Hey Aaron
Story by Anonymous

~~*Chapter Ten- July 2000*~~

July 5, 2000 Wednesday

Hey Aaron,
Hey wassup? Marit and I are still fighting. I wish I could just make up
with her. She means the world to me.  why can't we have what Brian and
Leighanne have? Wait, what am I saying??? Do I really love her like that? I
don't know! I'm too young. I dunno what I'm thinking. I don't it's like really
weird. I wish I could just go up to Marit and say how I really feel. I wish I
could just go up to her, take her in my arms and whisper to her that I love
her. I wish that she could love me again. I don't care if I have to quit the
Backstreet boys because she wants me to. She's everything to me. I'd go
anywhere for her. I don't care about anything, money, fame, stuff like that.
I care about the people in my life and I care about Marit. I know now. She's
the one. She's the one I want to spend my life with. She's the one I want to
grow old with. I love her. I love her but I can't say it in her face! She's
still furious at me. she'd never listen to me. I wish I could just tell her.
I just CAN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I dunno why!!! We've been dating for awhile. I
just can't approach her! I dunno how. What am I supposed to say, "Hey Marit,
I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I want you to marry me"? I
don't think so. That just doesn't feel right. Hell, that would give her a
heart attack.  Either that or she'd kill me. Or run away. I just couldn't. I
dunno what to do. I don't know what I am anymore.

Nick

July  9, 2000 Sunday

Hey Aaron,
Hey. I'm still thinking about her. About everything. Why can't my life be
normal?? Ya know, sometimes, I feel like I hate my life and I wish that I
just had a normal life. Ya know, go to college, have a steady girlfriend for
once, play basketball more often. Ya know what I'm saying? But I just can't
let go of what I'm doing cause I love it. it's a part of me. the fans and the
music and everything.
But also, Marit's a part of me. I can't let her go. What should I choose?
Her or my career? The music? The fans? And especially, my brothers? I don't
know what to do. I know I brood on this a little too much but I just can't
get over it.
Well, anyway, today, I played some b-ball with Bri. Of course, I
lost badly because I was in a terrible mood.
I could tell Bri was worried about me cause he can see right through my
head. He asked me, "Are you alright, bro?" I sighed and sighed. Finally, I
said, "No, Frick, I'm not." Brian sat down beside me, worry in his eyes.
"Why? Tell me what's wrong." I sighed again and took a deep breath. "I don't
know what to do Bri. I love Marit. I want her to be part of my life forever.
But it feels like I'd have to give up everything my career and you guys. A
part of me wants to go with her and just throw it all away ut then a part of
me wants to stay. Ya know what I'm saying? I don't know what to do, Bri." For the first time in a while, I began to cry. Softly, though. Not like heaving
and sobbing, but like silent tears. Brian hugged me and said, "It's alright
buddy. I'm here for ya. That's what we're here for. To help ya." I straightened up after a while and dried my eyes. "Bri, what did you think when you knew that you wanted Leighanne as your wife? How do you guys balance your jobs with your marriage?" Brian shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe its because Leighanne understands me and understands that I love her, but I also love my job and you guys. She respects that and even though we are apart a lot, we enjoy our precious time together." I sighed. "I guess you're right." "And," he continued, "if Marit doesn't respect and understand it, then, sadly, she may not be the one for ya." I gave him a weak smile. "Marit's the one, I know it. she'll understand I hope. Thanks bri. Thanks for everything." Brian grinned. "Sure, what are bros for?" I'm just so damn confused I don't know what to think. I have one hell of a
headache right now, so I'm just gonna close out for now. Peace out.

Nick

July 15, 2000 Saturday

Hey Aaron,
Dammit, I've tried over and over again to try to talk to Marit but I just
can't seem to bring myself to do it. Shit, why am I acting like such a
jackass right now??? Why can't I get the freakin nerve to talk to her?? Damn.
Sorry about all the cussing up there. I'm a really slicker to cussing. I
can't help it. I'm just so freakin nervous and all that I have frequent and
strong headaches. Sometimes I feel dizzy. I don't know why. One time I almost passed out. I wonder what's wrong with me. maybe its just that I'm nervous and a total wreck.
Well, right now aaron and I are sittin and watching tv. Actually, I can't
really see the screen its kind blurry. Aww shit, maybe I need glasses. Oh
well, it'll give me an excuse to look smart.
Man my head really hurts I'm having trouble seeing and everything's
spinnin whats goin on I feel like I gotta hurl oh God damn whats goin

