Chapter 8 They went to a small Italian restaurant with cozy tables and a homey atmosphere.  Justin didn't order much once he knew Lance was paying even though his stomach was grumbling.  So Lance ordered extra and claimed he couldn't eat it all. They were quiet, trying to find a neutral place to meet.  Justin started, "So, tell me, what's it like to model?" "Well, I don't know from experience but I hear it can be pretty hectic, changing clothes all the time and posing and making faces," he said pulling a face that made Justin laugh. "That face?" he asked, imitating Lance, in a scrunched up funny expression. "Exactly.  You're perfect." Justin's smile faded.  "What if it's a disaster?" "It won't be.  We'll get the right photographer.  That's the trick.  Who you get makes all the difference.  Some of them are bitches and only the long time pros can deal with them.  I have someone in mind.  It'll be fine." The real Justin appeared suddenly, so vulnerable and hurt, so afraid of failing.  Lance said softly, "Really, Justin, it's gonna be fine." "Do you think my parents will see it?" he asked before he could stop himself. "Sure, if they watch teen tv or read teen magazines.  We'll know the air dates.  Just call them." Justin looked down at his plate and pushed the food around.  Lance cursed himself for forgetting what JC had told him.  "Justin, you OK?" "Uh-huh," he said but Lance could hear the near tears in his voice. "Hey, I'm sorry.  I forgot..." Angry eyes flashed, "So.  JC told you all about poor sad Justin and his parents." Lance held up his hands.  "No, he didn't.  He just said that you had to leave home.  I filled in the rest.  I'm sorry." Justin looked down at his plate again and went back to pushing the food into small piles.  He finally lifted his head and asked, "What about you?" Lance let out his breath.  "Me?  What?" "Where did you grow up?  All that shit." "I grew up in Mississippi, a *great* place for a gay boy.  But I was lucky," he said in a soft voice, "my parents accepted me for who I was.  The first time I got the shit kicked out of me, my mom dragged me down to the office as `Exhibit A' and threatened to sue the school district if it happened again.  The teachers watched me like hawks after that." Lance laughed, remembering his mother's wet hen imitation. Justin sat listening, a wistful look on his face and nodded encouragingly.  Lance continued, "So I went away to college, kept things somewhat quiet.  After all, I didn't have her to watch out for me." "Where?" "Florida State, majored in business.  Graduated last May and got a job here." "What about New York?  Isn't that supposed to be the place for advertising?" Justin asked, seriously interested. "Too high pressure for this southern boy.  Some day, maybe.  This is enough of a transition.  The weather alone will drive me over the edge." He looked at Justin, sitting in his thin sweater, and hoped he wouldn't react. "Yeah, the weather is tough." Justin's face remained impassive.  "So where do you live?" "In a one bedroom with two other guys over on the west side.  It's a little tight," Lance giggled, "but beggars can't be choosers." He saw Justin flinch and he mentally kicked himself but damn, it was hard to watch for all the land mines and talk at the same time. "Where do *you* live?" Lance asked, figuring that it was an innocent question. Justin gave him a wary look, circling the question, and searching for the danger.  When it seemed safe enough, he said simply, "JC and I share a room a few blocks from the corner when it's cold." "Hmmmm." Lance was stumped now.  Justin wasn't ready to share any details of his life and Lance wasn't up for a hunting expedition.  He looked at his watch.  "Ready to go?" "Justin, you're not going back to the corner, are you?" "No," Justin said.  "One question.  How did you know where to find me?" "I went back to Lynn's and JC told me where you had gone.  He really cares about you, you know." "I know.  That's why I want this to work out.  I want to help him get off the streets." "And you?  What do you want for Justin?" Lance looked up into pained eyes as Justin stood to leave.  He didn't say a word as he turned away. They walked back to Lynn's in an uneasy silence, not uncomfortable or upsetting, just uneasy.  Lance wanted to say something to relax them but he had no witty words that would do the trick.  At Lynn's door, Justin hesitated and then invited Lance in.  Lance agreed, assuming that JC or Lynn would be there. When the apartment was empty, he looked surprised and Justin read his thoughts."JC's back on the corner and Lynn has the night shift.  I don't think we have anything here to drink except for water and soda." "Water is fine." Lance looked around the tidy room.  There was no evidence that this boy had been staying here.  