STC 17 Once the decision had been made for right now, the two boys slipped back into their old habits, sleeping together but nothing else. Lance did continue to relieve himself in the dark when Justin was asleep but since he was doing it all for Justin, it didn't seem so terrible.  Life settled into a familiar pleasant routine. It almost seemed normal.  School, sports, practicing for the talent show.  They weren't even getting punished that much.  They were the kind of boys that grew on the monitors, so that when they found them where they weren't supposed to be, they simply ignored it.  Except for Brian, of course, who snuck around, waiting for the mistake so he could punish them.  Whether it was God or good fortune, he wasn't around most of the time when they broke the rules. Tomorrow was January 31, the talent show.  Lance couldn't contain his excitement.  They had been practicing so much that Justin hummed Unchained Melody in his sleep.  They knew they sounded great together and Mr.  McLean had gone so far as to tell them he thought they might have a chance at a prize.  Justin smiled happily knowing that he could do this for Lance.  Lance said he would sing this song for Justin especially because it was birthday.  Justin blushed and Nick snorted but Howie had this dreamy expression on his face that said he thought it was the most romantic thing he had ever heard. "What would you like for your birthday, J?" Nick asked.  None of them had any money but they asked it of each other whenever a birthday rolled around. "I'd like to have Joan adopt us," he answered unselfishly, "then we could be a real family." It was clear that he had been thinking of this since the words tripped off his tongue without a second thought.  They all looked at him and considered the idea.  They nodded as one. "Then we could have a big brother with lots of video games and if he goes away to college, we could play them all the time, " Nick said. "Maybe he would take them with him," Howie offered and Nick's face dropped. Lance laughed.  "Hello-o-o.  It's just a wish.  Remember?" He stopped laughing when he saw Justin's face, a face that clearly and painfully wanted the wish to be reality.  He got up and went over to Justin and threw his arm over the boy's shoulder.  "It's ok.  Someday we'll have a family." Justin nodded. Howie tactfully changed the subject, "What time is the show and when do we have to leave?" Lance answered, relieved to move to a lighter subject, "We have to leave at nine.  It starts at ten. Joan and Mike said they'd pick us up." The rest of the conversation wandered over a variety of safe topics until it was time for them to go to bed. Lance and Justin held one another, the excitement keeping them awake late into the night.  Lance still got aroused by Justin but he remembered promising that he would give Justin time to grow up, so he recited the multiplication tables and the rosary until his erection subsided or until he could do something about it. Justin was up ,showered, and dressed before Lance.  He was on his way to make sure the other two were up.  How Justin got the job of human alarm clock was still a mystery to him but he was up anyway so he didn't mind.  The lack of sleep made Justin careless and he didn't look before he turned the corner and there they were— Joey and Kevin.  He froze in fear. "Hi, Justin, we came looking for you.  It's your birthday, right?" Justin nodded, certain that was not why they were there.  He took a chance that their intentions were innocent, "I have to go now." "I think not.  We have other plans for you," Kevin said, his voice low and dangerous. "I have to ..." Justin trailed off, knowing that there was no point in protesting.  Maybe they would make whatever they were going to do quick. "Let's go.  There's a party downstairs for you." Justin bit back the urge to cry, knowing that was just what they wanted.  Joey grabbed his arm and started to pull him down the hall.  Justin pulled back, surprising the older boy.  "Stop, Justin, or I'll smack the living shit out of you." Justin followed then, downstairs to a small room that was used infrequently for guests.  He backed away in fright as he saw Chris straddling a chair, laughing with some of the other boys. Chris looked his way and drank in the terror he could see on Justin's face.  "I missed you, Justin." Justin stood speechless and so paralyzed with fear that he didn't even resist when Joey tied his hands behind his back.  "Oh shit," he heard, "he's crying already.  That won't do." Crying?  Oh yes, there they were— the inevitable tears.  He felt apart from his body, like it was some other little boy that they were going to torture.  He watched as Chris got up and came over, stroking the silky curls and running a light fingertip down his cheek.  Justin tried not to flinch as he came back, the full impact of where he was and what was going to happen, crashing in on him.  "Don't cry.  We need you to not cry." Why not?  He didn't know but he hoped that if he obeyed them, they would tire of the game soon.  