Chapter 1 As they crested the hill, Lance breathed a sigh of relief. The garish neon sign gradually came into view –Happy Home Motel. Lance wasn't even sure where they were anymore. He and Justin had decided to take a driving trip two weeks ago and had chosen the back roads of Mississippi and Tennessee, where they had grown up. Despite their fame, few people had recognized them. At first they were disoriented, not having to sprint away from out of control teen girls, but then as they tuned in one country station after another, they realized that this was a totally different world than the one they lived in now. So they had relaxed and taken turns introducing one another to favorite places, cementing the relationship that had turned into love a little over a year ago. Lance glanced over at Justin who was sleeping, his head resting on the window. His face was pale, his eyes closed, revealing nothing of the intense blue just underneath. Lance sucked in his breath, aroused at just the thought of losing himself in those bottomless pools. Justin always reminded him of an angel when he slept, so sweet, so delicate, so feminine. Lance loved Justin more than he could have imagined was possible. Right now he wanted to just get into that motel room, shower, and fall asleep with his boy. As he pulled into the parking lot, his brows knitted into a frown. This place was a dump. Grass sprouted in the cracks of the pavement and paint was peeling, hanging off in strips everywhere. Some of the letters on the sign had gone out so he wasn't sure whether there was a vacancy or not. He chewed his lip pondering his next move.  Holiday Inn it ain't, he thought. Its sole claim to fame was that they were here and Lance was exhausted and couldn't drive much further. Justin hadn't felt well this morning. His stomach, reacting to some greasy spoon in last night's town, had kept him up until almost dawn. He had sent Lance to sleep, saying that if they didn't want to spend another day there Lance would need some rest so that he could drive. Lance, his kind heart warring with his brain, had  finally agreed at 3AM to get at least a few hours sleep. Lance heard the shower running and then felt Justin crawl into bed as the sun was coming up. He rolled over to draw Justin into the curve of his body, his nose buried in the damp curls that smelled of apple shampoo. Justin pulled Lance's arms around him and fell into an exhausted sleep. At 8AM,  Lance slipped out of the bed and tiptoed to the shower. When he emerged, he saw that Justin hadn't moved. He debated waking him and then decided to go and get some coffee before rousing his lover for the trip ahead. Letting himself out quietly, he spied a diner across the street and headed for it. The day was bright, March sunshine this far south warm and promising. As he sat sipping his coffee, his mind wandered back over the past two weeks. They had zigzagged across the states, using a map only when desperate. They had put over 1500 miles on Lance's Forerunner and still had a few days left. Happy memories of childhood places had entertained them during the day and at night they had made love, sometimes sweet, sometimes wild, sometimes a glorious mixture of both. Through the whole trip ran the thread of their love for one another and where they would take it to next. On and off over the past year, they had talked about making their relationship official— some type of commitment ceremony.  But Lance was nervous, afraid of the fallout from their fans and the world in general if word spread beyond their own circle.  On the tour it was simple.  The other members of the band knew and seemed fine with it, smiling at the lambs in love, who snuggled and touched at every opportunity.  Lance worried, though, that the outside might not be ready for Lance and Justin as a couple. This trip had been a real milestone for them. They didn't advertise but they weren't hiding either, at least not too much. The time together had made their love even stronger. Lance smiled in wonder. He hadn't thought that was possible. His smile widened into a grin as he remembered two nights ago as Justin lay on his chest. Suddenly, Justin lifted his head, dug his chin into Lance and stared into Lance's eyes. "Let's do it," he whispered. Lance gave him a quizzical look. They were both still sweaty from the lovemaking that had just ended five minutes ago. "Do it?" "You know. Get married. I love you so much and if people can't understand, well, to hell with them!  Please, Lance?" Justin said in his most boyishly enthusiastic voice. Lance stroked the tousled curls, "You sure, baby?  