PLEASE NOTE:
I am not here to lecture anyone
on abortion. I am simply expressing my own opinion and facts
on the subject. Having received an abortion 15 years ago, I
thought that sharing (some) of my experience could possibly help
others. If you feel you will be offended in one way or
another, NOW is the time to leave.
~ Thank You ~
My Story
It was 15 years ago when I had
my one and only abortion. I thought I was in complete
control of my life at that time. I had a decent job, a son
that was already a little over a year old, and had met a man that I
would date off and on for the next 9 years. Then I found out I was
pregnant. I must admit ... I believe I was in shock for the
first few days. I had only been dating him for a few short months
at that time and felt our relationship was heading in the right
direction. I was also on birth control after being off of it for
a few years. Needless to say ... it wasn't the right strength.
It was during the time that I
told him that I felt my most fear. NOT when I heard the news, NOT
when I told my family, NOT when I sat down looking at the bills with my
1 year old son staring up at me ... it was when I told this man,
someone I cared about so much that I was pregnant. He let me know
from the start that he was not ready for children in his life. I
must also state that I was, and will always be, a "take care of
everything" person. I put NO blame on him for the guilt and pain
I felt for many years for this unborn daughter. I am fully
responsible and could never possibly look at it any other way.
But for those of you who think abortion is your only way out ...
please read what it did to me in the next paragraph.
The crying started when I got
home from the clinic and lasted for quite some time. I couldn't
believe how guilty I felt ... but trying to be logical about it all I
kept telling myself that it would eventually subside and just go away.
Isn't denial funny?? You think you're strong enough to
handle any crisis thrown your way but looking back I actually smile at
my ignorance. From time to time I suffer from nightmares,
and the
shame I felt on some mornings after waking up and not remembering the dream
but knowing it was about "her". I still have those dreams but
they don't come as often. I still talk to her in my prayers.
I still celebrate August 12th (my due date) each year in a
private way. I still want to look at my sons and tell them about
her, but unfortunately I don't think they'd understand. I think I'll have to
wait until they're a little older and can hopefully
understand.
I would not and could not EVER
recommend abortion to anyone as an alternative to an unwanted
pregnancy. If the mother's life is in danger or if the pregnancy
is from a sexual assault ... then yes, it is probably necessary.
I do believe that everyone has the right to choose, just know
what to expect afterwards (for some of us anyways). But please do
considerable research on it before jumping in head first. Don't
think the feelings of guilt and shame cannot happen to you, I made that
mistake and have lived with it for many, many years. I would have named my
daughter Angela, so that is where the angel on the top of this page
came from. I love her and although I've never met her except in
my dreams, I miss her.
If you've hit my page looking
for help or are doing research, there is a section below for links on
this subject. They are pro-life links, pages on pregnancy
crisis, and some of general interest. If you find a broken link, please
report it to me and I'll
remove it from my site.
A gracious thank you to the
above listed sites for their encouragement on creating this page and
for the pictures used to make my personal views more clear.
The graphics on this page were
created by me for this page alone ... please do NOT take
them. Thank you.
This page
dedicated to my angel, Angela.
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