| "A Sense of
Himself" by Darkfrozenmind
For my sisters Razzy, NMajik, Yuan; and my dearest friends Zarzar and Kako. Thank you.
This is also the chapter where I reveal stuff about Shinya, Kyo, and Toshiya necessary for the connecting series to ASOH ~__~ I know I make my life complicated >__< gomen. On to the story...
***** Chapter 11: You are my church *****
==== Kaoru stood at the front steps of a familiar door, the brown panel seemed to hypnotize him; forbid him from coming beyond the steps. "Kao, you have the key to your apartment?" "Yes..." Kaoru's hands fidget within his coat pocket, feeling the keys without the strength to bring them out. "Kao, what's wrong?" "I can't do it....I'm scared..." "I'll hold your hand." "Huh?" "I'll hold your hand as we go inside." Past. Present. Future. His church. His strength. ***** "Die...help..." Kaoru was sitting on the floor, and he had stuff on his lap, some books, paers, style sheets, and music sheets. A satisfied face painted upon him as he rediscovered things about himself. it was like finding treasure along the shore line; in some desolate beach, right after a storm had swept through it the night before. Kaoru was trying to stand up with all those things in his arms. "Kaoru?" "Help..." Die was in a hurry coming out of the kitchen worried that something might have happened to Kaoru, but seeing the current situation he could not help but laugh. "Uhm, why don't you try standing up first, then picking them up one by one..." "No....this is easier and I'm realy an impatient person..." Kaoru answered light heartedly. "Alright, alright..." "Thank you." kaoru answered sweetly, that made Die cross eyed yet again. "What are these anyway??" "Stuff from my 'Kaoru Box'" "Kaoru Box?" "Yeah my memorabilia and mementos since I was a kid; you have your wooden desk, i have my 'Kaoru box'" "ooooh...okay..." Die gently took half of the things in Kaoru's arms; placing them on the wide coffee table placed at the center of Kaoru's living room. Kaoru then stood and placed the items in his arms, before taking a seat on the couch. Die was about to sit down when he remembered something... "be back in a bit..." "where are you going..." "I forgot I was washing the dishes..." "you don't need to wash them, I'm going with you anyway." "i know, I know but you don't want the smell of mold greeting you the next time you come here..." "I suppose..." "Okay." "Die." "Kaoru?" "I'm sorry I didn't eat the dinner you prepared for me on my birthday..." "What? Why are you apologising? YOU didn't plan for that terrible thing to happen." Die's voice choking up as he recollected the incident. Without hesitation Kaoru leaned and kissed Die fully, lips upon lips and all the sweetness in between. "It's all over now, Die...I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." The redhead clung to Kaoru basking in those words, Kaoru held him, everything started falling into place and perspective, there were glimpses of triumph...they were going to make it; he'd have it no other way. He had cried yet again, wincing in shame at Kaoru's patience...he cried often enough about the simplest things, but Kaoru understood, sometimes Die scolded himself because he often cried about Kaoru and in reality he didn't want to make Kaoru feel that he was responsible for those tears, though it was for him. "Die, you okay?" "H-hai." Die slowly pulled away wiping his eyes in Kaoru's collar. he smiled at Kaoru and stood up determined to finish his task in the kitchen. "Wait for me ne? We'll look at them together." "Alright." Kaoru smiled, trying to sort out the pictures from the letters. Die headed to the kitchen, from within, Kaoru could hear the water running and the soft clink of utensils and plates being moved. He closed his eyes for a while; he yawned a bit, taking in every shape and size of the things he saw in his apartment. it's been so long since he's been here; it had that familiar aura; but somehow it wasn't home to him, not if Die wasn't going to be there. "Die..." "Kao?" Die called from the kitchen. "Thanks for driving me here." "Eh...don't thank me Kao it's no big deal." "It is to me..." No sound, and Die emerged from the kitchen wiping his hands on a kitchen towel and walking towards where Kaoru sat. He placed the cloth on the table and faced Kaoru... "Okay Mr. Pouty face what's bothering you?" "Nothing...it's just so nice to see this place again and rediscover things...rediscover you..." Die's face burned and he knew he was really red, he bowed his head coyly. "Oh stop! Kaoru..." They looked at each other and chuckled.
