"Greg, you're Lord God King of the Dorkalopes.  You lead a mighty herd of Dorkalopes across the Dorkalope plains."

"If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the groove kitchen."

"That's why I love that quote that I read the other day 'You never know when you're working' because it may very well be that when I'm laying there stoned, watching ESPN classics I am coming up with something brilliant."

"I really, really, truly believe  in the power of stand-up, the immediacy of stand-up.  There's no way on tape or film to get near that immediacy."

"If it were up to me I'd wear leopard pants and gigantic shades look like Keith Richards but look at me, it just wouldn't work."

"Oh, we got people in from L.A. then I'll go real slow."

"England is not a really kickin' place to go...if you want full on screamin' Mexican food."