He wondered if he was always this neat or if he just had so little, it was hard to be a slob.  One day he hoped Justin would have all the things he wanted. Justin came back into the room with two glasses of water and Lance took a polite sip.  "Can I sit?" "Sure," Justin said, blushing slightly.  No one ever asked, they just told him what to do next.  This whole *dating* thing or whatever this was, was lost in some hazy memories.  Lance sat on the sofa and Justin debated how to approach him. Lance felt Justin sizing things up and suddenly felt like prey.  His senses came on high alert but he wasn't prepared for what happened next.  Justin took the glasses and put them on the coffee table. Then he knelt down and leaned into Lance, dropping a sweet kiss on his lips. Lance moaned into it, and touched Justin's hair, running his fingers through the curls that were as soft as he had imagined them.  The second kiss was searching, Justin's tongue slipping in to part Lance's lips and enter, to taste him.   Justin's hands restlessly moved up and down Lance's legs, dancing dangerously close to where Lance's dick was hardening.  Lance's hands moved to touch soft skin and then down Justin's arms.  Lance was on fire. The kisses continued to stoke the flames.  Justin's fingers brushed Lance's dick, encased in material, tracing the outline and drawing a gasp from the older boy.  When Lance could think, he thought he had never been with anyone more sexy in his life and was amazed that this boy could.....His eyes snapped open and he pulled back from those incredible lips. Justin tried to follow but Lance put a hand on his chest and pushed back gently.  "Justin, maybe we shouldn't...." "Don't you want to?" Justin's voice was silky and seductive, pulling Lance back. "Yes, but..." "Then, what's the problem?" Lance felt like a john, being hustled, and he hated it.  He knew Justin wasn't even aware of what he was doing.  He could see that by the confusion on the younger boy's face. "We, uh, maybe we're not ready for this." "You *feel* ready for this," Justin whispered. Lance didn't want their first time like this, not with Justin playing the whore and offering himself. He wanted the heart of this boy and he wanted to give his in return.  This wasn't that.  This was Justin paying Lance back for treating him like a human being, offering the only coin he knew. "Well, I'm not," Lance said.  How could he begin to explain without losing this boy?  Justin sat back on his heels, hurt all over. "You *do* want me," Justin stated, but with a lost edge to his voice.  "So I don't get it." "You're right.  I *do* want you. You are the most amazingly beautiful guy I have ever kissed.  But I want all of you and you are just offering your body." "It's all I have," Justin said in the sad voice of a penitent child. Lance was astounded that the pissed off hooker was still not in the room with them.  "You are so wrong.  There is so much more to you than just a body.  I don't know anything about you.  I want that first.  Friends, remember?" Justin flashed to a john who had said almost the same words, early on.  Justin had been grateful then and had told him his story.  When he was finished, the beady eyes had glittered and he had tied Justin to the bed and tortured him all night with his own words, mocking his misery, licking the tears away. Justin swallowed hard and stood, forcing back the tears, the hardness there, protecting him.  "Ok, so you don't want me.  That's fine. So how do I repay you?" Lance wanted to throw up his hands and run out the door, but that's exactly what Justin wanted. "I *do* want you, God, do I want you.  Just not this way, not this soon.  Repay me?  Come to the movies with me tomorrow night." Justin was shocked and the look on his face was so comical that Lance had to swallow a giggle.  "You mean, a date?" "Yes, a date.  I'll be here at 6PM." Justin stared and then whispered, "OK."  Lance held his breath, praying that the real Justin would show up tomorrow night.  Lance stepped into Justin and allowed himself one more kiss before he said good night. Downstairs, Lance hailed a cab, no easy feat in this neighborhood, but the idea of riding the el with this hard-on was unnerving.  On the ride home, Lance second-guessed himself but as he drew near his apartment, he congratulated himself on his self-control.  If he had given in and accepted Justin's offer, their chance at a relationship would have been finished when Justin woke up in the morning feeling like a cheap slut. Lance stripped on his way to the bedroom, throwing himself down and giving in to the fantasy.  He felt Justin's curls sliding through his fingers and then he imagined Justin circling his cock with his hand, his thumb flicking the head, and at the same time, that amazing tongue licking patterns over his nipples. Lance made do with his own hand, pumping his already stone-like dick, moaning with the exquisite feelings that thinking about Justin and touching himself provided.  