***** "Oh my god! This was when we were in Highschool, it's Tanaka Shoji god he was a geek! Damn kid never let me copy his math homework!" Die laughed so hard as he reminisced. He and Kaoru had been going through the pictures diligently, skimming through painted memories that were vivid as if it happened only yesterday. Letting the colors of each picture slide by and recall the emotion behind each. Eyes dilating to the pure joy of seeing the past. A past like any other, filled with sorrow, beauty and joy. "Oh yeah! Remember when we hid his bento box and forgot about it until the teacher complained of some foul smell??" Kaoru was excitedly telling Die. "I dooooo!" When everything sort of stopped between them, two people surrounded by memories. Reaching for each other, and a dance of flesh began. It was Die who initiated the kiss, followed by his touch hat seemed to set Kaoru on fire, every touch made him burn, and to the redhead he seemed to radiate. Die slowly pulled him, pulling him so that he would climb on the redhead's lap, every movement was like punishment for Kaoru. It was so hard to move when he was locked in a french kiss with Die, he fumbled, touched...chuckles shared as they accidentally touched parts that were sensitive enough to make them yelp... Die reached for Kaoru's pants and unbuttoned it; he was about to pull it down - *Bleeep...bleeep...bleeep* "Damnit!" Die cursed as he felt Kaoru pull back seductively and then the redhead pulled out his mobile. there he saw the culprit's name. "This better be DAMN good TOSHIYA!" Kaoru smiled Wryly as he pushed himself back, against the arm of his sofa and pulled his legs to him, hugging his knees; smiling as he watched Die fume. And practically hearing the bassist shout at the other end of the line. "DIE I'm sorry for disturbing you and Kaoru while having sex....BUT...!" "TOSHIYA?!!" "Well I'm right aren't I?? you wouldn't be THIS upset if you weren't doing anything !" "Alright, whatever...what is it you want?" "Ano...can I sleep at your apartment tonight..." the bluehead let his voice fade. "What? Why?" "I promise to be real quiet, you and Kao will not even know I'm there!" "Toshiya, you can sleep at the aartment but I want to know why...did something happen?" "Nothing." "Hakuei realized you're such a pest he threw you out?" "WHAT! of course NOT!" "Uhuh..." "Heck! I'll just tell you when I get to your apartment!" "When are you coming? Kaoru and I are still at his place." "Tonight at 8" "Okay, I'll tell Kaoru." "AHHH thanks Die you're a blessing! Ja!" Die quietly shut his phone looking at Kaoru. he didn't have to explain to Kaoru... "What do you think Toshiya would like for dinner, Die?" "Well he can have the same thing we're having." Kaoru laughed, at Die's distraught voice. "Where were we Kaoru?" Kaoru slowly moved to Die, gently climbing onto his lap againa nd exposng his belly, and the open button. "Here." he said coyly. "Right." Kaoru tilted his head as die attacked his neck, lips sliding lower to his collar, sucking at the bone. Kaoru's hands softly unbuttoning Die's shirt, and sliding it over one braod sholder, then kissing the skin, so sensuously it made Die see moan softly. kaoru then broke away before tilting Die's chin so they could kiss...lip on lip, tongue on tongue yet again...emitting sounds of pleasure...Kaoru was helping Die take off his T shirt when.... *Blip....Blip...Blip...* Their lips locked, it was kaoru's eyes that opened first recognizing his mobile...his eyes narrowed and he grudgingly pulled away, and pulling the mobile from his coat, discarded. He read the name on the screen. "Shinya." His voice was quipped, and tone was flat. Die rolled his eyes, pulling his shirt over his shoulder and looked at Kaoru, as if telling him to hang up. Kaoru was about to oblige if not for the faint, broken voice of the drummer. "Kaoru..." "Shin-chan? What's wrong?" "K-Kaoru...can I sleep over tonight ...please..." Kaoru was about to say something when he suddenly heard Shinya sniffle...he was crying..." "please Kaoru...I just need to get away from here..." "Yes, of course Shin-chan, you may...what time will we expect you?" "I-I'll be around by 8" "Okay we'll see you then." "Thank you, Kaoru." Then the line went dead. When Kaoru looked up Die was looking at him with a raised eyebrow. "Shin-chan?" Kaoru looked at Die. "There's no malice in that Die, I was just comforting him, he sounded really sad." "What did he say?" Kaoru shook his head. "I think we have another guest this evening that's going to stay the night." Die exagerratedly flopped down on the couch, wailing in an alomost funny tone, though Koaru could pick out the complaint within his words. "I never get you alone Kao..." he sighed. Kaoru blushed at that, skimming for words beyond the ordinary, he gently touched Die's knee. "Gomen, Die. B-but we're