I enjoy eating in restaurants, as most Americans do.  During my time in restaurants, I have observed something that is truly remarkable.  The people that order the most amount of food are also the fattiest.  They order up the biggest, fattiest plates of food.  I saw a graphic about the rates of obesity recently.  In almost every state, it has risen 5 to 10%.  That is nothing short of remarkable.  I have also seen statistics much like that in the rate of heart disease.  Everyone asks "Why?"  Allow me to explain.  Watch network television for, say, thirty minutes.  Every other commercial is a restaurant of some kind, primarily fast food.  McDonalds, Burger King, KFC, Applebee's, Outback Steakhouse, Wendy's, Chili's.  I think I'm going to start my own restaurant.  I will call it by what it should be called.  The Cholesterol Death.  I can just see the commercials.  "Coming to your area soon, Cholesterol Death."  Or better yet, "Get yourself a big, juicy Cholesterol Death."  "Our special today is the Cholesterol Death, which is where we hook you up to a nice, quick flowing IV of the fat sucked out of Oprah Winfrey's fat ass during her last lyposuction."  "Or go to the bar, where you can get our delicious Rose C Death, which is freshly pumped from Rosie O'Donnell's enormous thighs."

We have a fat society.  There is just no other way of saying it.  Fuck the politically correct terms we have invented for fat people.  You know what I'm talking about.  Husky, big boned, chunky, obese, bigger people, plus sized.  There's a million more.  Fuck that.  Those are all cop out terms so that people don't have to admit to themselves that they are in fact, a big, fat ass.  You don't see a million politically correct terms for being skinny.  You can just say thin, slender, slim, or skinny.  None of which are used to avoid offending someone.  My mother used to scold me for calling people fat.  "You'll hurt their feelings."  Actually the only thing I hoped to hurt was the constant craving that they had to stuff their fat fucking faces full of food.  These people are weak.  "Oh my life sucks.....munch, munch....I'm so fat.......munch, munch.......I wish I could be skinny........munch, munch......."  News flash.  The answer to how to get skinny is not at the bottom of the potato chip bag, the bottom of the french fry basket, the middle of that double burger, or the bottom of that bucket of chicken.  "Well I can't just not eat!"  is what I hear when I drop this theory on most fat people.  Yes, you can just not eat.  It's not the easiest way to lose weight, but it is the most effective.  Everyone knows how in their heart how to be and stay thin, but fat people choose to ignore it.  There is a major drawback to this theory, though.  I can't gain weight or I'll get tons of shit from my friends for the torture that I've given to fat people over the years.

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