It will change everything." He put aside his fears as he looked at the earnest face of his lover, the person he couldn't ever seem to tell no. "I'm sure, Lance," he said quietly, "I need you all the time, not just when it's safe. I want to go to sleep with you and wake up with you and share our lives." Tears shimmered in his deep blue eyes. Lance felt his own tears start and then they were hugging and kissing and making plans for their life together. He was brought back to the present abruptly by the waitress's scratchy voice, "Anything else, sir?" "Oh no, thank you, ma'am," he said with southern courtesy. As she made out the check, she smiled, "You seemed a long way off. Thinking about your girlfriend?" "No, my boyfriend actually," he said softly, the words out of his mouth before he could stop them. Then he saw it. Her body stiffened and her lips pressed together into a narrow slash. She slapped the check on the table and turned on her heel, all the former friendliness gone. Lance bit his lip. If she only knew Justin, she would understand. How could anyone not love him?  He sighed, picked up the check and headed for the door. As he stood at the register waiting for his change, he heard the snickers, and the words faggot and  damnation used together. He chided himself on his carelessness. The fans were one thing but this was the Deep South, Christian Coalition country. He shrugged, not wanting to think about that now. He just wanted to leave. That was twelve hours ago. This was not ideal by any stretch of the imagination, but he was exhausted and the dark circles under Justin's eyes scared him. After all, out here in God's country, motels were not too plentiful. He pulled the bright red SUV into the parking lot, the decision made. As he cut the engine, Justin's eyelids fluttered. "Hey, baby. You OK?" Lance said softly. Justin pushed himself up in the seat, rubbing the sleep away, "Not great but better. Thanks for doing all the driving. I promise I'll give you a break tomorrow." "Just feel OK. Listen, I'm going in and register. Stay here." "You don't want me to come?" Justin asked. "No, don't bother," he said, "I'll be back in a minute." It wasn't so much that he was worried about Justin's health but after this morning he was nervous and wasn't willing to expose their relationship to bigots. Justin didn't question it any more and leaned his head back, closing his eyes once again. Lance looked around briefly and dropped a quick kiss on Justin's lips. The younger boy smiled in return without ever opening his eyes. In the office, an older man was behind the counter, sitting with his feet up on the desk. A small black and white tv was on, tuned to reruns of HeeHaw. Lance shook his head wondering if they had stepped into the Twilight Zone. The clerk's stomach got in his way as he tried to disentangle himself and stand up. Lance waited patiently studying the man's clothing--the dirty wifebeater and the pants cinched below his paunch. When the man  met Lance's gaze, it was with a frown. He sensed the younger man's disdain although Lance tried to hide it. Big city jerk, Joe thought, returning Lance's look. He took in the designer jeans and the fancy maker shirt and the expensive cowboy boots and felt anger rising in him. How the hell was this young punk able to afford all this and here he was out in the middle of nowhere barely able to keep the bill collectors from the door. He probably had some gorgeous girl out in the car, too. Damn! Well, money was money and there were no other rooms rented so he forced an ingratiating smile onto his face and pushed a card across the desk. "Fill this out." When Lance came to the number of guests, he hesitated. He felt a twinge of fear and then pushed it away. They had a right to rent a room, he thought, as he put a  two in the space. Joe looked at the card and questioned, "Double bed or two singles?" Lance hesitated again, "Two singles." No sense in asking for trouble and they'd squeezed into narrower spaces anyhow. He decided to pay cash for some reason that he couldn't quite figure out and peeled off two twenties. Joe grunted as he eyed Lance's wallet. Little shit. Joe pushed the key across the desk, "Room 3. Checkout time is 11 AM." "Fine," Lance responded thinking that if he had anything to say about it, they would be on the road by dawn. "Thank you," he said as he grabbed the key and hurried out the door. The car was already in front of number three so he just knocked on the window to rouse Justin before going to the back for their overnight bags. He sure as hell wasn't settling in here. Justin got out and stood, stretching his long muscular body. Lance was nervous and snapped, "C'mon, let's go." Justin looked surprised and hurt at Lance's tone, "What's up?" "Nothing. Sorry, baby," he said realizing that he was taking out his crap on Justin who didn't deserve it and sure as hell wasn't responsible for it. "Let's just get inside. Neither of them saw the man who watched them between the slats of the blinds, a hateful expression on his face.    