***
"It's the final chapter of Divine Eyes, and I've tallied the votes."
Mike walks across the stage and hands Kali an envelope. He stands there and grins as she opens it. She looks over and gives him the evil eye. He slowly backs away.
Kali clears her throat. "Ahem. And the winner is...Raphael!"
Raphael walks on, waving to the audience. "Thank you, thank you. I always knew I was the best."
He stops in front of Kali and holds his hand out. "Okay, now where's my prize?"
Kali pulls another envelope from her jeans pocket and hands it over. Raph rips it open as Kali speaks again.
"And I haven't forgotten everyone else. Every character in the story gets bunny ears and Ninja Turtle Pez dispensers. For coming in second, Venus gets a prize too."
Raph waves a piece of paper in the air. "All right! I can't be maimed or tortured or killed in fan fics anymore!"
Venus walks out and ignores Raph as she approaches Kali. "I get a prize too?"
"Yeah, I saw this book and thought you might want it." Kali hands over a book entitled Magick, Shamanism and Taoism: The I Ching in Ritual and Meditation by Richard Herne.
Venus takes the book. "Thanks."
Raph is still grinning as he reads over his prize. He suddenly stops and turns to Kali. "Um, Kali?"
"Yes," she replies innocently.
"Why is there a date on this?"
Kali continues to smile innocently. "It's an expiration date, of course, all coupons have them."
"Oh." He looks over the paper again. "This expired yesterday."
"Did it?" She shrugs. "Well, in that case." Kali turns towards the other side of the stage. She cups her hands around her mouth and screams, "Release the fan girls!"
She turns back to Raph but he's already gone. Venus and Kali just barely manage to get out of the way before hundreds of fan girls stampede across the stage.
Kali dusts herself off. "Well, it's all over people. Hope you had as much fun reading this as I had writing it, and more fun than our contestants had."
Kali and Venus wave as the lights go out.
"Hey!"
"What?"
"Someone pinched me."
"Well, I didn't."
"I know that, Venus. Mike?"
"Not me, though I'm not sure why."
"Well, who did?"
"It was me!"
"Eww, Wick, now I have to go bathe again."
"Can I watch?"
***
Note: Magick, Shamanism and Taoism: The I Ching in Ritual and Meditation by Richard Herne is a real book. I saw it at B&N and flipped through it. I didn't buy it because I didn't have much use for it in my workings.
***