alone now..." Die immediately got up and stopped his wailing and looked at Kaoru, eyes glinting with mischievous hope. Maybe this time they'd be able to get it right, Die swiftly kissed Kaoru, pushing the mobiles far off the other side the coffee table. There was a certain hunger in Die's rough action, and that excited kaoru all the more...kaoru himself eased his pants off him, letting it ride low on his hips, spreading his legs to the subtle friction which promised so much more...he was panting, hands tangled in Die's hair... *knock, knock* Die jumped up. "I give up! It's a fucking conspiracy!" *knock, knock* "Die..." "Kaoru, I just really want you..." *knock, knock* Kaoru didn't answer and just looked away as he pulled his pants back up while Die turned around to see who was at the door. First he heard a familiar timber, then that embarassed laugh...he stood up then stood behind Die, touching his lover's back as he greeted the visitor. "Kyo?" "Eh...Kaoru...I tried calling you guys at Die's apartment but no one was answering...I took a wild guess and came here...I guess I was right...because uhm...hehe...here you are!" Kaoru and Die just stared at the frail blonde. "Uhm...did I catch you two at a really bad time?" "No." The couple answered in unison. "Oh good!" then Kyo proceeded to go inside and settled on the couch, not really minding the incredilous look on both guitarists. then Kyo proceeded to speak; and what he said made Kaoru want to faint... "Guys...I'm really in a RUT! Could I sleep over at your place tonight, i just really need to let something out! Please!" Kyo was practically screaming at both of them. Kaoru sighed deeply and turned around. "Die..." Kaoru looked at Die as if he was handing him the resonsibility, being it *his* apartment. Kyo blinked a couple of times before looking expectantly at Die. "Eh, Kyo...Kaoru's just tired...and uhm s-sure you can stay..." "Yatta! Die you're a saint!" "I am" Die said quietly. Eyes looking for Kaoru, finding him sitting by the staircase. "What time will we expect you?" "Eh...hmmmm...6 will be too early...9 would be too late...7 would seem like a dinner date....." "KYO!" Die said irately. "I'll be there at 8..." Die nodded. Then before he could reply, Kyo was already standing up and going to the door. "I have to go now...see you at 8, Bye Kao, Bye Die!" A slam of the door and he was gone. Die softly turned, wishing that it was the last time they would be interrupted...he made his way to Kaoru's side when he noticed that Kaoru was nursing his temples with his thumb and index finger. As if he was succumbing from a wearysome headache that shadowed his face with ...anguish? "Kaoru?" "Die...everyone seems to have problems...they wouldn't come to us if they didn't feel helpless..." "Y-yes..." "I know so little about them, like I am clueless if they're hurting...how can i protect them from this...I'm such a terrible leader..." "Kaoru, what are you talking about?" "This is the least i can do..." "Kaoru, look at me." Kaoru softly turned to look at Die, a quiet plea. Eyes shining with unshed tears, reading between the lines or reading too much into something. An ache in his heart. He was trying to save everyone again. Die saw this and he had that inward smile...there Kaoru sat trying to save everyone, there he was reading between the lines, there he was being the true leader that he is. "Die..." "You're a good leader, a good friend...don't read too much into everything." "Die I'm slipping. I wasn't like this, I was always attuned to everything they needed..." "Kaoru will you give yourself a break! You've been recuperating...and you have always been great and attuned! That's why they even turn to you in the first place...you got it?" Kaoru nodded slowly, internalizing Die's words, then he slumped down quietly, folding himself so his cheek rested on his lap, as he sat on the staircase. die climbed a step above Kaoru and hugged him gently. "I think you're doing a pretty good job watching over them..." "You think so..." "Yeah...but..." "But what?" "I feel rejected." "Die..." Die smiled at Kaoru, a disarming smile. "I was kidding..." Kaoru straightened up and leaned closer, kissing Die deeply, tilting his head so his slender neck was exposed for Die to touch and caress. As they broke for air, Kaoru looked at Die seductively and bit his lip... "Do you still feel rejected..." "Uhmmm...I can't really make up my mind, would you like to convince me more?" Kaoru grinned evilly as he kissed Die hard before breaking away... "I'd love to convince you senseless, but we have guests and we have to be heading home..." Die watched in agony as kaoru stood and walked down the steps going back to the living room. Kaoru had to chuckle as he heard Die scream from without the room... "Unfair!!! This is a fucking conspiracy!!! Kaoru you're so mean!"
