put it on. Funny, I don't even remember buying this dress, I thought.  But I don't care. It's perfect. About half an hour later, Aj picked me up and we drove off.  So where are we going? I asked.  You like the Olive Garden? Aj asked.  I love it! I replied.  So we went to the Olive Garden.  It was great.  We ate and ate; we got to know each other even better.  Now I realized that I liked Aj even more than I did before.  After lunch, he took me to Carlden Pier.  We watched old men fish for crabs, and all the little children play.  One little boy reminded me of Jonathan.  A cold gust of wind whipped around me as I thought. When am I going to tell Aj about Jonathan? Should I ever tell him? What if we get closer; then I would have to tell him. Look a painter, he said pointing to a man with a canvas and paintbrush. Excuse me Sir Aj said. Could you paint a portrait of us? Of coarse! The man replied. Sit, sit!  It took about half an hour. When he finished Aj paid him. Come back in ten minutes so it can dry. Ok we said and walked around a little more.  Just then my cell phone rang.  It was Afiya.  Angelle, you have to get down to St. John's hospital, its Jonathan, she said. Oh my gosh, I said hanging up the phone. Aj I really have to go! I said walking toward the exit of the pier. Wait Angelle, at least let me drop you there, he yelled.  That's ok I yelled
back.  Now I was running.  I had to get to the hospital as soon as possible. I ran through the hospital doors.  Ma'am, excuse me ma'am I said to the nurse, totally out of breath, my, my son is checked in here. Where is he, where's my baby? Calm down miss, the nurse said. What's your son's name? Jonathan, Jonathan Timberlake. Hey that's like the guy from Nsync Yeah, yeah, yeah it is, I snapped. Now where is he? Room 10A in the pediatric ward on the 3rd floor, the nurse replied.  I ran off to find his room.  The elevator was taking forever so I took the stairs. As soon as I got to the 3rd floor I saw my mom and Afiya.  They turned around and rushed to my side.  Angelle, I'm so sorry my mom said.  I was giving Jonathan a bath and the phone rang. I wasn't even out of the bathroom very long.  He turned on the hot water and, she broke down crying in my arms. I'm so sorry, Angelle.  I never meant to hurt Jonathan.  I know mom.  I said.  He's in that room, Afiya pointed out.  I ran through the door.  Jonathan? Jonathan baby are you all right? I yelled.  He was hooked up to a respirator, was almost completely covered in bandages. He had I.V. needles up and down his tiny arms. Are you his mother? One of the doctors in the room asked me. Yes, I am I replied. What's going to happen to my baby? I pleaded. Well Miss, he go burned pretty badly. He has, second and third degree burns on about 40% of his body, we have concluded that, the third degree burns are from were the water directly hit is skin, the doctor rambled. Yes, doctor I said. Is he going to be ok?  Well, another doctor started. We will have to do some surgery to repair some badly damaged skin, but other than that, he should be fine. I let out a sigh of relief as the doctors left the room. I took a chair and sat down next to his bed.  He was sound asleep.  Jonathan? Jonathan, its mommy. I said.  He stirred a little.  Thank God he's responding I thought.  I'm so sorry honey; I should have stayed with you today. Don't worry though baby, you'll be just fine.  Just then, the door opened and my Jonathan's father (my ex fiancé) Justin walked in. What are you doing here? I snapped. I came to see my son, Justin snapped back. Well we don't need you here, I said. As you can see there is enough trouble going on. Your saying I can't visit my own son, Justin yelled. Listen to me he continued. Your not his only parent, I don't know if you noticed, but he's got my last name ok, so you can't tell me when I can and cannot see my kid. You never worried about him before; all you do is send a check every month and a card on his birthday. I don't call that being someone's father, I said.  But then again, you're too busy to think of your son because you're always on top of some woman. Out of nowhere, he slapped me. You can't say that Angelle.  You damn well know I love that boy.  Get out! Get out you bastard! I yelled pushing him back. I opened the door. Get the hell out Justin, go! Fine, he said. I'm gone. He put down a teddy bear he'd bought for Jonathan and left.  My mother and Afiya then walked in, there were tears in my eyes and my cheek was bright red. Honey, are you ok? My mom asked clasping her had over my cheek.  I jumped back, the red patch Justin left on my face burned.  I'm fine mom, I said looking at my watch. Visiting hours are over.  