JD: Before we begin, Monica, would you like some tea or coffee?

ML: No, thank you.

JD: Or would you like to…SUCK ON THIS!!!

ML: No, I don’t feel for a Popsicle right now.

JD: Ah, more for me then. Monica, there’s something I wanted to ask you for a long time now.

ML: Sure, go right ahead.

JD: Are you now, or have you ever been, engaged in a lesbian relationship with Linda Tripp? Oh yeah…and are you a communist?

ML: Oh god! That’s so icky! How can you even ask me that sort of question? Of course I’m not a communist! I’m a strong believer in the free-market capitalist economy as enunciated by Adam Smith and Milton Friedman.

JD: Thanks for clearing that up but what about my crude lesbian smear?

ML: Why that’s just plain silly, John Doh. I never looked at Linda in that way.

JD: My mistake then. I was just imagining you as a very young and tender intern, alone in the big city, used and abused by the President of the United States, forced to service his ding-dong as one would scarf down a slurpie. Oh, the humanity! Then along comes Larry…err, I mean Linda. A tough yet caring broad with unbelievable upper-body strength, Linda befriends you and offers to give you a neck-rub with her strong masculine hands. You confide in her, trusting her chiseled face and body. Under a certain light, she even looks like Dennis Rodman-only whiter and more macho. The neck-rub stops and Linda is next to you now, the hardness of her body pressing into your supple softness. She whispers in your ear, “I may not have been born with all the right ‘equipment’ but I’ve got one mean strap-on!”…

ML: Awwww, yes! Ohhhh, baby! Awwwwwwwww. YES! YES!

JD: Monica, are you having an orgasm right now?

ML: Hmmm…yes I am, John.

JD: Well, would you mind not having it in the middle of my interview! Oh great, now you’ve stained my chair and please stop riding the armrest!

ML: Sorry John, I must have gotten carried away.

JD: That’s OK, kid. Why don’t you just….SUCK ON THIS!!!

ML: A lollipop. No thanks, I’m on a diet.

(end of interview)