***** Die stood by the car. He had just finished loading the 'Kaoru Box' they both decided to go through its contents some other time in Die's apartment. Die also loaded some more clothes and CDs all of which belonged to Kaoru. He softly crossed his arms when he caught sight of Kaoru locking his apartment door, then finally turning with a guitar in his hand. "Agatha!!!" Die shouted joyfully. "Yeah, I found her and just had to bring her along." Kaoru answered smiling referring to the *beautiful* guitar. Die took the guitar from Kaoru, she was colored deep red, smooth mahogany varnished with enduring lacquer that kept the little scratches at bay. 'Agatha' was kaoru's first guitar. Die held her for a while before strumming a short riff, then his attention reverted back to Kaoru as he was surprised by a flash... Kaoru smiled at Die. "I found my polaroid too." Die shook his head as he walked to the driver's side, opening the door and carefully placing the guitar at the backseat of his sedan, before getting in and waiting for Kaoru to lock his seatbelt, Die was about to pull out when Kaoru showed him the Polaroid shot... "You're as handsome as ever." Kaoru said lovingly. Die looked at him and smiled. Kaoru couldn't help but reach out and caress his lover's face. Then it was time to drive away.
***** Toshiya struggled to get his Louis Vuitton luggage out of the cab, smiling gently at the driver who came to his aid. the driver curtly asked where he wanted the luggage to be placed and Toshiya instructed him to leave it by the door. As the man proceeded, Toshiya brought some bills out of his pocket and a hefty tip. Once the man was beside him he gave the money and turned around, eyes almost coming out of their sockets. "Shinya???" There by Die's front door stood Shinya with his backpack, he looked at Toshiya, then the bag, pouted then pushed the door bell. Toshiya pouted as well and kept his gaze intent on the drummer. "i'm spending the night here." Shinya declared defensively. "So am I" Toshiya countered. "Looks like you're going to *live* here..." "hey! I could not decide what to bring okay!" Shinya rolled his eyes. "What the hell are you two doing here!!!!" Both Shinya and Toshiya winced at the loud voice that seemed to resonate with them. they both turned expecting fully well who was the source of that *noise*. Shinya spoke first. "Kyo could you keep it down..." "No." "...." "I was supposed to be the one to sleep here and talk to Kaoru about something!" "nonono I asked Die if I could stay here and he said yes, which means I get to talk to Kaoru tonight." Toshiya bit back. "I spoke to Kaoru over the phone! and he said yes!" Shinya quipped. "Ha! i spoke to both Die and Kaoru personally!" "I'm staying, you two go home!" "No you go home!" "You thought of that! You do it! Go H.O.M.E." Their argument was causing such a rucus that people started peering out their windows at the trio battling it out. Softly Die's front door opened and Kaoru quietly came out. "Guys." it was a low but firm whisper and everyone shut their mouths. "Come in." Kyo was first to come in, gently pushing Toshiya out of the way, then Shinya followed smiling gently at Kaoru; and Kaoru gently sharing a smile. then it was toshiya lugging his expensive bag... Kaoru began joking... "You moving in with Die and me...?" "Ha ha ha! not funny Kaoru." Toshiya had to blush as his other bandmates, including Die who sat on one of the counter chairs joined in laughing. Kaoru patted Toshiya's back softly. "we're only joking Toshiya." "I know." ***** Die sat quietly on his side of the bed, looking sideways, almost glaring at the *occupants* of HIS and KAORU's bed. At the foot of it Kyo sprawled himself, resting his hed on one of his hands as he looked at Toshiya, siiting in next to Kaoru who sat next to Shinya, they formed a circle, only Die was outside of the circle...resenting that *they* had to insist in taling *there*...the whole scene looked like a pajama party and Die was trying to catch Kaoru's eyes, begging him with his orbs to get rid of the three... Kaoru tactfully ignored his lover, and concentrated on Toshiya who was quietly telling his bandmates the story of why he was there in the first place. He moved to softly as if making space for Die if ever he wanted to join the circle...Die ignored the look that Koaru was giving him - /join! You are being rude Daisuke/. Die looked away, but was eventually dragged back to reality at the sound of Kaoru's low yet commanding voice. "Die, can you actually hear Toshiya when you're so far...come closer." With an unreadable face Die crawled closer, sat beside Toshiya and listened, pouting. "Anyway, I really didn't want to bother anyone by being here..." Toshiya sniffled. "..too late..." Die mumbled. The comment not escaping Toshiya and he looked at Die incredilously. It