Farmer Jokes

(1)Farmer's Dayvorcer (2)Airplane Rides! (3)Farmer and The Boy
(4)Farmers Daughter (5)The Mule


Farmer's Dayvorce

A Farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce.
The attorney asked, "May I
help you?" The Farmer said, "Yea, I want one those dayvorce's." The
Attorney said, "Well do you
have any grounds?" The Farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The
Attorney said, "No you
don't understand, do you have a case?" The Farmer said, "No I don't have a
Case, but I have A
John Deere." The Attorney said, No, you don't understand, I mean do you
have a grudge." The
Farmer said, "Yea, I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The
Attorney said, "No do
you have a suit?" The Farmer said "Yes Sir, I got a suit, I wear it to
Church on Sundays." The
Attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" The
Farmer said, "No sire, we
both get up about 4:30." The Attorney then said, "Well is she a nagger or
anything?" The Farmer
said, "No she's a little white gal, but out last child was a nagger and
that's why I want this
Dayvorce!"
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Airplane Rides!

A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.
"$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot.
"That's too much," said the farmer.
The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10."
The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride.
After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."
"Maybe so," said the farmer, "But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."
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Farmer and The Boy

There was this farmer sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying this big bundle of wire.

'Hey kid!' the farmer says. 'Where ya goin' with that wire?'

'Well,' the kid drawls, 'this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here's chicken wire -- I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!'

'You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!

'Sure I can!' he yells and takes off down the road. He comes back by at the end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire. Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape.

Hey kid!' the farmer yells. 'Where ya goin' with that tape?

'Well, this here ain't just any ol' tape, this here's duck tape -- I'm fixin' to catch me some ducks!

'You can't catch ducks with duct tape!

'Sure I can!' the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back by at the end of the day and again, the farmer can't believe his eyes. The kid had a whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up tightly in his tape.

The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes walking down the road carrying some flowers. 'Hey kid!' the farmer says.

Where ya goin' with them flowers?

Well, this here ain't just any old flowers, this here's pussy willow.

Hang on,' the farmer says, 'I'll get my hat.
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THE FARMER'S DAUGHTERS

 

  There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was
  very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out
  for them. As they entered the late teens the girls dated and on this
  particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was
  the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the
  young suitor at the door hold ing his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but
  merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.

  The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the
  door and the lad said " Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to
  the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids
  on their way.

  The next lad arrived and said " My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're
  gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was ok too, so
  off the two kids went.

  The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy
  started off

  "Hi, my name's Chuck ..... and the farmer shot him.
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The Mule

A dim-witted farmer has a farm in the hills of Kentucky. Unfortunately, there are no women around. He gets rather desperate, and decides to try out an old mule. He puts a stepladder behind the mule, lowers his pants, but then the mule walks forward. The farmer gets down off the ladder, moves it forward, and tries again, with the same outcome. This process goes on for about 5 more iterations, until he finally gets the idea to lead the mule up to the shore of a lake, so the mule can't walk away. When he gets on the ladder again, he hears a cry for help out in the lake, and sees a drowning woman flailing her arms. He jumps off the ladder, swims out to rescue her, and drags her back in. The woman is totally nude, beautiful, and stacked as well. After he revives her and nurses her back to health, she gazes into his eyes with her limpid blue eyes, and says "Oh sir! I'm so thankful to you for saving my life! I'll do anything to repay you! Anything!!" So he says to her: "Could you hold that mule for me?"
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