The inside of the room was as depressing as Lance had expected. Drab walls that hadn't seen a coat of paint in years, carpeting with numerous holes and stains, faded to a non- color. Justin threw himself on one of the twin beds and giggled as only Justin could, "Wait till you feel this mattress. Its lumps have lumps. Guess I'll have to use you for a mattress, Scoop" Lance started to laugh. Justin could always do that. Whenever, Lance got caught up in his serious shit, Justin could create an absurd picture and Lance would break up. It was one of Justin's many gifts, part of what made him so lovable. Lance threw himself on Justin, being careful not to land too forcefully, "Not if I get you on the bottom first." Justin groaned then and Lance rolled off quickly, "Oh, Jus, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" Justin leaped up and before Lance could react, he had pushed the blonde onto his back and was straddling him, "Nah. Got you, didn't I?" he asked, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. Lance tried to smile but couldn't. His heart was in his throat. If Justin got hurt, he wouldn't be able to handle it. He reached up and pulled Justin's face to his own. They kissed gently and Justin murmured in Lance's ear, "Sorry, Lance. I was just teasing. I'm really sorry." He pulled back and stared into Lance's eyes, the love there a tiny reflection of what he felt for Lance. The blond hugged him, a fierce embrace, wanting to protect them both from any danger. Justin rolled off and leaned up on his elbow, "What's wrong?" Lance couldn't bring himself to tell him about the incident in the diner. He knew that Justin had no idea yet how truly hateful people could be when it came to being gay. Lance wanted to shield him as long as possible and as long as it was just the five of them who knew their secret, he could. "Nothing, baby. I'm just tired. And this place is truly a depressing dump. I don't even know where we are exactly. I don't care either just as long as we leave tomorrow morning bright and early. Deal?" Justin was unconvinced with Lance's answer but shrugged, "Sure, whatever.  How tired are you?" The last was said with a sexy smile, guaranteed to get Justin the result he desired. "Hmmm.  Not that tired." Lance laughed. They both showered, giggling at the thin, postage stamp size towels. Still damp, they snuggled under the sheets which were at least clean if not soft. Justin turned on his side to rest his hand on Lance's hip, tracing the soft skin, gazing across into eyes that held his truths. Lance felt his heart stop as he let Justin touch him, letting all his fears and qualms quiet for one moment in time.  "Justin." Lance whimpered the name that sat on his tongue, eager to be closer ... desiring the intimacy that he could only share with Justin. Justin trailed his finger up Lance's side, tickling his flesh, dipping over his waist toward his belly. Justin replied by capturing Lance's mouth in a kiss, using his tongue to sweep across the roof of his mouth, dragging Lance closer with his arms. They lay side by side with hands that explored, and when Lance reached down to touch Justin's erection, he was rewarded with a low groan.  "I love you," Lance whispered as he stroked Justin gently, nuzzling into him. "So much." Justin smiled in the dimness of the room, thrusting into Lance's hand, trying to take it slow, to enjoy the feeling -- the warm curl in his stomach that only Lance could bring him -- the patter of his heart racing in time with his pulse -- the way Lance felt wrapped around him. Lance sighed and rolled to his back, letting Justin hover over him. Allowing his body to be taken by familiar touches and kisses -- by the erotic way Justin lapped over his nipples and the way his curls tickled his nose. Lance reached for them, tugging his fingers through the soft strands, enjoying the delicious feelings only Justin could draw out of him. It was sensual, Justin thought, to crawl down Lance's body leisurely, to savor each piece of him individually. He loved the way Lance let out tiny gasps when his erection was touched. He adored gazing up at Lance from the spot just under his belly button, to see his eyes flutter shut in  anticipation. So when Justin moved as low as he could, and took the tip of Lance in his mouth, it was the most natural thing in the world. To fulfill. To satisfy. Lance wanted to sob Justin's name. His hands fisted in the cotton sheets and he twisted his head into the pillow, remembering to keep his hips steady, to be considerate even though his body was shaking