my life is more than a vision: karen's blog |
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Saturday, October 14, 2000
ok, so i had another super weird dream: for some reason the third and final presidential debates were taking place tonight in southern california (los angeles. which, in my dream, instantly became the capital of california). of course, the final debate (which will be on tuesday in st. louis...far stretch from saturday in california) will be be a town hall format. so i had a dream that i was attending the final debate tonight in california. (that is the setup. now onto the plot). i arrived a bit early with my mother since i had to leave early to see christine kane (side note: if i were invited to a town hall formatted presidental debate, why the fuck would i leave early for any concert? -- well, except the indigo girls...). we sat up in the balcony of the california state assembly (in los angeles, of course. not sacramento. lmfao). first there were "opening acts" (at a debate?!). hillary clinton came out and sang (and was terribly booed by the republican sitting next to me). then the california assembly representatives came out and took their regular seats. a lot of them were absent. my mother explained to me that she had seen a segment on the morning news about some of the representatives refusing to drive down from 'the hill' (san francisco, in karen's dream world) to witness the debate. then the california senators (barbara boxer and dianne feinstein, my two favorite senators on earth) came through the crowds to shake hands. since i had already met boxer, it wasn't a huge deal for me. but then i saw this woman from wittenberg coming in. i jumped up to give her a big hug. my mother was like "why did you ignore barbara boxer?" the audience was still getting settled. a kid who looked to be about 5 came in with his mother. they were both covered with "let ralph debate" buttons. the republican next to me snarled at them. i high fived the boy. before the debate even started, i told my mother i had to get up and leave. the christine kane show was about to start. she promised to take good notes for me. on my way out, i passed the locked door for california representatives to enter through. dumbly, i picked the lock. but i didn't go in. a guard came up. in my sweetest voice, i asked him when (after the deabtes?) the door would be unlocked again because i had to get a note to my district's representative. he just rolled his eyes and called me a "dipshit." hysterically i said, "i am not a dipshit. i hope to get a PhD in japanese sociology." he apologized for labeling me as a dipshit. on my way out the door, i overheard him on the phone talking to a friend. he said "i feel horrible. i just called this girl a dipshit." i left the venue... and then woke up. ok, so all i can say now is what the flying fuck?! since when was los angeles the capital of california? and since when do debates have opening acts (and opening acts consisting of senate candidates from other states seranading the crowd?) and has a presidental debate ever taken place in a state assembly building? oy. maybe there is some pre-reality here. i mean, i am mising watching the debate on tv on tuesday to go to the indigo girls show. (but i am actually planning on recording it. hehe). but come on...how far fetched was that?! just another journey into my fucked up mind...
so Friday the 13th is officially over. thank goodness nothing terribly bad happened. i just got in. i finally got a hold of doug. i used his cd burner to put some of my really cool new music onto one cd. no worries. i didn't pirate anything. i paid for everything. i just wanted a mix cd of the two new indigo girls songs and some of my favorite new dar williams songs from the green world. i also put my copy of "point of hope" on there (yes, i paid to download it. and no, i won't copy it for you. i am not about to cheat honor the earth out of profits). maybe i should make a dar fan page... i used to have one before my homepage was deleted from the wittenberg userpages. then doug, alex, and i rented clueless. i love that movie. it always cracks me up. tomorrow i am going to see christine kane (yeah for quality live music) at a coffeehouse. and of course tuesday is the big indigo girls/honor the earth show. hell yah! i must go tend to some business (online grad school applications). later, gators... Friday, October 13, 2000
how boring can my life be? doug is taking a nap. i was supposed to go to his place and burn some cd's. my animals are both sleeping. none of the websites that i check out on a daily basis have been updated. suzanne stayed at school this weekend. there are no good live shows anywhere around here tonight brian is out with clayton i have no fucken clue where amy is if i even look at another graduate school application, i am going to puke. i think i'll read a book. yeah...
i love professors who respond to e-mails quickly (especially when they are important e-mails) kurt miyazaki rocks my world.
