Tasteless

(1)The Cruise Ship (2) Love Is Over the First Time they Fart in Bed! (3)Little Red Riding Hood Goes Bad
(4)New Priest Gets Recruited (5)A Truce (6)Drinking After Work
(7)Deathbed

The Cruise Ship

A cruise ship sank. There was only one lifeboat, and it was very overcrowded and in danger of sinking. The occupants were a lawyer, a priest and a Boy Scout Leader with most of his troop of scouts. The adults discussed what to do; the scout leader said "These kids have all of their lives in front of them, while we have mostly lived out our lives. It would only be right that we go overboard and save the kids!! The lawyer replies "Ahh, fuck the kids..." to which the priest replies "Have we got time?....."
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Love Is Over the First Time they Fart in Bed!

There was this husband and wife, and every morning as they're about to get up the husband starts farting something evil, I mean, LOUD and SMELLY.
One morning, the wife has had it and says to her husband,'You know, one of these days, you're gonna fart so hard, your guts are gonna come out of your ass!', to which he replies,'Ahh, shuttup!' (BRAAAPP!)
One morning,she wakes up at the crack of dawn, and thinks to herself, 'Boy, I'm really gonna get him today!!'
She gets dressed, and runs to the butcher shop, and buys this big pile of PIG GUTS.
She gets back to her house, sneaks quietly into their bedroom, and lays the big pile of pig guts beside his side of the bed.
She tiptoes out of the bedroom, and goes to the kitchen to eat some breakfast.
About a half hour later, she hears him scream and run to the bathroom, locking the door behind him.
Snickering, she runs to the bathroom door, knocks, and asks,
'Honey, what's the matter, are you alright?', to which he answers (wimpering)
'Nothing, I'm alright, don't worry!',whereby she knocks again, insisting, 'But honey, are you sure, open the door!', to which he yells, 'Dammit, I told you I'm alright , go back to what you're doing,let me be!!!'
She goes back to the kitchen, laughing quietly to herself. About 45 minutes later, he comes out of the bathroom, and goes to the kitchen The man is all sweaty, and looks like hell, and he says to her, 'Dammit, woman, you were right, what you said was gonna happen, finally did...luckily, I WAS ABLE TO STICK THEM BACK IN.
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Little Red Riding Hood Goes Bad

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away!!!

Further down the road LRRH sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a tree stump. "My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf", says LRRH. Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.

About 2 miles down the track LRRH sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf", taunts LRRH. With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams..."Will you fuck off bitch!?! I'm trying to take a shit!!
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New priest gets recruited..

Father McGillvary is recruiting a new priest at his church and sets to the job of training him right away, starting with the confession booth.
He takes the "rookie" in the confessional with him to show him how to proceed.
So this lad comes in and says "forgive me father, for I have sinned. It has been two weeks since my last confession. I have taken the lord's name in vain three times this week."
Father McGillvary tells the lad to say 1 "Our Father" and 1 "Hail Mary" and that the Lord would forgive him.
Next, a lady comes in and says "forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been a month since my last confession. Yesterday I lied to my husband."
Father McGillvary tells the lady to recite 4 "Hail Mary's" and that the Lord would forgive her.
So he looks at the new priest and asks him if he can trust him to finish up while he runs some errands. Of course, eager to please the newcomer assures him that he can handle the confessions.
After father McGillvary leaves, a gentleman enters the confessional and says,"forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been a month since my last confession, father I am so ashamed, I have fallen to the temptation of Satan. Father, last night I met a woman and ....well...we had oral sex."
Well, the new priest is stumpted. He hesitates....then starts to panic, he doesn't know what sort of penance to give out for such an act. So he opens the curtain and sees an alter boy and says:
"What does father McGillvary usually give for oral sex"?
The alter boy says:
"Usually a bag of chips and a soda."
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A Truce

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe therein.
He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian ways.
One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin.
Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!One day the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary.
You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child.
You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village.
It doesn't take a genius to work out what has been going on!
The missionary replies:
No, no, my good man. You are mistaken.
What you have here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino.
Look to thy yonder field.
See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one.
Nature does this on occasion.' The chief pauses for a moment then says
"Tell you what, you don't say anything about the sheep, I won't say anything more about the child."
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Drinking After Work

A man was approached by coworker at lunch who invited him out for a few beers after work. The man said that his wife would never go for it, that she does not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work.
The coworker suggested a way to overcome that problem:
"When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull down your wife's panties, and give her oral sex.
Women love it, and believe me, she'll never mention that you were out late with the boys."

So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself. Late that night, he sneeked into the house, slid down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's panties, and gave her oral sex. She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he realized he had to take a leak, so he told her he'd be right back, got out of bed and walked down the hall to the bathroom. When he opened the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting on the john.
"How did you get in here?" he asked.
"Shhhhh!!!" she replied, "you'll wake-up my mother!"
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Deathbed


  
   A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping 
   wife and four children.  Three of the children are tall,
   good-looking and athletic; but the fourth and youngest is an ugly 
   runt.
  
   "Darling wife," the husband whispers, "assure me that the youngest 
   child really is mine.  I want to know the truth before I die, I
   will forgive you if--"
  
   The wife gently interrupts him.  "Yes, my dearest, absolutely, no 
   question, I swear on my mother's grave that you are his father." 
  
   The man then dies, happy.
  
   The wife mutters under her breath: "Thank God he didn't ask about 
   the other three."