Papa




Papa, I plead guilty
I loved a man I could not have
He?d really rather be a
Recovering Christian instead
He said I got so closed to
Real but turned the page
On his fairy tale romance novel
Said I tried to light a
flicker, a flame, with a
wet box of matches
Papa, when you were a boy,
did you throw your heart
Beyond, above, over the fence
?Cause he said I?ve not
enough to cool his temple
To light his candles
But enough to say good-bye
To a fry, a water lily guy,
a heart he could not claim,
a heart I could not tame,
Through my tears, I thought
I heard him say my name
He said, ?There?s a place in
Heaven for boys like you,
a rendezvous outside the front gate?
Wait, wait, please don?t g
Papa, do you know what it
takes to love a man, a one night
stand, a good time guy who smiled
as he took me by the hand?
Papa, do you understand?
Father, can you see, maybe he
didn?t want me here
He surely made that clear
Yes, he threw it in my ear
and when it touched down
Hit solid ground, hit that pit of cold
inside, I cried,
I tried...
Papa, I miss his shoulder,
that heavy holder where I
lie my head, his touch in
bed, I miss him, is that
okay?
Is that okay?
Said I caught a star in
my eye, found a burial
ground where I want to die
Found a plot of land that
seems to fit me well
seems to listen when I tell
myself everything is going
to be okay.
Papa, my insides are cooling
down, fooling around with
the strength you think I need
to succeed in the game
Maybe I can blame the world
some tortured girl with wobbly
knees, in baby T?s and ripped
boy jeans.
Love established lust was its
friend next door, that safe
harbor I?ve no use for
I know that I?ve been
driven, given ribbons
to wrap around this pain
to make it pretty again.
Papa, I know I?m good
enough, strong and tough,
weak with pain, but good
in love.
Papa, this is me, faster than
that dancing gypsy beneath
that man in the moon
I think he got my message, got
my tip on how to cool me off
Yeah, I?m mostly talk with a
super-star walk, walked
right out the door, because I
wasn?t welcome there anymore
Papa, your super-duper
styling, smiling little boy
left his joy in that taxi
cab that took him home
in the back seat, swollen
eyes, all alone.
Yes Papa, this is crumble
this is tumbling off the stage,
this is real
Baby boy never learned
how to walk in heels.
Maybe I didn?t want to hear
why I was really brought
here, behind these doors to
disappear, faster than snow
flurries in the sun
Papa, you taught me how to
Run faster
Taught me that laughter heals
the soul, but I thought it
over, one or two more times,
until I felt like a fool
Papa, please, tell me, tell me
if you know, if I hurt
like this and hide away
from the cold, you know
how to run, faster than that
spiteful gun, where do I
where does your bullet go?
I think, unfortunately, I know
Yes, father, I think I know
how it goes now. So, cold....