Joke news story believable
Readers of the parody newspaper, The Onion, have no doubt been impressed by the depth and breadth of its joke coverage of the September 11th attacks and their aftermath. Witness such hilarious classics as "Dildo Manufacturers Association: Nation Must Return To Normalcy, Purchase Dildos" and "Terrorists Surprised to Find Selves in Hell." But the parody paper outdid itself this week with the story, "Freedoms Curtailed in Defense of Liberty." The satirical piece features key figures from the United States government telling Americans that their civil liberties must be suspeneded in order to protect their freedom. The joke, of course, is that Americans' freedom is based on the very civil liberties that are, ironically, being suspended! Public figures who take it on the chin include Attorney General John Ashcroft and Arizona's own Senator John McCain.
The hilarity and biting social commentary are business as usual at The Onion, but many readers are disturbed by just how real this joke sounds. "I thought it was funny, but I also could have believed it was real. John McCain has said some crazy stuff," said Christopher Marlowe, a landscaper from Tucson, AZ. "It really felt like I could have been reading that same article on a credible, sincere online news source such as cnn.com," said furniture upholster John Marston of Bradenton, FL. Readers are wondering where the line between out-there parody and out-there public policy should be drawn these days. In times of war, when a horrific trajedy seemingly justifies any move whatsoever on the part of the United States, sources of satire and humor must be wary of coming too close to depicting things as they really are in their attempts to protray the actions of public figures as ridiculous or dangerous. The Onion's article was funny, yes, but was it not also frightening?
Dry desert climate "shocking"
Local AC/DC fan Ian "Ion" Vandewalker is finding living in the desert to be an "electrifying" experience. The dry climate has made Vandewalker an excellent conductor for static electricity, and he is constantly being shocked by door handles, his car, other people, and even the cat. In a statement released Monday, Vandewalker said, "Sometimes I feel like I'm beyond my 'capacity' to take it anymore. I'm at the end of my 'fuse!' It just keeps happening over and over again--it's like I'm trapped in an endless 'circuit.' I feel like I can offer no 'resistance' to these 'forces' against me. My only hope for peace is to meditate . . . I chant 'Ohm' to myself. I just don't understand 'watt' is happening to me." Vandewalker is "current"ly seeking counseling with Dr. Joulie Coulomb.
Office tensions high
Gevity hr's Tucson branch was the scene of a bitter altercation Tuesday. One of the salespersons, or Business Development Managers (BDMs), became irritated after he was forced to use the conference room to make a call because one of the other BDMs was being too loud. A remark to the Sales Manager was all it took to send fur flying, as the Sales Manager requested that the BDMs not yell to each other; they should use the intercom on the phones instead. The loud BDM protested, but was asked to try to keep the office enviornment professional. Police are investigating the matter, but would not comment as to whether any criminal charges have been filed.
Homepage has bad layout
Visitors to the popular comedy website "Ian's Website" are increasingly confused and annoyed by its layout. "At first, the whole thing was clearly a joke, so it didn't matter that it looked so stupid. But now he obviously puts a lot of effort into it, so why is it still set up like crap?" wondered George Chapman, an account executive out of Bartow, FL. At issue are the huge graphic at the top of the index, which usually takes up the entire window, forcing readers to scroll down to a hastily written introduction. Visitors must then scroll even further down to get to the links to the Features of the website, which are also inexplicably large graphics; all eight often cannot fit in a browser window at once. Vandewalker himself has alluded to these problems in the current bottom by-line of the Wild West Desert Country version of his site, reads, "The IANTERNET: Now, Easier to Read, with Even Larger Print." This joke may be an indication as to the motive behind the layout--could it be that Vandewalker is simply being considerate of the elderly and the hard of sight? Analysts find this unlikely, as Vandewalker is relatively universally thought of as an inconsiderate jerk who thinks of his website as for himself and no one else. Some experts point to Vandewalker's fascination with oversized objects--like giant paperclips, bananas, and cans of cola--and say that putting oversized graphics on his website is just an extension of this fixation. Others question Vandewalker's ability for subtlety generally and say that the large graphics are a physical manifestation of his corny and obvious sense of humor. The suggestion that the layout is the result of intentional aesthetic choices on the part of the author is roundly rejected, although there are some diehard fans who think the webmaster knows what he's doing. Ben Johnson, the owner of Fantasy Factory Comics & Cards in Lakeland, FL, said that Vandewalker "is a genius of web design" and compared his talent to the leadership ability of Captain Kathryn Janeway of Star Trek: Voyager.
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