Doh: So Al, how's Tipper and the girls?

Gore: They're fine, Mr. Doh. First allow me to thank you for this wonderful opportunity to present my plan for America's…

Doh: Back to the girls, Al…your daughters are really developing into beautiful young women, are they not?

Gore: Err, yes…

Doh: I mean they look like a tribe of lovely Swedish goddesses…

Gore: Shouldn't we be talking about…

Doh: …with the blond hair, the blue eyes, those long tanned legs with the cute little ankle bracelets. What are their names, by the way?

Gore: Hold on now, Mr. Doh! My daughters are out of bounds for this interview! Ask me a serious political question or I'm leaving right now!

Doh: OK, isn't it true that your family once owned slaves and shackled them in the …

Gore: Karenna, Kristin and Sarah. Tipper and I are so proud of them!

Doh: Tell me the straight poop, Al. And I don't want to hear any mincing of words! Isn't it true that your luscious daughters used to psychologically torture poor Chelsea because of her looks?

Gore: Lies! Pure, utter lies!

Doh: I mean I can't hardly blame them. They're hotties and Chelsea is well…Chelsea.

Gore: Can't we just change the subject? Please?

Doh: Stop whining, Al. It's not very presidential.

Gore: Sorry, Mr. Doh. Please forgive me.

Doh: Yeah, whatever. So what's up with your wife, Al?

Gore: Sorry, I don't follow you…

Doh: I hear she's depressed or something…You know, wacko.

Gore: She had some mental health issues a few years back…

Doh: She 's crazy.

Gore: I wouldn't use that choice of words…

Doh: Face it, Al: your wife is a raving nutcase!

Gore: Tipper had a bout of depression. She's alright now.

Doh: You must feel guilty about driving your wife insane.

Gore: Guilty, how?

Doh: By not doing your manly duties…

Gore: What?

Doh: You know, the humpty-hump. Doing the wild thang. Shagging the carpet. Hauling the ashes. Climbing the mountain. Beating the bush. Waxing the floor.

Gore: What???

Doh: You know, sex.

Gore: Tipper and I have a loving, intimate relationship!

Doh: Who are you trying to fool, Albert? You're talking to John Doh here!

Gore: Honestly, we do!

Doh: Tipper says different. She says you don't touch her anymore. She feels lonely and deprived. She feels compelled - nay driven - to find affection elsewhere. Ask her about Pepe the Filipino houseboy.

Gore: Nooooo! Not Pepe the Filipino houseboy! (sobbing uncontrollably) He told me I was the only one. His little Albertina!

Doh: Yuck, now there's a picture I didn't need to visualize! OK, we'll take a 15 minute break so you get yourself together. Here, take a Kleenex and dry those baby blues...

(after the break)

Doh: So Al, what's all this I hear about you single-handily inventing the Internet?

Gore: That statement was taken entirely out of context!

Doh: Bill Gates is none too happy, Al…

Gore: I didn't mean…

Doh: He's been talking trash about you, Al. He said something about making you "his bitch".

Gore: Look, this is childish!

Doh: Bill's been working out, you know. He used to be a 98 lbs. weakling. Now he's a 115 lbs. weakling. He's heavily tattooed and even has this golden tooth like Mike Tyson.

Gore: I didn't mean anything by it. Please, Mr. Gates, don't make me your punk! I beg of you!!!

Doh: Alrighty, then! One more question, Al. Then I'll let you go.

Gore: Thank goodness…

Doh: Let's switch to foreign policy…

Gore: Finally a serious question!

Doh: Madeline Albright.

Gore: Yes…

Doh: Is she a man or what?

Gore: OK, that's it! I'm leaving! You, sir, are not a serious journalist!

Doh: Bye, Al. I'll be around later tonight to pick up Karenna, Kristin and Sarah. And no, Tipper can't come too!

(end of interview)