it is...Friday the 13th... i told brian that i wasn't even going to get out of bed today. too much weird shit has been happening in my life lately. so i took a "karen day," planning to stay in bed all day. some "karen day"...instead i decided to work on grad school applications. under the strong suggestion of my mother, i have decided to apply to the univ. of illinois at champaign/urbana. read: university of illinois in the middle of the cornfields. but it's just an application, right? nothing is written in stone that i have to go there (granted i even get in). whatever. anyway, i am using it as an excuse to go see suzanne. she goes there. so i can combine a visit as a prespective graduate student with a chance to see my bestest friend. oh, and the countdown begins... 14 days till europe... ...but i'll probably have to work on graduate school statement of purposes in london. oy. tonight i am going to hang out with doug and alex and make wise use of doug's cd burner. i want to put all of the new ig songs (including "point of hope" which i paid to download) and new dar songs that i like onto one cd. so i suppose i am leaving the house tonight. . . Thursday, October 12, 2000
for some reason i feel compelled to post the following lyrics. i honestly think that at this point of my life, this song best describes everything. it is not her exact experience, but is instead the general picture. and i never thought that any singer/songwriter could do that for me except for amy ray and emily saliers. man, i was wrong. i am glad i gave this new album a second chance.
had an interesting chat online. read on: AMORE20000: you one of those beautiful Japanese women ?? ok, so all i can say is that he really had no clue what he was talking about. "feminine" is good for a woman's whole well being? not to mention that once he realized he could no longer defend himself, he resorted to the old standby "are you a lesbian?" of course all women who are irritated by the way the media and society objectifies women are lesbians. of course... then he (perhaps thought i found his asking if i were a lesbian insulting) automatically assumed that when i told him it's none of his business, that he was right on the money and that i am a lesbian. maybe i am insutled as well when people ask me if i am straight... maybe "lesbian" or "dyke" isn't a large insult to me! maybe i am not a homophobic shit... UGGGG... (when will people learn??)
found a great quote: "the thing that has been weighing on my mind this week is that i wanted to go and save all the little live lobsters in restaurants and throw them back in the ocean. imagine me being arrested for that". -- unknown but couldn't you totally see me doing that? 
My Yahoo! (evil, evil) mail is not down. That means I still haven't gotten the goddamn e-mail. AURRRGGGGGGGGG
so i woke up early feeling gross. yes, the aftermath of pigging out last night. it happens. but now i am feeling ok (ok enough to eat a donut gem). i think i am blessed with something that everyone wants-- a fast metabolism. i mean, i can literally eat anything i want and not gain an ounce. with all the shit i eat, you would think i'd be disgustingly overweight. but i'm not. i was always jealous of such people. but now i suppose i am one of them. maybe it's because i gave up meat (although i have been a vegetarian since i was 14. i'm 23 now. 9 years of no meat. you would think my body would have found some other way to make me fat.). i am not overly active, so it's not like i bile 14 miles a day after running a marathon. hummm. i am truly baffled. and this does not run in my family. my mother is a weight watches leader who has been battling her weight throughout life. even though now she is active as a great white shark (they are constantly on the move for survival), and skinny, she still watches everything that goes in her mouth. i hope this metabolism shit never wears off because i like my junk food.
i just made an awesome discovery... i can listen to WYSO online ! ! ! for those of you who have no clue what the hell i am talking about, i'll explain. WYSO is the public radio (npr) station out of yellow springs, ohio (a small, extremely liberal town, home to antioch college, just south of springfield). during my 4 (ok, 3.5 counting study abroad) years at witt, that station was my lifeblood (aside from my cd collection). the women in music show (sundays, 2-4pm EST) is what i modeled my radio show at witt after. vick mccunnis and his show, afternoon excersions, was great for some downtime after classes. and of couse, the network shows (all things considered, world cafe, e-town, etc) make npr the best radio out there. no top 40 here. in fact, at any given time, one can hear afro-cuban, bluegrass, or patty larkin on npr. and the news on npr is the best. and WYSO's committment to the local community is awesome. tiny folk shows are always announced as are local nature walking clubs. my gosh, i fucken miss wittenberg. and yellow springs. southcentral ohio might be sort of hickish, but yellow springs defies that! here you have a community of about 7,000 extremely progressive (and i mean extremely. anyone who knows anything about antioch college knows what i mean) people who are actually committed to the causes (where as chicago's "progressive" people tend to sit on their asses and work for "the man") living in a tight knit community. the local shops are the best. and for a tiny town, the music scene is unbeatable. some of the best food in the reigon can be found there as well. sometimes i think i should move to yellow springs. but then again, sourrounding the town are farms and conservatives. yuck. but now with online WYSO, i have something i miss most about witt (and ohio) at my fingertips 24-7... Wednesday, October 11, 2000
oh, one more thing about the debate... was anyone else disturbed that GW seemed to be GLOATING about the death penalty? ugg.
so doug came over to watch the debate with me. i was less than impressed with both candidates (go green! i guess. but if the polls are really close on election day, i still can not justify that). anyway, so after the debate, we went to visit alex. lemme just say that 24 hour restaurants are deadly. sure, you may claim that you are going only for coffee, but does that ever happen? fuck, i ate way too much. so in th words of adrianne, "i'm swol." i mean, all i ate was a grilled cheese sandwich (the fries looked nasty, so i didn't even touch them! what is up with all these nasty fries lately?), but i still feel fat and disgusting. i should change my imood now...good idea... all in all a fun evening. always nice hanging with doug + alex!
