The Continuation: Chapter 28

Chapter 28...

Dedicated to June-Ling
Written by her very good friend Vonny

1 Month Later

It was a full moon. A whole moon. The bright circle stared down at Quin, taunting her as if to say it was better. But how could a moon and a woman be compared? She sighed and turned her eyes to the four walls of her room. It was her first night out of the hospital, her first night back home.

In that one month, Quin had picked up the pieces of her life that had been shattered when she fell down those stairs. And somehow she had put them back together. Giving up had never crossed her mind because it simply wasn't an option. She wasn't just living for herself anymore. She was also part of a sacred union based on love and companionship. And anyway, Fei wouldn't have let her. Fei would've walked to the ends of the earth before he would allow her to give up on herself.

Fei - he had been there every step of the way. If she ever needed proof of how much he loved her, then the past month would be more than enough. No matter how painstaking, how tearful, he had hardly left her side.

Yet a few pieces still seemed to be missing. She looked back up at the moon, the whole moon. The moon that went through 1-month cycles. The moon that at the end of the cycle would became a round circle. Full and complete. Whole.

Unlike her. Yes, Quin realized, a moon and a woman can be compared. She wasn't whole.

She wasn't a whole woman.

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"Man, I know you're in there! Open the door!?" The metal gate stared back at Chi San, telling him to go away. He sighed and loosened his tie. For all he was worth, he wasn't going to leave. He had to make her understand that even though he wrongfully accused her, he still loved her.

The sounds of the elevator door opening stirred in his ears and he turned his head. So she wasn't home after all.

All day, Man had been tense and her nerves had been twisted around as if getting ready for a confrontation. She knew he would be here. Holding her head up high for confidence, she put on her best smile.

"Hey Chi San!" she cheerfully chirped. "How ya doing?"

He was taken aback by her cheerfulness. Even in his best expectations, she would've totally ignored him as he wasn't even there. But she had greeted her. And with such enthusiasm. Perhaps she had finally realized it was all just a simple misunderstanding.

Man watched his face with such careful scrutiny. She could tell everything that was going through his mind. Right about now, he's probably thinking that I've forgiven him and that's why he's so cheerful. Ha, fat chance!

"So I see you're happy," he declared, "Does that mean we're okay?"

Those exact words proved that she was right. Proved just how well she knew him. "Whatever do you mean, Chi San??"

"I mean, have you forgiven me? Have you gotten over your anger? Are we okay again?"

She sighed and leaned herself against the still unopened door to her apartment. "Okay?" she asked rhetorically, "I don't think we'll ever be okay again. But you know what? It's too hard to stay mad at someone."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, one-" she counted on her finger "-I want to stay mad at you, and two, I don't want to stay mad at you. I don't want to feel these two different things one after the other. It's too hard. So the thing to do is to forget about us and to be friends. This way, the girlfriend-Man can stay mad at you, but the friend-Man can forgive you," she concluded logically.

Chi San's jaws tightened. "Can we talk about this inside?" he asked, gesturing to her apartment door.

"NO!" she yelled, her hands frozen on the gate door as if a seal that could never be broken.

Caught by surprise, Chi San took a step back. It was the first time tonight that Man showed any anxiety. "I'm sorry," he stuttered.

Relax, Man, she scolded herself. You don't want him to go inside, but you don't want him having any suspicions about what's going on in your apartment. She relaxed her hold on the door, but only very slightly.

"It's just that the laundromat was closed because of a broken pipe or something and I had to wash my clothes by hand and some of my wet underwear is hanging on a line in my living room and since we're not going out anymore, you're just a friend and I would be embarrassed if a male friend saw my wet underwear," she said in one breath, her excuse coming out as jumbled thoughts.

The reminder that she had decided that they weren't together anymore distracted him and he forgot about going into her apartment. "Don't I get a say in this?"

"On what? In how I dry my laundry?" she asked, her eyebrows raising.

No!? His patience was being tried. Yes, he had wrongfully accused her. But what could he do? He was a police officer and he had had damaging evidence. It was a mistake that he wasn't proud of but it was an honest mistake and it certainly didn't mean that he didn't love her. How could she just condemn him to hell eternal just like that? Wasn't their love worth more than a silly mistake?

"On us! I thought a month was more than enough for you to outplay your anger and to forgive me. But instead you decide that we should just remain friends. Don't you think you at least owe me an explanation?"

The smile that Man had plastered on her face wavered. "An explanation for what?"

He said matter-of-factly, "For dumping me."

Her smile disappeared. On Man's face was a look of despair and of sorrow. "I think you have it the other way around. You dumped me, Chi San. When you thought that I was capable of murder, you dumped me. You pushed me away from your life."

"Man, I -"

"Forget it,Chi San. I've made up my mind. If you can't accept it, then - then we won't be able to stay friends."

Chi San shook his head hard. "I don't want to be friends with you." How could he make her understand?

