Superbowl XXX
Justin rips off Janet's top, exposing himself to be a boob
President Bush is resisting calls from Democratic lawmakers for an independent investigation into a Superbowl sex scandal that will remain burned in the public's mammary for years to come. Former Mouseketeer Justin Timberlake proved he's almost all grown up Sunday when he copped a cheap feel on Michael Jackson's sister. The titilating halftime show has given rise to conflicting statements from the various parties involved. CBS, which hired MTV to produce the overstuffed, poorly thought-out breastacular, claims "there was no indication any such thing would happen. The moment did not conform to CBS' broadcast standards and we would like to apologize to anyone who was offended.” That may be true (and probably is, since CBS cut away instantly and didn't mention the incident on air), but it's sort of like saying you didn't know the house painter you hired was going to put a mural of a naked Elvis beating up an old lady on the front of your house. Don't you think you should keep an eye on what's going on? MTV claims that the incident was "unrehearsed, unplanned, and completely unintentional." Right. I'm sure lots of unrehearsed things happen in a multi-million dollar Superbowl halftime show. Besides, that doesn't jibe with Justin's statement: "I am sorry that anyone was offended by the wardrobe malfunction during the halftime performance of the Super Bowl. It was not intentional and is regrettable." If there was a wardrobe malfunction, then obviously something was supposed to happen. And notice he said "I'm sorry that anyone was offended," not "I'm sorry if anyone was offended"! He knew all this was going to happen, that sly little falsetto!
And perhaps most importantly, the official story or stories would have us believe that Janet Jackson just happened to be wearing a pointy silver pasty. Well, lucky for her. She probably wears them all the time, right? I mean, Michael used to wear one shiny glove, so maybe that's Janet's thing, one shiny pasty. Obviously, the thing was planned, which leads me to the real question: how stupid did the people involved have to be not to know that they would just have to apologize and pretend they didn't plan it two seconds after it happened? Did Justin think that the viewers of the same CBS that refused to play a political ad critical of Bush during the Superbowl would be okay with an exposed boob? Did MTV think it would be cutting edge to hire a diva who's between albums and give her career a little boost by having a guy appear to sexually attack her after a sultry dance number? Maybe MTV was trying to make a point about how oversexed our youth culture has become: they can't take the erotic energy of their own music, so they're driven to perform acts of "unplanned" sexual assault. I'm sorry I just used 'MTV' and 'make a point' in the same sentence. In the end, I'm not morally outraged, just outraged at the stupidity of broadcasters who make a lot of money dictating the taste of the American people and still can't get it right.
New Philosophical Powers figures hit the virtual shelves
Well, KrinklyFans, a couple of new Philosophical Powers toys splatted onto Krinklyman2 early this year. Check 'em out. Working on these toys has been a learning experience in many ways for me. I learned that Aquinas has personal symbols because he's a saint and Catholics are into that kind of stuff. That would be cool to have some symbols that had to be in every picture of me. Like a piece of cheese and a cardboard box or something. I also learned that Frege had some really crazy theory about what numbers are. I'm actually kind of worried that I didn't quite get that one right on the toy. Another thing I learned while making up these jokes is that there's nothing funny about Aristotle. Really. You'd think there'd be some good material there, since he's a pretty interesting figure in a lot of ways, but jeez--good luck punning on his name, that's all I can say. I did the best I could. You can't win them all, that's what I say. So that's the new stuff. Don't hold your breath for the next addition or anything. Even though I do hope for Philosophical Powers to get huge, unwieldy, ridiculously esoteric, and feature a lot of really lame, forced jokes like the Philosopher's Lexicon, I'm not in any hurry. Philosophy humor is a tough business, and let's face it, I am a full time student. I've got other things to do. Well, kind of.

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