He held back more tears.  Chris delicately dabbed at the wetness on Justin's cheeks and the gentle gesture only heightened Justin's anxiety. "We think you are very pretty.  Do you think so?" Justin shook his head.  "Lance thinks you're pretty, I'm sure.  Our friend Brian tells us you two sleep together almost every night.  He must think you are very pretty." "Please, Chris...." Justin began. "Shut up, Justin," Chris snapped.  He went over to the desk in the corner and retrieved a bag.  He dumped the contents on the table and all of the older boys howled with laughter as they recognized what it was.  Justin strained to see but Joey kept him from craning far enough to get a good look.  "Come over here," Chris ordered and because his options were limited, Justin did, standing close to the older boy and waiting for whatever horror they had planned.  He glanced at the table and frowned.  It was make-up, women's make-up. Chris saw him looking and laughed, an evil sound that made everything worse.  "Even pretty girls wear make-up, sweetie." He put his hand on Justin's chest and pushed, backing him up until he was sitting on the edge of the table.  Then he tilted Justin's head back, eying him from various angles as an artist would.  Justin's stomach was clenching and threatening to empty and Justin tried to breathe, to calm it down, knowing that throwing up on Chris would be a very bad thing indeed. And then Chris started slowly and carefully and applied the make-up. Justin idly wondered where he had learned that skill but then his mind skipped back to the humiliation of what he was going to look like and more frightening still, why?  Chris put on the make-up, first foundation and then powder and blush.  When he was finished with that, he stepped back, admiring his creation so far and Justin couldn't keep a few errant tears in check. "Stop crying, you little creep.  You'll spoil everything!" Chris shouted at him and then wiped the tears away, patting gently with cotton balls.  "Close your eyes and keep them closed.  Understand?" Justin nodded and Chris grabbed his chin and held him still.  Justin wasn't sure exactly what Chris was doing at this point but he felt sharp points drawing on his eyelids and then a soft brush. Finally, something moved against his eyelashes.  "Blink," Chris directed.  Justin did, seeing the black wand coming at him.  Chris was so close, Justin could feel his breath, short little gasps as he concentrated.  It seemed like forever before Chris stepped back and smiled proudly.  "Just a few more steps and our lovely girl here will be ready." Ready for what?  Justin couldn't imagine, just as he could never have imagined the other cruel things Chris had done to him.  He wished Chris had never seen him.  That's helpful, Justin.  Start praying instead of wishing.  Then he had a horrible thought.  Maybe this was God's angel, in person, here to punish him for kissing Lance.  He studied Chris then, looking for signs. No, Justin, that's silly, but somehow he couldn't erase the thought that this was a punishment. "Close your mouth, stupid," he heard as if from a distance.  He shook himself.  His lips were trembling as he closed them and he saw the enjoyment of that in Chris's eyes.  Chris concentrated again as he applied the lipstick. The hair was the last and Chris inserted shiny clips into Justin's curls.  He stepped back once again. "Perfect. You look just like the little girl fag that you are. Want to see?" Justin shook his head violently but since it had been merely a rhetorical question, Chris dragged him in front of the mirror anyway. Justin tried not to look, afraid of what he would see. "Look, Justin, or else," Chris said and the "or else" scared Justin into reacting. He looked into the mirror and saw what? It was a girl, so pretty, the make-up perfect. The only thing that let him know it was him was the horrified look in the reflection's eyes. He knew that was the look he had in his own eyes. He watched the perfect red lips tremble. "Do NOT cry and ruin the make-up," a voice hissed in his ear. He was trying, struggling not to let them have that kind of power over him but when he glanced at "her", he couldn't help it. The tears started their way down his cheeks, dragging mascara with them. The black marks and the tears combined to mar the flawless finish and Chris was enraged. "Well, shit, as long as you're crying..." he said and finished the thought by slapping Justin hard. He started to go after the younger child in earnest, Justin cowering, unable to protect himself. Joey stepped in then, "Chris." His quiet voice stopped the older boy and Chris was heaving with emotion as Joey pulled him away, "Remember the plan." Chris took several more deep breaths and turned back to Justin, calm now, the anger back in its cage.  He spoke with no emotion, "Oh yes, forgot this." He held up a cardboard sign with string on it, the kind that the boys were occasionally forced to wear as penance for some misdeed. Justin's eyes widened when he read it, "I am Lance's bitch. So pretty.  