Let me take you two home. After I took my mother and sister home, I drove around for a while. I was going from street to street, little did I know I was driving down Aj's block. I spotted his house and parked my car. I could use some comfort, I said to myself and got out and walked to Aj's front step. I hesitated to ring the bell, I can't do this I said to myself and turned around. But then the door opened. The light was so bright it almost blinded me. All I saw was a tall silhouette. Angelle? Aj said.  I turned around. Hi Aj I said quietly.  You wanna come in? he asked. Sure, I guess I said. Wow, you have a nice place. I said. Thanks Aj said. So what are you doing here? Well, I was just driving around and I was in the neighborhood so I just thought I'd say hi. Oh, ok Aj said. You wanna watch t.v? he asked. Ok, I said, he took my jacket and we went to a huge t.v studio. Wow, I said this is like a movie theater. I know, this is my favorite room he said, looking very proud of himself. He turned on a movie and we talked while the opening credits were on. It got really quiet. Aj was studying my face like a book, then the light from the screen shone on my face; he saw the red patch on my cheek. What happened to your cheek? Aj asked. Oh nothing I said. It's just a, umm, a rash. I said. Yeah, it's just a rash. No it's not Aj said. Turning on the lights.  Did someone hit you? He demanded.  No, I said it's just a rash! Come on, Angelle, you can tell me. No that's ok, I said. I'm just gonna go. No, Angelle, Aj pleaded with me.  Something is wrong let me help! Angelle? Have you been drinking? I'm sorry Aj, I saw your mini bar and it's ok, but you're staying the night. I'm not letting you drive, he said as he led me upstairs. No really Aj I'm fine, I just want to go home right now, I stammered. Aj led me to a beautiful room. Wow! I said. Is it yours? No Aj said, it's the guestroom. There are big T-shirts and socks in that drawer; you can put them on. Aj soon left the room and I flopped down on the soft, comfy bed. And fell right asleep. After a while I felt sick and stumbled around looking for a bathroom. Aj help! I cried. Aj ran up to help he. What do you need? Aj asked.  I think I'm gonna be sick, I said.  Shit! Aj said. He lifted me up and carried me to the bathroom. My vision was blurred. I felt around for the toilet, but missed. Aw Angelle that's the carpet Aj whined. I passed out, and Aj carried me back to bed. The next day I woke, up with a monster headache. I looked around and I wasn't in my room. I had on a white T-shirt with teddy bears on it and socks to match. The door opened and Aj stuck his head in. You feeling better? He asked.  Feeling better? What do you mean, Aj why am I here, I said. You came over here to say hi, and slipped your hands into my liquor cabinet. What? I asked. Where are my clothes? Whe, where's my bra? In the dryer, Aj said. You threw up all over your clothes. Come, I got something for you, Aj said. I got out of bed and followed Aj to the kitchen. I sat at the table, and he put a glass of green goo in front of me.  Here drink this, he said. Ew! What is that? I asked. It's my hangover juice. What's in it? I asked as I stuck my finger in the concoction and tasted it.  Awh man Aj this tastes like dog shit. Dang! You figured out my secret ingredient. What! Just kidding Aj said laughing. I held my nose and drunk the goo down. After a while I began to feel better. Aj made breakfast, and we ate. That rash is almost gone Aj said. Yeah, I guess I had an allergic reaction. To someone's hand? Aj asked. I got really quiet. Aj held my hand. Angelle, I know we haven't known each other for very long but, I really like you, and I'd like to be a part of your life, if you let me. I couldn't believe I was hearing those words. Aj, I can't. It's too hard. I got out of my seat and turned my back to him. I know Aj said. His voice so sweet and reassuring. But maybe if you had help, it would be easier. Let me help you. Gosh Aj I can't. I can't do this again. I can't get hurt again, I said. Please, just get me my clothes so I can leave. Ok, Aj said, hanging is head. I went back to the room to get the rest of my things. Then he brought my clothes. I got dressed and left. I called in sick from work and spent the whole day in the hospital with Jonathan. He had his operation last night and was feeling better. I was happy that my baby was going to be ok. He was still covered with bandages, and still had a few IV's hooked up, but all in all, he was fine. Later on my mom and Afiya came. They brought balloons and toys for Jonathan. Gramma! Fiya! He cried. He stuck his arms out for a hug. They hugged him and gave him his gifts. Is he going to be all right? Afiya asked. Yeah I said