"We don't have to be friends if you don't want to. But we're not going to be more either."

Man smiled sadly. "Goodbye, Inspector Kong Chi San."

She turned and headed for the stairways, leaving Chi San alone by her apartment door.

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The midnight hours were rolling by. The 24-hour fast food restaurant was empty, except for a few lone souls who had come out for a late-night snack.

Man chewed on her hamburger as she nervously studied her watch. Chi San should be gone by now, she concluded. It should be safe to go back up to her apartment. No, she concluded again, better to wait until he's definitely gone. He can be pretty stubborn at times, no doubt something he picked up from Tsui Fei.

With all her energy, she forced herself to continue grading her students' test papers. But her mind kept drifting off back to Chi San.

Ever since their last encounter at Tong Sum's tombstone, Man had decided there was no future for the two of them. She couldn't be together with Chi San otherwise she would lose her sanity.

She had to keep him out of her life. It was easier said than done - a hell lot easier.

Man knew that deep in her heart, she still loved him and would probably always love him. If she saw him and he begged her a few times, she would fall into his arms again, just like she almost did at Tong Sum's tombstone.

And so, Man had constructed everything she would say the next time she saw him again. That was easy, considering that she understood him so well that she had been able to predict his reaction to everything she said. Every single word, every single pause - that had all been mulled over by her for days and days until the conversation was perfect.

And then she had performed it in her head again and again. Until she knew it by heart. Until she could spit out everything in her sleep. Until she could say it backwards and not miss a single beat, a single word.

It had worked perfectly. She had said everything she rehearsed. He had said everything she predicted he would say. The rehearsed conversation had become such a routine for her that she felt no temptation to fall back into his arms.

The only thing she hadn't seen coming was him wanting to go into her apartment.

Man shivered slightly at the thought. He can't ever go in there. He can't know what's happening.

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The smell of eggs and sausages drifted into Fei's nose when he opened the bathroom door. Dripping wet from his morning shower, he called out, "Kwan? You're awake?"

"Uh-huh," she answered, "I'm in the dining room."

He padded barefoot into the dining room and saw a fully dressed Quin setting the table for breakfast. "What are you doing?" he asked, his arms ready to carry her off to bed where she would get the rest she needed.

"Making breakfast," Quin said matter-of-factly, "What does it look like I'm doing?"

With a gentle but forceful motion, Fei sat Quin down on a chair. "You're not supposed to be exerting yourself. You're not supposed to be making me breakfast. I'm supposed to be making you breakfast. And why in the world are you all dressed to go out?"

"I'm going to work."

He cocked his head to make sure he had heard right. "Come again?"

With a deep breath, Quin looked Fei in the eyes. "I'm going to work, Fei. I called in and my boss said my position is ready and waiting for me."

"No."

Quin could feel a part of her confidence diminishing. "No?"

He said the one-syllable word again.

"Give me one good reason why not, Fei."

"You just came out of the hospital. Don't you think you oughta stay home and rest up a bit before you start work again?"

It was everything she knew he would say. "No, I don't. I've been resting enough at the hospital. I've been staring at four walls for a month and I'm bored of that." She said that last part a little guiltily because she knew it wasn't true. Fei had taken a month off from work and stayed with her everyday. She had never been bored because he had always been by her side to talk, to cry, to hug, to be.

"You won't be bored. I phoned your aunt and asked her to keep you company while I'm at work. You two can go out and walk around."

"Well if I'm gonna be out anyway, then why can't I just go to work?"

He shook his head. "Kwan, that's two different things. Going out to take a brisk walk is healthy for you. It'll refresh your mind and body. But working? You'll be stressed out listening to the patients talking about their problems."

Now it was her turn to shake her head. "My boss said I would start out only with light paperwork to get back into the hang of things. That's it - paperwork."

"You'll still be exerting yourself. You gotta give it at least two more weeks."

"Two more weeks?" she asked in disbelief. She was about to protest when tears formed at the corner of his eyes. "Fei?"

"Kwan," his tone serious, "I've come too close to losing you more than once and that's more than I can bear. When you fell down those stairs, I thought I'd almost lost you. I don't want to feel like that ever again. Please," he begged, "rest a little more until you've regained your full health before going back to work."

Quin stared at his tears and reluctantly nodded.

"That's my girl." Plopping a kiss on her forehead, he straightened up and padded into their bedroom to dress.

Half an hour later when Fei left for work, Quin was still picking at her breakfast of eggs and sausage.

Last night, she thought she wasn't a whole woman. Now she wasn't even half a woman.

She was a little kid.

What is happening to Man? What is so bad about her apartment that Chi San can never see what's happening? How will Chi San react when he finds out?
How has the loss of the baby affected Quin and Fei's relationship? What feelings are torturing Fei right now? Is Quin feeling discontent with her relationship with Fei?