Kiss me." He struggled without success as Chris placed it on his chest. He could guess what was going to happen next. He knew they couldn't have gone to all this trouble just so the five of them could laugh at him. Kevin looked at his watch. "Ok, it's 8:00 now. They're scheduled for around 8:30 so we just have to keep our little girlfriend company for a while." He advanced on Justin who kept backing up until he hit the wall and there was nowhere else to go. Justin looked up into Kevin's eyes and saw the determination to ... do what? Kevin grabbed his chin and held him still, leaning over the younger boy and kissing him, not Lance's  gentle touch, but a mashing of lips against his until he thought they would split against his teeth. He tried to move his head to the side, away from the assault, but Kevin's strong grip held him. Kevin stepped back but before Justin could feel relief, Joey took his place and then one after the other they took turns, laughing at his sobs. Hands pulled roughly at his curls and he closed his eyes trying to shut out this nightmare. He didn't see who grabbed his genitals and squeezed them hard causing him to cry out. He was still reeling with the pain when a tongue snaked its way in, invading, taking what was not offered. His eyes snapped open and he was nose to nose with Chris. His brain registered no surprise. It seemed like this is what Chris had lived for these last two years. Chris stepped back and his eyes glittered. Justin was dazed, pain clawing at him. Chris put his hands on Justin's shoulders and forced him to his knees. Justin looked down at the floor. He was afraid of that look and what it meant. Then he heard the unmistakable sound of a zipper. He knew what was next. He had heard the boys in the locker room talking about "sucking dick", laughing and bragging about who they got to "do" them. Unconsciously, he leaned away from the older boy. " Ever done this to Lance?" God no, he and Lance... "Well?" Justin shook his head. "Well, what do you do?" "Nothing," Justin sighed in a whisper, hoping the answer would discourage Chris. "Right," Chris snorted, not believing that if anyone had this beautiful child in bed, they could actually not touch him. "There's a first time for everything then," he said. Justin was desperate. "Please Chris, don't make me..." He looked wildly around the room, looking for an escape, looking for help. But no one seemed interested in stopping this. Then God or someone took pity on Justin because Joey stepped forward and put his hand on Chris, "Hey man, too much. He's just a little kid." He said it quietly but with such vehemence that Chris stepped back and turned. For a minute, they stared one another down and then Chris broke, zipping his pants and looking down at Justin. "We have better things in store anyway," Joey said to Chris, hoping the older teen wasn't too upset. No one wanted to be near Chris when he was upset. And because he couldn't lose face entirely, Chris kicked Justin hard on his way past. Kevin must have been the official timekeeper because he looked at his watch again and announced that it was time. Time for what? Justin thought, near panic. How much worse could things get? Chris looked at him and his lip curled in disgust, "You look like shit now that you've been crying. Oh well, we don't have time to fix you up, sweetie." He grabbed Justin's arm and started to pull him toward the door. The child resisted, not wanting to face the embarrassment of having other boys see him like this. Chris stared at him, "Hard or easy, Justin?" Justin swallowed, knowing he had lost once again. He followed Chris into the hall where he was forced to his knees a second time. Joey bent down and tied his ankles together first and then to his wrists so that it was impossible to move from this spot. The boys disappeared into the two rooms nearest to Justin and cracked the door so that they could watch.  Justin strained against the cords but they didn't even loosen a fraction and he started to cry in earnest now.  Then he stopped, holding his breath, listening.  He heard the sounds of a group of boys, laughing and joking, coming closer.  He knew without a doubt that they would pass right by here and then....please no, please no, please no. When Justin didn't show back up at the room, Lance found Howie and Nick and they realized that something bad had happened again.  Lance raced downstairs, not caring if he was caught off the floor, heading for the closet where they had found him the other two times.  But when he flung the door wide, it was empty, still an unused mop closet. The three of them stood staring at the empty space.  "Shit!  Shit! Shit!" Lance hissed, "Not on his birthday.  God, Justin, where are you?" They looked at one another, needing a new plan.  Joan wasn't due here for another half hour.  Lots could happen to Justin by then.  So they split up and started looking, starting down here. Fifteen minutes later they met back in the hall, discouraged already.  "We need to call Joan." The only problem was that they weren't allowed to use any phones.  So they went in search of a friendly monitor and found Brian instead.  He knew exactly where Justin was and he intended to keep the three boys as far away as possible.  And that bitch, too, if she came. Nick only hesitated a minute before asking, "Brian, have you seen Justin.  We can't find him and we're worried." "Probably nothing to worry about.  You guys are off floor, you know. Now get the hell upstairs before I drag your asses to Sister Anne." "But Justin..." "Did you hear me, Bass?  Get your butts in motion." And they did because that's what the boys at St.  Catherine's did— obeyed directions.  They gathered in Lance and Justin's room, nervously chewing lower lips or nails.  It seemed forever before Joan came. "Ready, boys?" she called as she opened the door and then stared at them.  Something was horribly wrong and where was Justin? They were off the bed and all trying to speak at the same time until she held up her hand.  "Sssh, Lance, tell me." "He's gone again.  Since early.  We looked in that closet and he's not there," the child answered, his words coming out between hitched breaths, "and Brian told us to come back up here and wouldn't call you or anything." "C'mon, let's go get some help." She flew down the stairs, stopping only to tell whatever monitor she met to start the search.  In the lobby, Mike and his friend Pete had been standing around, Pete curious about what St.  Catherine's looked like.  Mike looked up startled when he heard his name.  "Mike, you and Pete go into that hall and check every room.  Most of them are empty so they shouldn't be locked.  Come and find me if you find a locked one." Mike looked confused.  "What are we looking for?" "Justin, Justin's missing," she answered as she started to move away, the three boys following her like puppies. "Missing?" Mike called but she wasn't listening anymore so he shrugged and waved Pete in the direction Joan had indicated.  It was a long hall that angled off several doors down.  So they each took one side and checked rooms quickly.  It was obvious no one had been in any of these for awhile by the layer of dust over everything. They continued around the corner and the shadows here grew deeper. Mike squinted, barely making out a small bundle halfway down the hall.  He wasn't sure but he sprinted anyway, feeling some kind of urgency that he couldn't have explained.  It was Justin, his head down, trying desperately to hide his face from whoever this was. Oh God, please let it be someone nice.  Please.  Please. The sounds of the approaching boys grew louder and he was terrorized now, anticipating the howling laughter and the hands and the mean kisses that would hurt.  And the worst part was that no one would ever let him forget this day, how "pretty" he looked and what a "little fag" he was. "Justin!" At the sound of Mike's voice, Justin looked up.  "Mike, hide me, please'" he sobbed.  "Don't... let... those... boys...see...me." Mike knelt down and looked at his little "brother" and rage bubbled up. This child was made up like a girl and even though the make-up was streaked , it was clear what they intended for him by the sign around his neck.  What kind of sick fucks lived here anyway?  Take it easy. Take care of him first, he told himself.  "Please," Justin begged and his eyes darted to the end of the hall where the entire soccer was rounding the corner, heading for the bus. "OK, calm down," he said.  It was too late to untie the child so he picked him up and as awkward as it was for both, threw him over his shoulder and headed for the nearest room. Inside were Chris and the two fifteen year olds.  Chris was livid that by sheer luck Mike had found Justin and saved him from the total humiliation that he had planned so carefully.  He glared at Mike and sneered, "So, his hero.  Lucky you, Justin." Mike had deposited Justin on the bed and was struggling with the knots when Pete came in, closing the door behind him."I saw you come in here.  Everything ok, man?"  He glanced back and forth between the two angry boys, feeling the impending explosion. He finally succeeded in getting the ropes off Justin's wrists and left the child to finish the job, turning toward Chris with a look of murderous rage.  "You fucking prick.  What the hell..." He couldn't put into words the horror he felt, knowing that Justin just being himself attracted the sick ones, the ones that were jealous and mean and angry at how life treated them and took it out on this innocent child. He crossed the room and landed a punch to Chris's jaw.  His head snapped back and when it did, he launched himself at Mike.  Neither was experienced at actual fighting so it became a series of random punches, some finding a mark, before it dissolved into a wrestling match.  Mike, the more athletic and bigger boy, finally pinned Chris, hissing and spitting.  