It was too quick as he came in an explosive orgasm that he was sure would be better when Justin's lips were wrapped around his dick. It was almost totally unsatisfying and Lance sighed, wondering how long it would be before their relationship could tolerate sex.  He hoped it wasn't too long because he was sure that soon, the mere sight of Justin would provoke an orgasm. Justin wasn't so lucky.  He sat on the sofa and let the tears drip down, wondering what he had done wrong to drive Lance away.  He hadn't heard Lance express his desire for Justin, he only heard the rejection.  He was sure that unless he could find a way to seduce him, someone like Lance would never, ever consider having sex with him, the used goods label scaring him away. It wasn't fair.  At some other time and place, it could have worked.  He laid down, his head pounding from the pressure of the tears and cried himself to sleep, hugging a pillow, sure that it was as close to Lance as he'd ever get, date or no date.                                         Lynn found him when she came in, curled up like a young child, and she knelt down beside him.  She could tell from  the red -rimmed eyes that he had been crying— hard.  She went in her room and brought out his blankets and covered him before falling into her own bed.. When she woke up much later, she came out to find him still huddled under the blankets, looking completely miserable.  "Ok, baby, what is it?" He looked up and the expression on his face would melt rock.  She sat down next to him and sighed, "Lance?" He nodded.  "He didn't come?" Justin shook his head.  "He did come?" Another nod.  Lynn shook her own head this time, "Enough with charades.  Just tell me what happened and how I can help." Justin sniffled, "I wanted him to .... and he wouldn't..... and I know that I'm just a whore to him but I wanted......and it isn't fair." Lynn sat for a moment or two, trying to fill in the blanks with words that made sense.  "Lance wouldn't go to bed with you?" Nod.  "And he wouldn't because you're a prostitute?" Another nod.  "He*said*  that?" A shake this time. "So you don't really know why he won't go to bed with you?" she asked gently. "Yes, I do," he cried. "That's *you* talking, Jus, not him." Justin wanted to believe her, believe that Lance could see past the hooker.  "I see the way he looks at you." "Like a hooker." "No," she said forcefully, "not like that.  Like a special guy that he ...." "He asked me out." "Like a date?" she asked. "Yeah," Justin giggled, before losing it in the sigh.. "And?" "I said I'd go," he said. "Well, good," she said, studying him, "You deserve a guy like that." Justin stared at her.  It was the second time recently that someone had told him he deserved good things.  Why was it so hard to believe it? Lance had gotten up, looking forward to the day.  First, he had to take care of the hard-on that dreaming of Justin had created but that was ok.  He would see that boy tonight and hopefully the real Justin would let him in, even if only a little. The work on the storyboards was coming along and Jenna was pleased.  Lance could picture that sexy body on the beach but, of course, Justin's sweet, longing look would be for him.  He laughed to himself, imagining the outrage from the client if he suggested that. He envisioned the scene and was chuckling softly when Jenna entered.  "Care to share?" she asked. "Uh, no, it's ....nothing," he replied.  Definitely not sharing that one, Jenna.  "What's up?" "Have you talked to them?" she said. "Them?  Oh, you mean Justin and JC? Uh, yeah," Lance answered.  Great, another minefield. "When will they be back?" "Saturday." "Shit.  Can't you convince them to change the flight?  We'll pay the difference.  Let the client see them before Monday." Lance thought of Justin's chest and his bruises.  "No, they have some appointment on Friday." Shit, more lies.  He'd never be able to keep track of them all much less prep Justin and JC on what he had said. Jenna accepted it with a groan.  "Damn, well, c'est la vie.  At least we can give them the storyboards and a blowup of them." "They gay, Lance?" Lance nearly spit his coffee all over his desk. "How un-PC of you, Jenna." he laughed, recovering from the shock. She smiled, "Just between us, just friends, ok?" Lance debated.  One less lie would be good.  "Yeah, they are." "Of course," Jenna sighed, "Just my luck.  So is Justin your boy?" "I hope he will be.  Listen, uh, I have to meet someone......" "Yes, leave early," she said, her hand dramatically draped on her forehead, "Leave the old maid pining away in the office while.... "Puh-leez," Lance grinned. "Yeah, sure," she responded with the same grin, "We done good today." continue menu