Alberto Gonzales is widely expected to be confirmed easily by the Senate Judiciary Committee, since he has threatened to torture any senator who votes against his confirmation. Ranking Democrat Patrick J. Leahy has disagreed, however, saying "Gonzales has not threatened to torture us, because he defines 'torture' as physical pain of an intensity akin to that which accompanies serious physical injury such as death or organ failure. And he is, along with President Bush, against torture. So he's just probably going to shackle us to a board and dunk us in water until we lose consciousness, like they did in the Middle Ages and at Guantanamo Bay. I mean, he won't do that to me, because I'm going to maintain the Democratic party line and roll over."
Both rudely rebuked by cocksure former philosophy student.
No, seriously: New York Times. The Washington Post. The Boston Globe.
And this is what I learned: best Internet video download ever.