~Epilogue~ Bright balloons and colorful decorations filled the room. Groups of guests greeted one another recalling past moments, laughing and crying. Joan stood off to the side, alone for the moment, her vision blurry with tears. She focused on the banner on the wall— "Good Luck, Joan. We'll Miss You. Thanks for 20 Great Years!" It was hard to believe that she was leaving after all this time. Her heart broke leaving her new little "heartstringers" behind but she wanted to spend some time with her children and their growing families. Ellen had two cuties of her own and Mike was expecting his first. It was too hard to just visit them on weekends and holidays. And then there were Lance and Justin and Nick and Howie. They were hers also.  She watched Nick and Howie laughing with Ellen and Tom while their kids ran madly around the room.  She scanned for Mike who was hiding out at the bar, trying to catch ESPN before Tracy came and dragged him back to the party. She thought back to the day Justin and Lance left for good.  They had cut the record with the other boys the year before and it caught on. Maybe it was their faces, maybe it was the pop beat, maybe it was the harmony that the five achieved, maybe it was the fact that they worked hard, playing small venues to get known.  Whatever it was, it happened for them.  They had called her excited one night that they were going to be on MTV.  She could barely see them on the tv through the tears. Lance had laughed and answered questions and seemed to enjoy the spotlight while Justin was content to sit close to Lance, touching him for support, speaking softly only when it was necessary. And in between, they returned to St.  Catherine's.  Rather Justin returned there.  Lance had been discharged in May and Joan had finally been able to take him home.  Justin's parents never relented.  They insisted he remain at the home until he was eighteen, a year and a half without Lance.  He was so grateful when they went on trips and he could cuddle next to Lance and save up the memories for the long nights without him.  There were fewer and fewer nights as their popularity grew. With six months to go to his eighteenth birthday, Justin left forever.  They were touring and they were basically living on busses and in hotels.  They called every night for awhile, missing Nick and Howie and her, missing home.  Then the calls dwindled until they were calling once a week, a practice they were still faithful about. Nick and Howie were devastated at first.  But they had each other and they lived vicariously through their friends, going to concerts when they could, hanging with Justin when he was there. When they left, it was to pursue their loves.  Nick went to art school in the city and Howie received a scholarship to study architecture at NYU.  They lived with Joan and commuted to school. She loved watching them, sitting curled up together, so in love still. When they moved out to their own apartment, she beamed with pride but missed their company. Despite the hefty cut that their parents took, the boys made a fortune and Howie's first project was to design a beach house for Lance and Justin.  It overlooked the ocean and was bright and airy, clean and beautiful.  It reflected the boys themselves.  And inside were as many of Nick's works as they could fit on the walls.  Nick had asked them if they really liked his work or if they were just trying to support starving artists. Mike had stayed close to the boys ever since the day he had rescued Justin.  They called him for advice, for sports talk, for the connection to family.  When Mike's fiancee had found out who his "brothers" were, she smacked him and asked why he hadn't mentioned the fact before this.  He laughed— they were just Justin and Lance to him, not famous pop stars that couldn't go anywhere alone. Ellen and Tom invited the four to everything.  Howie and Nick were always there and if possible, Justin and Lance as well.  Family was not family without the four of them.  Their own kids weren't old enough to know who their famous "uncles" were, but the Dannios never had a problem finding babysitters, who would beg for pictures and tickets and autographs until Ellen kidded that it would be less work to stay home. She was brought out of her reverie as she saw Justin and Lance enter the room. They had said they wouldn't be able to make it as they were touring and just couldn't get away. She remained hidden watching with pride. Ellen saw them and went over first, greeting them with warm hugs and kisses. Everyone else soon noticed and they were swamped with family, their faces glowing. Joan knew how much it meant for them to be a part of this loving group. Eventually, six young faces began to scan the room anxiously, wondering where she was. Emerging from her hidden spot, Joan went over to them all, eyes wet with tears. "You brats," she teased, "you said you were too busy." Lance got to her first and hugged her fiercely, "And you believed us?" Justin followed, a look of pure love on his angelic face, "After all you have done for us and mean to us, how could we not be here?" Justin and Lance stood talking to her, their arms around one another, the shame gone for today. When they had come out, there had been the predictable backlash, but the fans who believed in love and not in hate, rallied behind them and now, nearly ten years later, they were still popular, idolized by millions. "Joan, this might not be the best time for this, but we want you to know first." They looked at one another, that same look that had been there almost from the beginning.  "We're going to do the commitment thing— after this tour.  As mother of the brides or grooms or whatever, will you help us plan it?  You and Ellen?" "Do you have to ask?  Oh God, I am so proud of you. Congratulations!  I am so happy for you. God, I'm starting to babble." Joan was crying hard now, so grateful for what she had. Of course, that was when James, her friend and boss for all these years, chose to make his speech. As he dragged her onto the stage, he said to everyone, "I can't understand this. She never cries." Loud laughter greeted the statement and then he began, "Twenty years ago, a widow came looking for a job with `flexible' hours. What she got was twenty four hours a day of providing love and caring to boys who had no one else. She's had to get attached and then separate from so many over the years and has always managed to keep her heart open for just one more. We're going to miss you, Joan, more than you can imagine but I know your family will be thrilled to have you to themselves. Thank you for everything." He stopped as his own voice got husky with emotion. He gestured to her family to come up. Ellen and Tom and their two children were followed by Mike and Tracy. When they were all up there, Joan looked for "her boys". They were standing in pairs, to the side.  Ellen got to the microphone first, "You guys get up here with us. You're our brothers." Joan shook her head as she saw their surprise. After all this time, they still thought the rug was going to be pulled out. They made their way to the stage and joined their "family". Justin whispered something to James and when he nodded, went to the microphone. In a wavering voice, he said, "Thank you, Joan, for everything. You took us into your heart and your life when our families didn't want us. You told us we were good when we believed we were bad. You made us believe in ourselves when no one else did. We are so grateful to you." He stopped as he choked up. Lance continued, "If it weren't for your love and support, we wouldn't be together, able to love as you showed us. We want to sing part of a song for you that expresses how we feel. Apologies to the Backstreet Boys." They began to sing, their voices perfect in the harmony that they naturally fell into It takes a lot to know what is love It's not the big things, but the little things That can mean enough A lot of prayers to get us through And there is never a day that passes by We don't think of you You were always there for us Pushing us and guiding us Always to succeed You showed us When we were young just how to grow You showed us Everything that we should know You showed us Just how to walk without your hands Cuz mom you always were The perfect fan. When they stopped, there was silence in the room. Then the sound of sniffling started, followed by enthusiastic applause. Joan could hardly breathe. She looked at them, four young men, often still fighting to defeat the messages received so long ago, but so strong, so loving, so good. She remembered the day each of them had come and the rejection each had faced. It seemed so far away. So much had happened. So much to overcome and they had. They were still her little boys.  She would always be there for them. She thought then of all of the other little boys who had come and gone and those she had to leave behind. But that was what life was all about— change, new beginnings and the love that made it all worthwhile.    The End MENU