i had to go to the post office. all this boot trading makes for frequent trips to the post office. so i get home just as my next door neighbor who is a card carrying NRA republican is pulling out of his driveway. he pulls right up next to my car and opens his window as if he wants to chit chat. ummmmm...gracias, no. i was just not in the mood. so i pretended as if i was looking for something i lost in my car. he waited for a few seconds, but he FINALLY pulled away. i waited for him to get around the block before i got out of clint (my car, for all of you uninformed people.). didnt want to talk to any republicans at that moment of my life...
maybe my e-mail is not accepting new messages? nah. i just have to accept the fact that e-mail just didn't come.
woke up feeling sick... not to mention that i had a dream. a not so good dream. not a scary nightmare or anything. just a not so good dream. see, in my dream, i was at the airport with my luggage, my backpack, and my premier status frequent flyer card (hehe. when you travel as much as i do on united airlines, you get rewards!). but oops. oh shit. i did not have my blue eagle creek travel bag -- the one with my passport. you kinda need a passport to go to paris. it was about 2:30pm. my flight would leave at 5:35pm (my dreams usually do not include so much detail. however seeing how many damn times i have been on flight 942 with "non-stop service to paris- charles degaulle," i would hope i would have all these little details memorized). i tried calling my house, but my damn calling cards wouldn't work. the one time i did get through my dad answered. ummm...he doesn't live with my mom. i didn't have my international calling card (also in the eagle creek bag), nor did i have any change. so i was shit out of luck. then i woke up. feeling ill, of course. and nervous. but at least i learned my lesson in my dream. hehe. so then what do i do as soon as i wake up? check my e-mail, of course. was the e-mail that i had been expecting for 2 days there? no. so then i start to worry. why no e-mail? why no response? this is a VERY important question that i want answered. uggg. why do i allow other people to do this to me? i am usually not at all insecure. maybe the being sick thing is also eating away at my confidence. not to mention that by next monday i better be on some medicine that makes me feel better! i can not go back to witt like this. and there is NO WAY i can be in europe feeling like this. the weather in both paris and london majorly sucks. it will be cold and damp. i won't be able to do jack shit. i need to see that allergist. i need to be able to breathe. i need to get better! anyway...gotta call some of my grad school programs. gotta see whatsup... Tuesday, October 10, 2000
so tonight on the news, they said that the police used a psychic to find the body of some murdered woman... my mom says police use psychics all the time... maybe i should become a psychic... it sounds like there's plenty of work in that profession...
if you are a member of the indigo girls list (indigo-girls@netspace.org, that one) and have a website, click here to join my webring (err..ringsurf). i am begging!
every part of my fucken body hurts. i didn't receive that damn e-mail today, which makes matters worse. and i am fucken exhausted. besides that, i am fine... :-) a message to all AOL IM users...do not fuck with me tonight. there will be nasty consequences.
so i was feeling like a chocolate milkshake, so i went through the burger king driveway. while in line, i decided that i was hungry. i wanted something fried. something junky. seeing that i am a vegetarian, i had three options: 1. onion rings. 2. fried cheese sticks and 3. french fries. i hate onion rings, so option #1 was out. cheese sticks...good, but a little too filling. so i opted for the french fries. not only did my chocolate milkshake come in a backstreet boys cup (like a talentless "band" really needs any more advertising...let's see, they have mtv and just about every radio station worshipping them), but the fries were disgusting! i don't know if burger king has always had disgusting french fries (though i don't remember their fries being that bad. and i should know. there is a bk right across the street from wittenberg university so i used to eat their fries every so often), or if they changed the recipe, but these babies were so so so gross! even ketchup didn't make them semi-good. so i threw them out... if anyone wants some fresh french fries for free, feel free to dig through my garbage anytime...
sniffle, cough, wheeze, hive sniffle, cough, wheeze, hive sniffle, cough, wheeze, hive wow...that has a catchy beat. sorta like "wild wild party in the loquat tree." but it is the song of my life. . .until at least next monday. today i am quite apprehensive. i am awaiting a very important e-mail. i hope it comes soon. i also have yet another interview. but the thing is, i can't do anything till my meds are changed. and that won't be until at least monday (if you didn't know that by now!). and after that i am booked solid until after london--after election day. so that means i can not work until one of the bought and sold candidates is officially in line to be the next president. grrr. on a brighter note, my webring is up and running...
