WHiMS
By Corporal Coral
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WHiMS II: The
Wrath Of The Wife
Dedicated to WHiMS, especially Pam, for never leaving us without a civil war for long and never failing to make me laugh!
Disclaimer: Michael Sullivan and Tuvok and Kathryn and the holodeck and the brig and Voyager and the corridors and the carpets… you get the idea… belong to Paramount. "WHiMS" (We Hate Michael Sullivan) is a JetCJr8 creation, and not available for use in Star Trek episodes. Or else.
Like professional spies, the
attack force moved with practised stealth down the uniform grey
corridors to their destination. Each member was fully equipped
for the tasks they were about to undertake, and they had planned
for nearly every eventuality.
"Psst! This way!" Private Pampers, leader of the gang,
whispered.
"How much further, Private?" Coral asked in a hushed
voice.
"According to my map, it's just down the corridor," the
Private whispered back. "Now shut up!"
Obediently, the attack force fell silent, until they reached
their destination: a large, looming portal that seemed to rise
for miles from their vantage point on all fours on the floor.
"Great," Lt Hayes muttered. "Now what do we
do?"
"Don't worry," Pte. Pampers said, pulling a PADD out of
her pocket. "Jay the Spy gave me the circuit diagram in her
last delivery."
"Where is the door circuit?" Kim asked quietly.
Private Pampers consulted the PADD. "It doesn't say,"
she whispered in a frustrated voice.
"I think I know where it is," Jenn said softly,
pointing to a removable panel.
"Right! Get it off, Coral!" Pam ordered in a hushed but
excited voice.
Taking out her panel remover - a WHSmiths ClubCard - Corporal
Coral carefully ran it along the edges of the panel, all her
senses focused on the task. With delicacy, she prised off the
panel, exposing the bare circuitry inside.
"Yes!" Katie exclaimed.
"SSh!" Pte Pampers hushed her. She handed Kim the
diagram. "Think you can get us in?"
"You bet!" Kim replied with a wide grin.
Kim started probing the circuitry and cautiously rerouting
circuits so as not to trip any alarms. Finally her patience was
rewarded, and the massive doors slid open to admit them.
"Great work, Kim!" Lt Hayes said, giving Jenn a
hi-five.
"Let's move in, troops," Corporal Coral said, and the
group rushed into the large room.
Pte Pampers pointed to a panel. "Do your work, men - er,
girls!" she ordered.
"Yes, sir!" they saluted, and set to work with
excitement as the Private set up the dartboard. Systematically
searching the database, they studied and rejected subroutine
after subroutine, trying to find their goal. They were so
dedicated to their task that they didn't hear the large doors
open once again.
"We've found it!" Kim and Coral exclaimed at the same
time.
"Brill!" Pampers exclaimed with an evil cackle, rubbing
her hands together like a mad scientist. "Now, delete
Michael!"
"I've been waiting for this for months!" Hayes added.
"STOP!!" a voice commanded.
They all spun to face the door, except Kim who had the presence
of mind to press the delete key before she, too, turned.
"Captain… oh… ah… well…" the group
floundered between them.
"What on Earth is going on here?!" Janeway demanded.
Corporal Coral stepped forwards. "We did it for you,
Captain."
"Did what?" Tuvok asked.
Pte Pampers and the other looked at the floor. "We
deleted… Michael Sullivan's… uh… his
program…." Lt Hayes admitted, embarrassed.
"You - what?! Tuvok, take them to the brig!" Janeway
ordered.
Lieutenant Commander Tuvok obeyed, and ushered the girls out of
the holodeck with a grim face. Escorting them down the corridor,
he steadfastly ignored the group's repeated urgings to release
them. Eventually, they reached the brig, and he ordered them
inside and then snapped on the forcefield with a calm demeanour.
Corporal Coral waited until he'd left.
"Don't worry; I've got the teaspoon," she reassured
them. Pulling it out of her sock, she handed it to Lt Hayes, who
jammed it in the field emitters. The forcefield frizzled and
died.
"Let's get out of here!" Jenn said.
"No," Pte Pampers said.
"What?!" Kim exclaimed. "Are you crazy?"
"Yes," Coral grinned.
"Biscuits first," Pte Pampers explained, pulling some
out of her pockets and handing them out.
"What about him?" Coral asked, pointing to the guard
and munching on her biscuit.
Pte Pampers yanked out some sellotape and stuck it over the
guard's eyes. "That should keep as out of a sticky
situation," she said with a grin, and the group groaned.
"Now let's bust this joint!"
The team raced down the corridor at top speed, spurred on by
their dedication to their goal and determined to find Captain
Janeway before anyone else. They found her on the holodeck in
tears.
"Aw, Captain, don't cry," Kim pleaded.
"It was for the best, " Pte. Pampers said gently.
"Why did you do it?" Kathryn asked.
"I know it's hard to lose someone you love-" Pampers
began.
"-But he's only a hologram," Lt Hayes finished.
"And," Kim continued, "There's a flesh and blood
man sitting on the bridge and pining for you."
"Chakotay?" Kathryn asked in a whisper.
"You got it," Coral said.
"I suppose you're right," Kathryn sighed.
"The only real obstacle between you and Chakotay was
Michael," Katie added. "We removed him. Now it's up to
you."
"How can I ever thank you," Kathryn asked with a watery
smile.
"Easy," Pampers replied. "Go kiss Chakotay and
make us JetCers proud!"
Kathryn hurried out of the holodeck without a backward glance,
leaving WHiMS to look at each other with big grins.
"Mission accomplished," Pam sighed with satisfaction as
they beamed back to the Tomahawk for Coffee and biscuits.
THE END!