Nick

July 23, 2000 Friday

Hey aaron,
Hey. I'll bet ur wonderin what happened last time I wrote. Well, right
now I'm in the hospital. I'd passed out and I was rushed to the emergency
room. Aaron was really scared I could tell. I felt sorry for him. Well, now
the doctors are checkin out why I passed out. Everyone seems kinda nervous,
especially the doctors. I dunno why maybe cause I'm too stupid. Well, I just
saw Brian talking with the doctors. He looks really alarmed and scared.
Wonder why was there something the matter with me? what if it was something like AIDS no wait, how could I get AIDS?!??! DUH. What if it were like mono or something I read in one of those boring doctor magazines I've been reading. Did ya know that you could have mono for months? Wow. What if I had that? I wouldn't be able to perform for a long time. Uh oh. Shit. I don't
wanna be sick. Well, I gotta go.

Nick


July 24, 2000 Saturday

Hey Aaron,
Hey. Marit came by. She looked all teary eyed. I wonder why? Maybe cause
I was in the hospital. Damn, I probably DO have mono or whatever. She sat
with me for a long time and kept me company. I said, "Marit, if you wanna
leave, go ahead." Marit smiled weakly and said, "Nick, you're not pushing me
away are you?" I laughed and kissed her soundly. She pushed away my blond
hair (which needed washing cause I haven't gotten a bath in about a week.
Gross) and cupped my face in her small hands. Then she began to cry. "Marit.
Its alright. I won't be in the hospital for too long. I'll be out in a couple of days, probably." Marit's head shot up in alarm. I looked at her quizzically. She looked outside and noticed the doctor outside. "Be right back," she murmured and rushed out to meet the doctor. I could hear her getting mad at him. I couldn't really hear the convo, but I could tell Marit was steamed. The doctor pushed her away as if she wasn't anything. Damn, I wanted to hurt that man. She ran back into the room, crying.  "Marit, what's wrong?" I whispered. She looked into my eyes. "I can't tell you." I looked at her alarmed. "What do you mean? You can tell me anything." Marit sighed. "I know that. I just can't." she rushed out of the room, sobbing. I don't know what's going on. I wish she'd just tell me.

Nick

July 25, 2000 Sunday

Hey Aaron,
I don't know if I can write anything more. I can't even think. I can't talk and I don't think I can write. But I have to tell you this. I've forced my self to think and write. I finally found out from the doctors why Marit was crying and why Brian looked alarmed and scared the other day. I finally found out what's wrong with me. I can scarcely believe it myself. I can't even bring myself to say it. I can't. I'm going to cool off for a while.

Nick

July 25, 2000 continued.

I guess now I can tell you. I can tell you what I have. Its not mono. Its not the common cold. Its not the freakin flu. Its not AIDS either. Its not any other disease you can think of except...
Cancer.
Yes. I have cancer. Brain cancer. I have only a few months to live. For some
odd reason, I'm not screaming on the top of my lungs. I don't seem to care
about myself. I care about the people I'm leaving behind. Ok, yes I do care
about myself. I DON'T WANT TO DIE NOW! I can't! I'm too young to die.
It all happened this afternoon. The doctors were talking with each other
in a small corner in my room. I was getting really pissed off cause no one
told me what I had. I told them I wanted to know. They looked at each other.
Finally, one of them spoke. "Son, we don't know how to say this, but you have a serious disease." I'd rolled my eyes in annoyance as the doctor continued. "Son, you have cancer. Brain cancer." I'd stared at them, all of them, hard. I narrowed my eyes, then began to laugh. "You have to be kidding!" I'd said. But they were not. Suddenly, I was angry. I was angry at them for not telling me. I shouted at them and threw my magazines and books from my bedside table at them. I wanted them to leave. I wanted them all to die. Now, I'm still mad at them, but I'm more scared. I can't die and leave my family and friends. I can't leave Marit. I just can't. I have to tell her I love her before its too late. God, please don't let me die.

Nick

Chapter Eleven
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