Shrouding my sight,
But colouring my visions. Brightening it all,
By day and every night.
So many little drops, As if they were my thoughts.
Growing, moving around,
Before, eventually, Falling on my grounds.
Floating, still, Around me, touching me.
Everywhere, in my face.
As I walk further, At a slow pace.
As they touch me, I realize they're all,
And all the same.
Still so different, Every drop and thought.
Unique they are, Every thought of you.
A sensation, a pleasure. They remain.
A memory, a promise, Yesterday and the future.
As they were meant to be.
As it should be, as it will be they fill me.
Moving around, untill I found them,
And they found me,
Since I kept on moving, For I wanted them around me.
Walking further, Looking for a change.
But slowly and watching with care.
Enjoying a single moment, That was so pefectly there.
Mostly the same, Which I gravely desire.
And still so different to me, I wish them to be.
I sink, without drowning,
Taking my breath, Without choking me.
The water in my face,
Giving shape, building hope.
Sensations arise. And eachother they chase.
As my thoughts change it all,
As the pink drops,
Touch, grow and fall.
All days in the future, So different from the past.
Eventually all the same, as one.
That's how the future should be.
Not just what you bring, But what you create,
Of everything that was, What I want it to be.
So much to change, Just one to blame.
We do this together, All the same.
No pleasure, no pain, All the same.
Sicne I know you around, I watch it all,
With the same eyes, In different shapes,
Becoming one, Never undone.
And the same thoughts, All the same.
They are and they will be.
And hopefully later, They'll still be.
Nothing is different, But seeming better.
Just a face and name.
Still everything is so much better,
Yet, all the same.
Is it just a face? Is it just a name?
Is it the way you are? Or what you do?
Maybe the sum of it.
Never just one, 'Cause a couple takes two.
For me, my wishes, You are the sum.
Or did the sum become you?
For me, it's all the same.
You just are, just be,
And give me time,
So I can become too.
You can change it all, Or make it what it should be.
Am I changing? Or am I changing back?
Am I who I am? Or who I was?
Maybe what I should be,
But mostly, Who I will be.
This, not just all the same. A step, a first one.
To something better, more. How it should be.
And, I hope, How it will be.
Change it all,
Change me.
Make me,
And I will become.
I will be.
(Johan Aders, Venlo, 04-2003)
She made me think about who I was, what I wanted to be, and what I should be.
I decided to change things. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to. This poem is to express my feelings, and maybe to prove things to her.
I want to become,
I want to be.