was Kaoru that broke the silence. "Don't mind him, Toshiya...what hapened?" "W-Well, Hakuei's recording with some people, and I haven't met them but, since he started recording with them, he seems to be distracted all the time, even if he's with me...one ring of his mobile and he's out the door, like he never wants me to hear the conversation..." "What are you saying Totchi?" Kaoru prodded. "I think he has a girlfriend." "What?" "Well one time after one of his conversation he set his mobile on the side table and went to shower...he thought I was sleeping...I checked the last number that called him and the name that came out was "Aya" " Kaoru was about to say something... "WHAT AM I GOING TO DOOOOOO??" Toshiya wailed loudly, too bad for Die, he was right next to him. "Maybe a little LOUDER still, Toshiya!" Die glared at the bassist. Toshiya pouted. "Totchi...none of us are sure who this "Aya" is to Hakuei, the best ting to do really is to talk to him about it okay?" Kaoru said quietly. "But I'm afraid of what he'll say Kaoru...what if he confirms it...I can't deal with that!" "But how will you know unless you ask..." "I don't want to know..." It was Die's irate voice that countered Toshiya. "What kind of crap is that Toshiya...you ask! You have to know! Or what else are you staying together for if you can't be honest with each other." "It's not that easy Die..." Toshiya said quietly. "...." "I don't think I can survive another break-up" With that Die looked away, and Kaoru looked at Toshiya solemnly. "Toshiya...A heartache's purpose is to make one wiser and stronger...and nothing more...remember that." kaoru communicated to the bluehead whose eyes were now shiny with unshed tears. "Kaoru...why can't I keep a relationship? Something's wrong with me..." To everyone's surprise it was Die who comforted Toshiya. "You're not the problem, the problem is right there in front of you...all you have to do is solve it...don't be afraid we're all here for you." Die said comforting the bassist, gently pulling Toshiya in an embrace. Toshiya nodded quietly, but his eyes spoke so much more, there was a certain glint of determinaton that wasn't there before. This didn't escape Kaoru and he smiled at Die, praising him beyond words for his maturity and concern. "Hmmm? why you smiling at me Kaoru?" Die teased... "Nothing, I just found what you said incredibly mature..." "Thank you...did you find it sexy as well?" "Maybe" kaoru bit his lip. "How sexy?" suddenly Die's voice dropped an octave lower, his voice bearing a sudden husky feel... "GUYS!" Kyo screamed. Both Kaoru and Die looked at him.... "Do NOT flirt with each other like horny cats...while you have guests!" Kaoru stifles a laugh..."we were just talking..." "Yeah right! You all lie terribly!" Shinya cut in eliciting laughter from everyone. There was a certain arrogance in Shinya's voice, Kaoru knew all too well that Shinya started getting arrogant it means that he was hurting inside. Kaoru could almost feel Shinya's cold walls go higher as he looked at him; and as Shinya realized he was looking at him. "So Shinya! what's your story..." Die asked Shinya, voicing out what kaoru had wanted to ask just momnets before. "N-nothing...I just didn't want to spend the night alone at home that's all..." "Yeah~ YOU lie terribly~" it was kyo who cut in boredly, yet his eyes were intent on Shinya. "I mean it Kyo, I just don't want to be alone that's why I called Kaoru and asked if I could spend the night." Shinya insisted. "Shinya, where's Atsushi?" Kaoru asked protectively, referring to shinya's much older lover. "He's in LA... see Yoshiki and stuff...the usual..." Kyo butt in..."The 'usual'?" "Well that's what he always tells me, the "usual" stuff I don't understand...don't need to know..." Shinya felt Kaoru's hand gently stroking his back. He looked at Kaoru. "I'm invisible to him, and he only sees me when he has something to tell me or needs me to do something for him...I'm losing him..." "Shinya..." "No!, He never even lets me call him by his first name in public, he told me to cal him "sakurai-san" , we can't hold hands...fuck!" The fallen explitive from Shinya's mouth surprised everyone, most especially Kyo who had known so little of such instances, his eyes narrowed and said such bold words. "Dump the asshole." Kyo insisted, gritting his teeth. Shinya just looked at Kyo...before he was able to gather his wits... "No." "No?" "I can't, because I don't want to let go of him, so many things we still need to sort out." "Fine, your decision." And Shinya looked away, face scowling, obviously the comment from Kyo irritated him more. The exchange was witnessed by the three who sat quietly, obviously leaving it to the blonde tohelp Shinya sort stuff out. "I know it's my decision, so don't put words in my mouth...he's a good