He leaned down and whispered, "If you ever touch him again, I will come and find you and next time I will break body parts." Chris stared up at him.  He knew it was over anyway.  Joan would call the police and after that, who cared.  And then surprisingly, he started crying.  Mike leaned back in shock and got to his feet. Justin was still on the bed, the same way Mike had left him.  His mouth hung open in complete amazement at what he had just witnessed. And now Chris was crying.  He looked up when Mike came over.  Mike pushed up on his jaw,"Close your mouth, Jus." The older boy sat down then and went to work on the ropes on Justin's ankles.  Neither said a word. "Was it just them, Justin?" Justin hesitated and cast a furtive glance at Chris.  But Chris was off in his own world and no longer was paying any attention to his victim.  "Who was it?" "Joey and Kevin," he whispered. Pete threw in his two cents, "Must of been the kids I saw running down the hall." Mike shrugged, "Let's go find Mom." Then he looked at Justin, the make-up still obvious.  He stripped the pillow and wet the case from the sink.  He scrubbed Justin's face clean and then stepped back.  "I don't think anyone can tell now, kid.  Let's go." The last thing was to take the sign off and tear it up as Justin watched with wide eyes. Justin looked up with glistening eyes, the gratitude shining from them.  He threw his arms around the older boy, hugging him tightly. Mike was overcome for a moment and then said in a soft voice, "You're my little bro'.  I won't let them hurt you anymore.  Hear me?" Justin nodded against his chest.  "Good.  Let's go." They found the others in the lobby and the three boys hugged Justin, plying him with questions he was too embarrassed to answer.  Joan looked questioningly at her son and he shook his head, indicating later.  So she turned back to Justin and knelt down.  "Let's go upstairs, Justin." Mike meanwhile had taken the three boys aside.  "Where can I find Joey and Kevin?" Three pairs of eyes widened into saucers.  No one went looking for them.  "Show me." Nick recovered first, "Howie and I will take you there.  Lance'll go with Justin." Lance agreed and the two younger boys led Mike and Pete upstairs.  Nick and Howie had never been on this floor and just knowing they didn't belong there was intimidating.  They crept down the hall hoping there were no monitors around.  They found the names and Mike didn't bother knocking. The four just pushed in and shut the door quietly.  Joey and Kevin were sitting on their beds, as if they were expecting them. "You two pricks help that little shit and his friends do that to Justin?"  Mike's rage was apparent again and he didn't wait for an answer.  He chose Joey figuring Pete could handle Kevin.  They had surprise in their favor and the truth was that Joey and Kevin were bullies, only brave when the opponent was younger or weaker.  Almost immediately, the two gave in, Mike sorry, wanting the satisfaction of beating the shit out of them.  He twisted Joey's arm up behind his back as Kevin was held down by Pete. "Don't ever touch Justin or Lance or Nick or Howie again.  Do you understand?" There was a little fight left in Joey so he refused to answer.  Mike pulled up higher and the gasp was followed by a harsh yes.  He released Joey who glared at him, rubbing his arm in much the same way as Justin had when they did it to him.  Pete stood, leaving Kevin on his back, his fear obvious. "Just answer one question.  Why?"  Kevin and Joey had no answer. They had followed Chris's lead for so many years that they never really thought about why.  And once Justin had been chosen as the perpetual victim, they just acted automatically to make his life a misery.  Today was the first time that Joey had seen Justin as a person, when he had stopped Chris from forcing Justin to give him a blow job. "Well?" "I don't know, man," Joey finally responded and Kevin nodded.  "Chris always called the shots and then it just seemed so easy..." The shred of decency in the two of them was showing itself at last.  Joey sounded almost apologetic. Mike's voice got softer, "That was cruel, what you did today.  He's only a little kid and a good one at that." To everyone's surprise, the two boys nodded.  Nick and Howie were staring as if Mike had produced a miracle, which in some weird way he had.  "Let's go.  You guys are in deep shit.  You know that, right?" They nodded again, stunned at their own reactions.  "Maybe you can make it right somehow.  Just leave them alone.  Or else." Nick and Howie giggled as the door shut, "That was awesome!!! Just like a video game.  And we won!!!" They danced around Mike high- fiving him until he laughed out loud.  "Let's go tell Joan." Mike was a little nervous.  His mother would probably kick his ass for doing this but right now, seeing the happiness on the two boys faces, that didn't matter.  "Yeah, let's go." "Wow, this is much better than a talent show," Pete said and laughed as they went to find the others. continue menu