Hosted by Kali Gargoyle
***
On a dimly lit stage stands a young woman in black clothing holding a microphone. She smiles; her lips tinted silver, with matching fingernail polish. Her blonde hair is held up by a pair of silver hair sticks with little pentacles dangling from them.
"Hello, I am Kali Gargoyle, your host for this Ninja Turtles/Reality TV crossover. Be glad I’m not spoofing Survivor. I’ll leave that to another author, who shall remain nameless, who needs to get around to continuing theirs. I don’t watch too much TV, but I like this idea.
"Divine Eyes is based on the Big Brother show. You remember that, don’t you? I have chosen ten Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles characters to be locked up in the Turtle’s Subway Station home for as long as I decide.
"The players are Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, and Michaelangelo, of course. They will be joined by Venus, Dragon Lord, Wick, Shredder, April and Casey.
"Since I am the author, I have omnipotent powers, and will be reporting all relevant and irrelevant events to you, the reader. After each chapter, equivalent to one week of isolation, you will vote.
"Yes, you! The reader! You will kick someone off. Once I post a chapter, voting will be open for one week to give everyone time to read. Vote in your review, or email me if you want to suggest ideas with your vote. For example, if you want to see April and Venus getting into a catfight, or Raph kicking Leo in the groin, or Mike making a double cheese and jellybean pizza.
"The loser will be kicked off at the beginning of the next chapter and I’ll go from there. This will take awhile since I can’t finalize until voting is complete. So there will be about two weeks between chapters, just to let you know."
She smiles again and the stage lights up. Behind her are all the contestants. "Let’s chat with our players before we start, shall we?"
She walks over to where Leonardo is sitting. "Leo, is there anything you would like to say before we begin?"
"Why us?"
Kali moves on. "Raphael?"
"This is about ‘Our Turn’, isn’t it? The bra was Mike’s idea! I know you’re allergic to lace!"
"Speaking of which, Mikey, have any last words?"
"I love you!"
"Donatello?"
"I hate you."
"Venus?"
"Don’t you have more stories to write?"
"Yes, but I can multitask. See, I can talk and piss you off at the same time!"
Shredder nods. "Yes, you can. All the time."
Kali passes Shredder because he has already spoken. "Dragon Lord?"
"That’s The Dragon Lord, you worthless witch!"
"Wick?"
"I want my alchemist's cookbook back."
"April?"
"I wasn’t on this show."
"Neither was I," Casey says. "But I guess she ran out of characters."
"Yes. I didn’t want any more bad guys, and Splinter is currently on my good side."
Raphael groaned. "Yeah, I bet he is. Can we get on with this?"
"Of course," Kali says, turning back to the readers. "Just to let everyone know, I've have removed all personal items from the Turtles' home. This includes weapons, luxury items, and dirty magazines."
"Hey!" Raphael yells.
"I will also confiscate Shredder's armor."
Shredder glares at her.
"And suppress all magick."
"What!" Venus and Dragon Lord exclaim.
"They get to bring one trunk and a duffel bag full of things. Anything except weapons."
"There goes the fun," Raphael grumbles.
"Well, that’s my introduction. The continuation of this series depends, literally, on reader response. Give me some time while we get everything set up."
***