Monday, October 09, 2000
grrr... i hate yahoo! first they took over geocities (which wasn't horrible for me, but it was horrible for others), then webring (which they majorly fucked up!) and now egroups. grrr. i FINALLY finished moving the webring that i own to ringsurf. if you are the ring owner, and are pissed at yahoo, i highly suggest you check them out. that service is a lot like the old webring service, before evil yahoo took it over. if you belong to the ig list (the netspace one. not only the lame indigo_girls@egroups one), please join. just follow the ringsurf link and type in "indigo" and do a search. oh, but don't do that until tomorrow night. the old site (the one i fucked up and deleted) is still listed and the new one won't be listed for 24 hours. blah.
ok, here is why i have to get better. i have shit to do, ya know? 16 oct- allergist appt (it damn better happen) as i said, i have shit to do. i need to get better.
so i lied earlier. relief isn't in sight. my allergist's office called today. she is out sick. that means she can not see me until next monday. THAT MEANS I FUCKEN HAVE TO SUFFER UNTIL NEXT FUCKEN WEEK!!! i understand that she is sick and all. i am not mad at her. i am mad at the situation. i have been sick with allergy and major asthma problems for OVER a month! i have been completely disabled from doing anything! i can't fucken go on like this for any longer. every day i have to make a goddamn decision. i lose either way. my choices are: seasonal allergies? yeah right! not me! more like year round hell with no medication that works. and anyone who says "take benedryl" doesn't have a fucken clue what they're talking about. i am not griping about occassionally sneezing. i suffer ALL the fucken time. shit. . . Sunday, October 08, 2000
now you know what i am griping about... from the dumbass files... T Hacienda jun e: life is short, and you want to do many things
so today really didn't turn out half bad. i got cutie penguin sheets (mmmm...flannel). i ate good chinese food. i drove around listening to an awesome ig boot. and the weather...well kinda cold and crispy, but none of that snowy shit like last night. plus i was able (thanks to cnn) to watch the new york state senate debate. go hillary! she is endorsed by naral and she is so pro-woman. any pro-choice, pro-woman is a candidate for me! too bad i don't live in ny and can't vote for her. that would be an easy choice. but i honestly believe she will win the race. ny is a fairly liberal state (for the most part), and i have faith in the voters out there. speaking of which...go feinstein!!! and, tomorrow is the day of my big allergist appointment! finally, relief is in sight! it's damn well time for me to start feeling better. i think if i were still at wittenberg right now, i would have had to have taken a leave of abscence for the semester, because i have just been so goddamn sick. but who cares. the important thing is that i graduated ("spent 4 years prostrate to the higher mind got my paper and i was free" -- ig (es) ) and that i really have nothing to do right now, so being ill didn't screw up my life too much. but this is all wishful thinking. i hope my allergist has some new kind of pill for me, cause this claritin just ain't doing the job...
so i got new bed sheets. flannel with penguins on them. really cute. great...just what i need, something that temp me to be in bed even more than i already am. . .
it fucken snowed in chicago last night. how depressing. but on a brighter note, today i realized that one week from tuesday is the hte (honor the earth) show, and a week from next saturday is the columbus, ohio show. and in three weeks, i'll be in london. . . this morning some really trashed person IM'd me. he kept asking if i am single. no. then he kept saying that he is looking for a gf. a few problems. 1. i am sorta kinda maybe taken, 2. i don't ever meet anyone from online and 3. he lives in fucken ny! ummmm... besides, not to mention that 99% of all the men looking for women online are morons anyway. yeah... this week i must start wrting berkeley's novel (grad school application). i swear, it's a fucken book. damn. i like oregon's one sheet deal. oh, i forgot to mention that last night marla and i went to a new age bookstore. it was pretty cool. reminded me of sam and eddie's in yellow springs, ohio. and of course they sold all of the far east spiritual stuff. even though most of it is quite fake (when i am in japan, i don't see any of that shit), it still reminded me of japan. damn do i miss the land of the rising sun. well, i must go linen shopping now. exciting, i know. but my favorite sheets ripped (i have no clue how) and i need to replace them. blah. i am tired.
goddamnit. it's late. but i have these indigo girls lyrics floating around in my head. i should sing you a song of devotion... amy is on this bluegrassy kick and i sorta like it. ok, i really like it! emily is so fucken right on long distence relationships: "if i weren't leaving you, i don't know what i would do, but the more i go the less i know WILL THE FIRE STILL BURN ON MY RETURN, keep the path lit on the only road i know." ldr's suck. damn, i miss taka. |
california and the rest of the nation love ya!