patting him on the head; he'll be just fine. I saw a shadow by the door and looked up. It was Justin. He had balloons in his hand. He looked like a cute little puppy dog, right before that puppy bites you in the butt. He opened the door, after five minutes of waiting outside. Hello ladies, he said. Yo, Johnny, look what I got for you. He pulled a huge box from a bag he had. It was a Nintendo 64. Wow! Jonathan said thanks daddy. Come on, Afiya, my mom said. Lets go to the vending machines. Yes mom, Afiya said. They left and every thing was quiet. You know, Jonathan, I could come over and teach you how it play it if that's ok with you he said, turning in my direction. I didn't answer. Justin got up and pulled a chair close to me. I'm really sorry, he said. I didn't mean to hit you, he said. If you didn't mean it, you would never have laid a hand on me. I'm so sorry Angelle, come on, I'm trying to be a nice guy here, I'm trying to be a good father. I know I haven't been there much but I want to change that. If you'll let me. Those four words rang through my head. Those are the same words Aj said to me just a few hours ago. But still I said nothing. Well I gotta go, he said. I'll see you later little man. Bye Angelle. I didn't realize he'd left. I was still thinking about what he'd said. " If you'll let me". They were the four most confusing words I've ever heard. When visiting hours were over, I went home. I was relieved that Jonathan was ok. I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes; everything was serene and peaceful. I could hear the wind rustle quietly through the trees and the birds chirping. I also heard faint song of the wind chimes that danced in front of my window. I began to remember the times when things between Justin and me were good. In the afternoons around this time, we would lie in bed and listen to the sweet sounds of nature and fall asleep in each other's arms. But today, instead of sleeping, I sat and thought. Even though Justin is Jonathan's father, I don't think I'm ready to let him back into my life. I still can't believe that he cheated on me just two weeks before our wedding, I thought. I could feel my eyes welling up and I could help it, my tears spilled over and I began to cry. Just then, the doorbell rang. I quickly wiped my eyes and ran down stairs to answer the door. It was Aj. Hi, uh you forgot your bra s, so I thought I'd bring it over for you. Thanks, I said taking the bag. You wanna come in? Ok, thanks he said and stepped in. We went into the living room and sat down. So, are you feeling better? He asked. Yeah I replied. I'm fine now. You want something to drink?  I asked. All right, Aj said and followed me into the kitchen. He sat down at the table and fiddled with the salt and pepper shakers. I smiled when I saw that thinking of Jonathan. There you go; I said placing a glass in front of him. We talked for a while, and had a great time. We played computer games and on my Playstation. In all the fun and games, the phone rang. It was Justin. What do you what! I snapped. It was much easier to be bitchy to him, if I couldn't see him. I need to talk to you, he said. I'm coming over. No! I said. I have a guest. Fine I'll say what I have to say now. To show you that I'm trying to do something good for Jonathan, I want him to come and stay with me for a while. Me and the guys aren't going on any tours right now. Whatever I replied. I can't talk right now; it's rude to leave guests just to talk on the phone. Yes! I won Aj said, screw you evil Dr. Cortex! Playing Crash Team Racing? I asked. Yeah he replied. And I just kicked some mad scientist ass! Aj we need to talk I said, getting really serious. Aj sat down and I sat down next to him. What's wrong he asked, looking very concerned. I've got something to tell you, something that I've been keeping from you. I didn't actually know how to tell him, but then I got an idea. I took his hand. Come with me I said. I had him follow he upstairs to Jonathan's room. This room belongs to my son, Jonathan, I started. He's four years old, and he's the love of my life. Where is he now? Aj asked. He's in the hospital, I answered. My mom was watching him for me that afternoon when we went out. My mom was giving him a bath and she left him alone for a minute, he played with the hot water and burned himself all over. That's why I had to leave so suddenly, I sniffled. Aj wrapped his arms around me. Angelle, I'm so sorry, he said. Is he gonna be ok? Yeah, he had surgery yesterday to repair the
burnt skin, but I think he's gonna be fine, I replied. Do you want to meet him? I asked. Sure why not Aj replied, lets go.

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