Ethnic Jokes

(1)The New Yorker (2)Scottish Old Timer (3)Scotsman
(4)Hot Dogs

The New Yorker

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker get captured by
cannibals. The Chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is
that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you. We
will put you in a pot and cook you, then we'll eat you, and
then we'll use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that
you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a
sword, the Frenchman cries "Vive la France!" and runs himself
through.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief hands
him a gun, the Englishman points it at his head saying "God save
the Queen!", and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but
shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and
starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, sides, chest,
everywhere. There's blood gushing all over the place, it's horrible.
The chief is appalled and asks, "God almighty, what are you
doing?"
The New Yorker smiles and says, "GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR CANOE!!"
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Scottish Old Timer

A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young
man.
Old Man:
"Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence?
Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with
me own two hands, piled it for months. But do they call me
McGregor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo.."
Then the old man gestured at the bar.
"Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I
planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood
with me own hard labor, for eight days. But do they call me
McGregor-the-Bar-builder?
Nooo..."
Then the old man points out the window.
"Eh, Laddy, look out to sea. Do ya see that pier that stretches
out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat
off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me
McGregor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo... "
Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one
is paying attention.
"But ya fuck one sheep . . . "
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Scotsman

An Scotsman walks out of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you lad?" "Yesss, sssshombody stole me car!" the Scotsman replies. The cop asks, "Well now, where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It was at the end of this key." About this time the cop looks down to see that the Scotsman's member is being exhibited for all to see.
He then asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" The Scotsman looks down woefully and moans
"OOOH GOD... they got me girlfriend too!!"
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Hot Dogs

Two guys immigrate to America.
On their first day off the boat they are wandering around New York City seeing the sights.
As lunch time approaches they decide they are hungry.
They then come up to a street vendor selling hot dogs.
One says to the other in a shocked tone, "My God. Do they eat dogs in America?"
"I don't know!" says the other, equally appalled.
"Well," says the first, "we're going to be Americans, so we must do as they do."
They approach the vendor bravely. "Two hot dogs, please."
The vendor hands them their food in a pair of paper sacks. The two immigrants sit on a park bench to eat their lunch. One looks inside his sack, hesitates and turns to his partner and says, "Uh, which part of the dog did you get?"
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