man." Shinya finally spoke. "whatever you say" Kyo said with a hint of finality which Shinya honored. Kyo looked pensive after that, he straightened up and sat quietly. Noting that Die was looking at him. "What?" "What What?" "...." "Your turn Kyo..." "Well to tell you the truth I have no problem! Just the fact that I don't have a life! Mushy-gushy relationship problems are for pansies and well I'm not like that! I really just came here so we could at least watch a video or something! Maybe some beer..." To a stranger Kyo might sound like he was saying the truth, though to all of them, he had something hidden in between those words, but knowing their friend and vocalist, the more you try to unearth his secrets the more it pushes within himself. Kyo was like Quicksand. Toshiya pulled Kyo into a big hug "let's have beer then!!" he squeeled, making Kyo wince, grab the nearest thing which was the daily paper and swatted Toshiya. "Don't SQUEEL" "Meanie." "Yeah Toshiya, don't squeel" Die seconded while he tried rubbing his ears, only to be hit by the newspaper; this time by Toshiya. "Who asked you?!!!" ***** Die quietly fluffed his pillow as he got ready for bed. he was exhausted, a few drinks with the band meant almost 5 bottles of Vodka, even Shinya had been willing to down more than his fair share. He looked at Kaoru who was shutting the door, after making sure that everyone was okay that Shinya and Kyo were settled in Die's music room that had a comfortable Sofa bed and convincing Toshiya that there was no boogie man in the guest room and that it was better for him to stay there than sleep between him and Die (kyo begged Kaou to let Toshiya sleep elsewhere, because a drunk Toshiya is an odd Toshiya). Die had found it really humorous, and there was pride beneath all that for Kaoru, for taking on leadership and friendship so well... Kaoru caught his eye. "Die, I'm so sorry if I seem to be neglecting you tonight..." Die beckoned him to come closer in his arms. "I have you in my arms now don't I?" "Yes. But still..." "But what? You weren't neglecting me, I'm proud of you." Kaoru tightened his hold on Die, as the redhead continued... "But you do owe me some time Kaoru...just the two of us." "I know. I'll make it up to you." Die grinned evilly... "When?" "Whenever you want...the kids are sleeping..." Kaoru said stifling a laugh. Die pushed Kaoru to the bed, lifting Kaoru's shirt and kissing his smooth chest, making Kaoru feel like he was falling, making him moan gently. Reflex had it, and Kaoru spread his legs a little making room for Die in between. Die lifted Kaoru's hips, tugging at the waistband of Kaoru's pajama, making it slide lower...almost off -- *KNOCKKNOCK* Die wanted to cry. Kaoru had his eyes closed, trying not to giggle. From the outside, Toshiya called out... "Kaoru? Die? you awake...I swear there were noises in the closet, there's a boogie man in your guest room..I swear and Kyo and Shinya won't open...I'm scared let me in!" Kaoru swallowed and called Totchi inside. then he looked at Die. "I give UP!!! I can't win! This is a conspiracy!" Die cried out just as Toshiya was coming in. "Huh?" The bluehead smiled cluelessly. Kaoru just laughed motioning to the large couch at the side of the bedroom. "You can stay there Totchi, and here are some more pillows" "Yaaaa! thank you Kaoru! Die!" Die just covered his face with a pillow and groaned woefully. ***** Kaoru quietly turned off the lamp when he noticed that both Die and Toshiya had fallen asleep. Quietly he moved nearer Die and hugged him close, nuzzling his shoulder, eventually falling asleep himself. Toshiya saw kaoru move in the dark, so close to Die. /Die you're so lucky he loves you.../ Toshiya turned, his face facing the backrest of the couch, thoughts wandering, missing Hakuei so much...That sinking fear doubling, Toshiya wished Hakuei was there to tell him that everything will be alright. /Hakuei, let everything be alright please.../ a tear falling. before he closed his eyes. Kyo slept on one side, while Shinya slept on the other...He tossed and turned, then stopped looking at the auburn haired boy sleeping quietly, Kyo let his hand slide on the surface of the bed...the wide space between them. /Shinya...see me./ ***** Studio. Chisato (Dfm *faints* at the mention of Chisato *___*) concentrated in showing Aya, the guitarist of New Sodmy the riff he was working on just hours before. Aya's eyes were locked with the strings moving, ears tracing the patterns, before mimicing Chisato. beyond the glass. Brown eyes watching. Blonde hair masking the look of longing. Hakuei stared at the young guitarist. Aya. Youth. Talent. Beauty He closed his eyes and shook his head. Thoughts, trying to rid himself of the guilt. Toshiya... /Gomen/ (tbc)
to be continued
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