"Where did I go wrong?"

"That was interesting, that was entertaining and it also provided some interesting psychological insight."

"I'm sorry madam the improvisors are not supposed to make fun of the audience."

"Do you have that in America?"

They only do it because they love each other...

Jolly good and Righty-ho, Mr. A!

Greg: See?  See how they side with me?  If we held an election right now......Wooh!  Loser! Clive:  We'd have someone as good as Clinton then wouldn't we? Greg:  Why the bitterness you have a job?

Greg:  You have a different jelly here. Clive:  Oh what jelly do you have in America? Greg:  We call it Jell-o. Clive:  Oh, we can have simultaneous translation if you like?  Anytime I say jelly I mean Jell-o in America. Greg:  And anytime I say naff git that means Clive Anderson.

Clive:  You have sport in America don't you? Greg:  Yeah and sometimes we beat the Germans! Clive:  Well in the war when you join in.  I don't think the Germans play baseball do they? Greg:  I'd love to chat but I'm a little busy doin' an improv show. Clive:  Have you worked out what the simple words mean yet? Greg:  Yes I have Mr. A! Clive:  Jolly good...Mr. P! Greg:  Maybe you're just confusing this with your other show where you just talk talk talk and never let anyone else talk! Clive:  Thank you for plugging my other show.

Clive: The Worlds Worst Show business act.  Greg you can do your own act if you like. Greg: See how thin the laughs were on that Clive?

Clive: *buzzz* Yes, well it's supposed to be a man going into a bar...but... Paul: We haven't got to do it, you've been buzzing haven't you!  Slaphead! Clive: I'm very sad to announce the untimely death of Paul Merton. Paul: Lasted longer than your hair did!

Clive: *buzzzzz* Shakespeare. Ryan: The sky...the sky beyond the door is blue. Colin: Aye it is blue. Clive: *buzzzz* I'm sorry that's the worst Shakespeare I've ever heard!

Tony: Oh it's that show where Clive patronizes lost of different people all around the world. Clive: *buzzz* Don't bring Clive James into this! Tony: No I meant Clive Anderson!

Greg: I'm sure you have a fantasy too cause I've seen your...leather...pants. Clive: You were in them at the time, Greg.