and his mind was a mess of colors swarming around. The sounds of ragged breath filled Justin's ears, and he rubbed himself against the sheets, begging for release but wanting to please Lance. "Justin, God!" Lance clutched at Justin, unable to control himself. "I. Need. You." He choked on his words, overcome with desire and the need to stay close. To hold onto that closeness. It was a connection not to be denied, and Justin smiled into the night. He felt Lance's hands yank at him, pull him up in a plea. Lance felt flushed as he rolled Justin over easily. Propped up on his elbows, he pushed Justin's curls back and kissed his temples, first one, then the other. His tongue dragged along the well-defined jawline and down Justin's neck. And it was Justin's turn to become lost in the dance. "Make love to me, please," he whispered, wrapping his arms around Lance to caress his back, to let the velvety skin sail along his fingertips -- to cherish the moment. So Lance nodded, and leaned down to kiss Justin's nose before letting his hand drift down -- over the abs he loved so much, skimming over the rough hair that encircled his penis -- wanting to hurry. Aching to be inside. Justin wiggled under Lance's gentle touch, anticipation coating his body. He clutched Lance's wrist and helped him, gasping as he was preparing. Surrendering to the delight that would be Lance. Time ticked slowly, letting the lovers delight in one another, slowing just enough to relish their movements. When Lance drifted above Justin, and nodded, two hearts combined in one beat. And Lance was careful, easing into Justin with expertise, hooking Justin's ankles over his shoulders, eager to gaze deep into his eyes. Two bodies moved as one, with beads of sweat that slicked across brows, and tiny grunts that meant more than pleasure. Lance pushed up on his knees so he could watch Justin's face contort in pleasure, so he could bear witness to the angelic face that glowed in the shadows. It was too much for Justin to take -- so much emotion and love surging past him in a rush to escape -- to express in some way. He reached down and grabbed his cock, arching his back into Lance, stroking himself and letting his body ride. Lance watched as he moved, aching to kiss Justin, to devour his mouth and being. So when Justin's eyes flew open, and his mouth parted in pre-orgasmic delight, Lance moved his hips quicker to keep up. And when Justin's fist pumped harder, Lance moaned, blinking the salty perspiration from his eyes. Justin stopped and pulled Lance down to him, curving up, letting Lance's stomach provide the friction he needed for release. His eyes rolled back as he came, shuddering in a heap of tangled emotions. Lance felt the raw desire coil inside of him as he watched Justin -- and demanded to share in the joy. His body seemed to float -- to move of it's own accord. And when Justin reached up to touch his chest, to use feathery caresses over his nipples and jaw, he flooded , letting himself go with a fluster of pants. Lance withdrew and lay on his side, facing the person he loved most in the world, his breath still ragged.  "I love you," seemed so small, so unable to express what he was feeling.  And looking into Justin's eyes, he knew it was the same.  They lay there silent, the love that they had for one another flowing like a river between them and in those moments they were entirely content. Much later, still entwined, their talk turned to the future.  Reality forced its way in, making them realize that as much as they might want to, the two couldn't exist in an isolated cocoon. "I'm a little scared to tell my Mom about our decision, Lance," Justin said, the young boy inside him readily apparent.  "She still thinks we're a passing fad and that I'll come to my senses and realize that I love Britney." "She loves you, Jus. Just like my Mom loves me. She knows how we feel about each other, what we mean to each other. I know she keeps telling you that this is a phase but she'll understand that we want the commitment of marriage. Your Mom will see that, baby, just like my Mom and Dad will. Love is like that. It sees beyond black and white." Lance hugged Justin to him, hoping that he was right, that Mrs. Harless would be OK with her golden child being gay and committing his life to another man . It would kill Justin to lose her love. His eyes shining with devotion, Justin kissed Lance, whispering, "You always know what to say to make me feel better.  God, I love you." He put his curly head on Lance's chest, hearing the strong, steady beat that always made him feel safe. His eyes drooped and he murmured sleepily, "Good night, Lance." Lance kissed the golden curls and whispered, "Good night. I love you, Justin." continue menu