Elbora, the Talking Baby

Her first words to her mother Endora were "Mommy! Get me some
clothes please! I'm very cold!" All the talking in the room suddenly
turned to silence.

After her father Boris cut her umbilical cord and gave her a warm bath, he
held her in his arms.

"Are you my real Daddy? I heard a rumour that there's a lot of adultery
here on Earth," were her first words to her father. He quietly nodded.

The news about Elbora quickly spread through the hospital, and within
minutes reporters were there to interview her and her parents.

'NEWBORN BABY SPEAKS!' was the headline in the local newspaper the
next day. Every copy was sold before nine a.m.

Three days later, she appeared on stage with the local mayor, at a concert
hall. Tens of thousands of people turned up to hear her speak.

"I don't want to be a public speaker when I grow up - I want to be one NOW!",
were her first words to the crowd. They all cheered. Many of them held
placards which read 'We love you Elbora!'

When she turned six months old, she and her parents were invited to go on a
first-class tour to meet the heads of state of twenty countries. When a bomb
was discovered at one such meeting, she explained to bodyguards how to quickly
defuse it, disassemble it, and rebuild it as an ice-cream machine.

But news of this incident reached the last fugitive criminal on this planet.
(She had previously figured out the hiding spots of all fugitives worldwide,
and gave the information to the FBI). His name was Roger. He disguised
himself as a woman in a plot to kidnap Elbora for one billion dollars.

Roger, disguised as a chambermaid, snook into Elbora's hotel room while she
was taking a nap. As Roger approached her, trying to tape her mouth shut,
she quickly woke and threw up milky vomit at him.

"Do you prefer plain sour milk, or flavoured sour milk?", said Elbora. She
then giggled.

In Roger's second attempt to tape her mouth shut, she kicked him as he leaned
over her little body.

In his third nearly-successful attempt to tape her mouth shut, she managed to
bite both of his thumbs, with her new teeth, and wouldn't let go.

Roger's screaming alerted security guards, who were out in the hallway. The
guards grabbed Roger, whose wig had fallen off in the struggle with Elbora,
making him easily recognisable to police. Or was it his beard and moustache
that gave him away?

The next day, the headlines read 'ELBORA A HERO!'