The great opossum hunter rides again...

It was dark in the kitchen when I heard the potatoes fall to the floor. I paused, thinking a mouse had made its way to the table. and flicked on the light.

Nothing.

It was late, I was hungry, and I went for the loaf of bread, noting the ruffled fur followed surprisingly by the white face staring at me. "Shit!"

I flew back from the kitchen grasping for some blunt object. I found the 50-pound plumber's hammer, a bit big for close quarters combat in the kitchen, but it would have to do. My adversary, a medium-sized possum, was poised atop my microwave, mouth open and breathing heavy.

"Shit!"

I didn't know what to do. The possum didn't either. We sat there staring at each other, a standoff. I yelled to the kids in the bedroom, "shut the door!!!" The last thing I needed was for the scared rodent to run into them at nearly eleven at night. I'd never get any sleep. But now, eye to eye with this guy, I had no idea how to get him out. I ran back to my room, grabbed a samurai short sword, and made my way stealthily back to the kitchen.

Opening the front and back doors, I poked him, trying to get him to run out one of them. He dropped to the floor and retreated behind the fridge. I pulled the contents of the table into the office, trying to get line of sight of the trespasser. There was no good way to access the new hiding spot behind the fridge in my very cramped kitchen.

I slammed the fridge against the wall hoping to get him out. It didn't work. It was time for the final option. I dropped the plumber's hammer behind the fridge, hitting my target clean. Crawling around to the other side, I saw the face of the near dead vermin still silently hissing. I put the sword through and ended the struggle.

My neighbors had been alerted and were standing on the porch with my kids when I emerged, drenched in dirt and sweat and filth, clutching the dead possum with BBQ tongs. They screamed as I took him to the street, letting his body lie on the median as a warning to others of his kind. This house don't take kindly to rodents....marsupials...whatever...

We went to bed. The kids finally drifted to sleep and I lay there trying to fall off with the fan blowing, AC cooling, and a strange scratching of plastic wrap noise right below my ear. I turned on the light and looked below my bed and saw another white face staring at me from behind the dresser.

"Shit! Kids! Get out of the room. There's one in here now." They ran like crazed monkeys into the living room. This one retreated as well, but to where I could not determine. It was near midnight. I wasn't going to get any sleep.

With the kids help, we began emptying the bedroom, giving no secret places for the second possum to hide. I flipped the mattress and box spring from the bed frame and could see no sign of the intruder. After almost an hour of searching, nothing, no sign of any fluffed fur. He had gotten away, but to where?

We started reassembling our bed and our lives, when I glanced down behind the dresser and saw the curly pink tail followed by a fuzzy tuft of something. There he was.

Pulling away the contents atop the dresser I had a straight shot down at him. Once again I grabbed the plumber's hammer for the fugitive's final freefall. It struck him square and he appeared dead. I grabbed the sword to get him out when he began running and jumping and twitching out of control. The blow had not been fatal and now I had a very angry possum behind my dresser. The overhand downward strike ended the melee. I tonged him from out behind his hiding place and dropped him in the trash. This one was a bit bigger than the first and the kids screamed "ewwww...." in unison.

We spent the remainder of the night tearing the house apart and putting it somewhat back together. It took us a bit to get to sleep, my daughter nervous about a possible family in the house, which I also believed, but hid amazingly from the children. They drifted away and I lay there, flinching at every noise, waiting for the little scratch-scratch-scratching of plastic wrap that might start the hunt all over again.