A special THANK YOU to Lady J for this beautiful and heartfelt
gift!
The "average
alcoholic" is not a skid-row "bum"—he or she is a man or woman with a
family, job and responsibilities. And 50-60% of those people have, or
had, at least one alcoholic parent. Many of us are affected by
alcoholism, but people with alcoholic parents may have an even greater
need for understanding the effects of alcohol dependence. Understanding
how this disease has affected their upbringing can help many adult
children of alcoholics gain control over their own lives.
Learned
Behavior
The
alcoholic home is often chaotic, disruptive, and lacking in
consistency. Children in alcoholic homes may feel the lack of an
"anchor"—a consistent base of support. Children from an alcoholic
family may also learn not to trust, since confidence, reliance, and
faith are often lacking in alcoholic homes. They may be unable to
depend on their parents and rarely bring friends home, never trusting
the situation they will find. They try to bring stability to the
home but may deny their own anxieties and fears, while attempting to
act in a "normal" manner.
Role-Playing
In the
alcoholic home, children tend to take on various roles -- usually as a
"defense" mechanism against the disease that is threatening their
family. One role is the responsible child who takes care of other
members of the family while growing up. As an adult, he or she
continues to assume leadership roles and often pursues a very isolated
lifestyle. Another is the role of the adjuster. He or she follows
directions, adjusts to circumstances, copes more easily. As adults,
adjusters find it easier to shrug off things and withdraw. They become
adept at being flexible and spontaneous and may lack a sense of
direction and responsibility. They may find mates who are in a constant
uproar, since this state of constant agitation perpetuates their
childhoods. A third common pattern of a child with a chaotic home
life is that of the placater, the family comforter. This child tries to
make others feel better as if he is responsible for the pain the family
is experiencing. In adult life, this person often tries to "take care"
of others, either personally or professionally. In many cases, the
adult child of an alcoholic exhibits more than one of these behavior
patterns.
Getting
Help
Self-help
groups exist that provide opportunities for adults to understand
alcoholism and how it has affected their lives, and to discover
that they are not alone. For additional information and referrals,
contact Adult Children of Alcoholics
(213) 534-1815
P.O. Box 3216
Torrance, CA 90505.
A Commentary by NIAAA Director Enoch Gordis, M.D. obtained from Alcohol
Alert
Both alcohol use and violence are common in our
society, and there are many associations between the two. Understanding the
nature of these associations, including the environmental and biological antecedents
of each and the ways in which they may be related, is essential to
developing effective strategies to prevent alcohol-related violence as
well as other social problems, such as domestic violence, sexual assault, and
childhood abuse and neglect. Because no area of science stands apart from another, understanding
more about alcohol-related violence also will shed light on violence in general and produce
information that may be useful to reducing it. Science has made
progress on elucidating the environmental and biological antecedents of
alcohol abuse
and alcoholism; less progress has been made toward understanding the
causes of violence. Understanding the biology of violence will help us to
clearly define the role of the environment in increasing the risk for
violence and increase our understanding of who is at risk for violent
behavior. This understanding also will help us to develop effective
interventions--both social and medical where intended--to help those
whose violence has caused trouble for themselves and others.
For more links on various health issues, including Alcoholism, I
encourage you to visit: Health
Link USA
On
a Personal Note
I am an adult
child of an alcoholic. I am now 35 years old but will
never forget the fears I grew up with and the anger I felt for many
years. It's been 2 years since my father passed away. Although he was showing his age and definitely not
in the best of health, it was a traumatic shock none the less. I came
to terms with my fathers alcoholism several years ago, but I'm far from
being over the pain of it all. I miss him more than I thought I
ever would and can only take comfort now knowing that after all the
years of suffering he went through, that he is resting peacefully now.
We all love and miss you dad!
Below is a
graphic I created for those of us who have had a loved one suffer from
alcoholism and who ourselves have had to overcome it's
consequences. If you are an adult child of an alcoholic ... or a
recovering alcoholic ... please feel free to use it on your site and
link back to mine if you wish.
If you'd like to link this graphic back
to my site, please use the address listed below:
