Chapter 4 Lance hurried into the office, the photo clutched in his hand.  He thought about getting the art department to fix it up but decided to stick with it the way it was and hope Jenna would find Justin as beautiful as he did. He knocked on the door and saw her surprised expression as he walked in, waving the small frame.  "Good news and bad news.  Which do you want first?" "The bad news," she sighed. "He and his friend are in Europe on vacation till next week." Jenna shook her head, "Call Tom Sum..." "There's good news." She cocked her head, waiting.  "I have a photograph." Jenna sighed.  They never worked, you could never tell from a snapshot, but she took it anyway. Her gasp relieved Lance.  It was obvious from her stunned look that she found Justin just as he had promised.  Unless it was JC, he thought a little anxiously. "So?  What do you think?" Lance smiled. "Do they come as a pair?" Jenna laughed.  Lance frowned.  Not that he didn't want to see JC get in on the deal but he was afraid Jenna would not make Justin the focus and suddenly it was important that Justin be a star. "You want them as a pair?" Lance asked, an edge to his voice that Jenna noticed. "Is that a problem?" "Well, I thought Justin was going to be the spokesperson for the campaign." And he deserves to have something good happen, he wanted to add. She sighed.  It was clear that she was taken by JC and Lance wanted to laugh and tell her that he was gay and a hooker as well.  But he remained quiet and she said, "You're right.  We want one and this child is amazing.  But his friend— put him in the campaign somewhere." Lance shrugged and nodded.  It would be time enough later to tell her he was gay, after he had a signed contract.  "Can I have the rest of the day off?  I was up at the crack of dawn tracking him down.  I need a nap." Jenna snorted and waved him off, "Yeah, go.  Tomorrow early.  We have to get some storyboards ready.  I'll sell them Justin and the concept this afternoon." She was signing papers and looked up, "Great job, Lance." Lance smiled and gave a thumbs up.  All he really wanted to do though was get back to the coffee shop and tell Justin the good news.  He tried to tell himself it was all about Justin but the truth was he wanted to be a hero to this boy. Justin was now comfortable in Lynn's apartment.  He had showered and was lying on the couch, only a towel around his waist.  Lynn was applying first aid ointment to all the cuts she could see. "Anything I need to see?" she asked gesturing to Justin's crotch. "Need or want?" he asked seductively.  Lynn froze, thinking how sad that he did that so automatically, not even aware how fucked up it was. She simply asked, "So can I put the first aid kit away?" He nodded, a little confused by her sudden distance.  He moved to a safe place. "Where are my clothes?" "JC went to get another outfit.  I'm washing the ones you were wearing." Justin nodded again, the smile gone.  He was glad she had taken them away.  They had the john's smell all over them.  "Just lie down.  The advantage is that you can't get up and disappear.  Relax, baby." He did lie down and pulled a warm blanket around him, grateful for his two friends.  It surprised him how tired he still was and he felt his eyelids getting heavy.  By the time Lynn left, he was snoring softly. Lance went straight to the back and was upset when the pile of blankets was empty.  He looked around for Lynn or JC and was dismayed that neither was there.  He sat at the counter and ordered more coffee.  It was served by a cute young thing who was more than happy to flirt with Lance. "I'm looking for Justin," he said as she put the coffee down. Her face shifted, annoyance and disgust apparent.  "He's not here." "No, I can see that.  Do you know where I can find him?" "Lynn's probably," she said.  Lance sighed.  This was torture. "Where is that?"he asked through clenched teeth. "Can't tell you.  Lynn would kill me."Lance looked so upset that she relented.  "Let me call and you can talk to her." She dialed and handed him the phone.  A minute later he threw a hurried thanks over his shoulder and left her behind, glaring. He knocked on the door, anxious to see Justin.  He wanted to rescue this boy, whisk him away from this life and into a fairy tale existence, to make his life right, to be the center of Justin's world. Lynn indicated that Lance should be quiet and he saw why lying on the sofa, his face soft in sleep, young and untroubled.  Lance sat down on the chair next to him, watching the rise and fall of his chest. He didn't know how long he sat there, mesmerized by thoughts of the boy. He closed his eyes and pictured them together in his apartment, glasses of wine on the table in front of them, chatting about the latest shoot.  He saw the beautiful blue eyes twinkling with joy, the joy that he had been able to put there. "Lance, have I told you how happy I am, how happy you make me?" "No, baby, not today," he would laugh in his low rumbling voice that Justin found irresistible.  "Want to show me?" Justin would smile, the slow sensual grin that would have Lance writhing in anticipation.  Then he would move closer, inch by inch, until his hand could brush over Lance's already hard dick, only denim between them.  He knew he would moan and thrust into Justin's hand and Justin would pull away and stand up, pulling Lance toward the bedroom. He would follow like a lovesick puppy, letting Justin push him backwards onto the bed.  And he would let Justin take off all of his clothes and he would be trembling with desire, on the brink, just feeling Justin's hands brush his dick lightly. And then Justin would do a slow striptease and smack Lance's hands away as they sought to provide some release.  He knew he would groan and beg and be turned on even more when Justin would say no. And then Justin would kneel between Lance's legs and take his cock into his mouth and begin a slow suck, tongue working a magic that never failed.  Justin would speed up as Lance got closer, cupping his balls and squeezing them just enough to excite Lance beyond endurance and he would shoot his load down Justin's throat. Just then Lance was startled by a movement on the couch and the fantasy disappeared. Justin was stretching, a sinuous catlike movement that highlighted his assets.  He sat up, the blankets still around him and opened his eyes.  He blinked twice and then rubbed his eyes, as if he couldn't believe Lance was there in the flesh. "What are you doing here?" Justin asked, a nasty bite to his tone that belied what he was really feeling. Lance was taken aback.  "I...uh...I...." "Change your mind about the blowjob?" Justin asked, a hard edge to his sweet voice.  But underneath, Lance could hear the trembling, the fear that Lance wanted to hurt him also. Lance recovered and became the aggressor.  "What if I did?  You gonna do it right here?" Justin crumpled, "Yeah, I guess." His eyes were directed at the floor, waiting to see if Lance would make him kneel down right now. Lance wondered how the conversation had gone so wrong so quickly.  "Justin, could we start over here?"  Justin looked up, not sure what to expect.  He was silent.  "I came to talk to you." "Talk?" Justin said the word as if it were an entirely foreign concept. "Yes, I have a proposition for you." Justin's body language changed again, into the familiar streetwise hooker that he tried so hard to convey.  Propositions he knew. Lance never realized how difficult this was going to be.  Every word was loaded.  Just get it over with, he told himself.  "I would like you to sign a contract to model for my agency." Justin just stared, "Model?" Lance could see the wheels turning, trying to see where the danger was. "Yes.  Model.  Clothes.  Photos." Images flashed in Justin's mind, tricks where he had been blindfolded and bleeding and he could hear the click of the camera shutter.  He shivered and Lance frowned.  "This is a good thing, Justin." Justin desperately wanted JC or Lynn to come, to hear this, to tell him if it was ok.  He still didn't speak and it was obvious that Lance was growing impatient.  "Yes or no.  There are other models out there." Justin looked up, raw fear in his eyes, his lip trembling.  Lance didn't get it.  Why was Justin afraid of him?  Justin started rocking.  So much in the last year had seemed safe only to end up with Justin hurt and bleeding, shamed and humiliated. Lance stood and started pacing.  He had expected happiness, gratitude, hugs and kisses— not this.  He sighed again.  If he ever wanted to get with this boy, he better start by understanding what he was thinking. He said softly, "Tell me what the problem is." Justin looked like a wounded animal, cornered. "How...how...do I ....know...." he said and stopped, unable to go further.  Lance wanted to scream but fought to maintain a calm exterior. "Know what, Justin?" Lance prompted. "Know that you won't hurt me," Justin finally replied in a childlike voice that spoke volumes of his experiences this last year. Lance was stunned, his mouth open in shock.  It was a contract, with a bona fide agency.  Didn't he make that clear?  Justin huddled into himself, putting his protective shell into place before it was too late.  Maybe it was already too late.  Lance watched the transformation take place and when Justin sat up again, the arrogant cockiness was back.  Before Lance could say a word, Justin spoke. "Can you meet my fees?" he asked, a seductive lilt to his voice and to emphasize the point, his tongue flicked out and traced his lips, and Lance's dick was responding.  Justin was terrified but he couldn't show it.  He couldn't let Lance see his fear and this act was his only option. Lance cleared his throat and his normally deep voice came out as a high-pitched squeak, "What the fuck are you doing?" "Doing?  What do you think I'm doing?" "I think you're asking me to fuck you— for money.  I think you're acting like a whore.  And I don't get it." Tears shimmered in Justin's eyes before he quickly wiped them away.  "I'm offering you a real job, a great job.  Would you rather strip and let men crawl all over you and beat you and carve letters on your chest?" Lance asked angrily.  This wasn't going at all as he had planned. Justin watched him with wide eyes, realizing that Lance was furious and not sure how to fix the situation.  He stood and let the blanket drop, his shirt fluttering open.  Lance winced, seeing the damage to that perfect body.  Justin moved closer until they were inches apart. Lance stood there, uncertain, wishing that he could taste Justin but not wanting him under these circumstances.  Justin leaned in, running his fingers up and down Lance's arm, grasping it and closing the gap between them.  Suddenly, Lance pulled back, as if awakened from a dream, and hissed, "Jesus." He brushed Justin's hand away as he would some loathsome insect. Justin felt it as deep as it was possible to feel.  He stood frozen, his breathing hitched as he felt Lance's rejection once again. This time when his tongue snuck out, it was not seductive.  It was childlike, the hurt making him drop his facade.  He stood in front of Lance, head bowed, feeling the waves of anger directed his way. Lance stared and then turned on his heel and slammed out of the room. Justin stood for another moment before collapsing onto the sofa like a rag doll, fear and relief and shame all swirling through him like a summer storm.  Tears leaked out and he brushed them away angrily.  He stared at the ceiling wondering what he had done and wishing Jayce or Lynn would come. As if summoned, JC flew in the door, a bright burst of light, but he stopped abruptly when he saw the waif-like boy sitting hunched on the sofa.  "Jus, what's wrong?" "That guy Lance, the one from the train,  was here," he said in a monotone and JC knew this wasn't good. "Where is he now?" "I don't know.  He left a few minutes ago.  He's pissed at me.  I ..." "I'll be back," JC said and ran from the room, hoping the el was Lance's destination.  When he got to the platform, he could barely breathe.  He scanned the people waiting and saw him, back to the wind, tapping his foot angrily. "Lance," he called softly when he was close enough.  He stepped back at the anger he saw on Lance's face but he couldn't stop now.  "Can I talk to you for a minute?" He glanced anxiously down the track, afraid Lance would step on the train and out of their lives altogether, but there was no train yet so he had a few minutes to plead Justin's case. "This is fucked up.  I knew I was just drunk when I thought of Justin for this.  I'm gonna tell Jenna to forget it before she makes a fool out of us with the client." "No, please," JC begged, "just hear me out.  Let me buy you a cup of coffee.  Please."  If he was honest, Lance wanted to talk to JC, to ask what the hell had happened back there.  He nodded. When they had slid into a booth and ordered coffee, Lance sat waiting.  JC wasn't sure where to start.  "What happened?" Lance exploded, "I offered him the contract and he threw himself at me, practically sucked my dick on the spot.  But it wasn't gratitude.  I don't know what it was.  He went from child to whore to child with the speed of light and I never even caught my breath." JC nodded miserably, "He isn't the same kid that came a year ago.  He has no defenses except the whore and that fucks him over every time." Lance was shaking his head and JC continued, "Imagine yourself on the street at 19, selling your body to anyone with cash." His soft voice continued, "You look at them as they roll by and you see the lust in their eyes and you hope that it will be a quick fuck or a blowjob and you can get back out here in an hour or two.  So you get in the car and you go to the sleazy place you take your tricks and you let him in and he says to strip and when you meet his eyes, you know it's all bad." "The pleasant looking, balding commuter has transformed into a rageful monster and you are his prey.  So he ties you down or handcuffs you and you have no escape because screams here are nothing new.  And then he blindfolds you and you are terrified." "And he hurts you.  Over and over, sometimes accompanied by sweet words, sometimes by angry ones, but always pain.  And when it's over, you get your clothes on and he is back.  The nice guy, the one that catches the 8:10 after he kisses his wife and kids goodbye." "And you go back out and you look into their eyes and you try to guess which one is safe and you rarely seem to guess right.  And you ask other hookers and they shrug their shoulders and they hope you keep getting those so they don't have to ." "And finally, here you are and someone is kind to you and wants to be nice to you and it is terrifying.  And you react the only way you know.  You offer yourself and hope against hope that this one won't hurt you." Lance ran his hands through his hair and fought back the tears.  He had no idea what to do next, what to say.  JC sat opposite him, tears shimmering for the boy back at Lynn's.  Lance did want to understand.  "Why him?" "Like I told you before, I don't know.  I have a guess though.  Want to hear it?" Lance nodded.  He desperately wanted to understand Justin.  "He's beautiful but a lot of us are beautiful.  It's the vulnerable child that they see and want to hurt, acting out their own stuff on him.  And he tries so hard to hide it that it makes bringing that child out so much more satisfying." Lance thought about it.  He agreed.  He had seen the child appear, the one you wanted to hug and cuddle but when the hooker took its place, it seemed okay to hurt Justin, to take out your anger on him. If that was your thing.... He let the thought trail off, not wanting to imagine what happened in those hotel rooms. Lance looked up to see JC staring at him.  "Are you gonna give up on him?" "Should I?" Lance sighed. "No, God, please, no.  This is his chance.  Please don't take it away.  He's just scared."JC begged, willing Lance to give Justin another try and this time, he would be with him and it would turn out okay. "Fine, let's go back together.  Maybe you can translate for me because every time we start, we end up in this fucked up place." Lance smiled then. "You're a good friend, JC.  "By the way," he laughed, "Jenna wants you in the campaign as well. I have to warn you though, she has it bad for you." JC's face was comical, "Does she know I'm gay?" "Uh, no,  and the hooker detail was kinda omitted as well." Lance grimaced when he saw the look of disapproval.  "I wanted you both to have this and the gay hooker thing....." "I hope that decision doesn't come back and bite you in the ass." Lance shrugged.  "The fact that he's not a professional...model, that is....is the bigger problem.  And now that I've seen the insecurity, I just hope it works out." JC frowned and said, "Uh, we need to talk about one other thing." "What's that?  Money?  Because..." "No, you and Justin." Lance blushed a deep red. "Me and Justin?  What do you mean?" he asked, despite the fact that his blush had given his feelings away. "I can see you have feelings for him.  God, who doesn't?  But it won't be easy if you pursue him.  He's hurt and scared and afraid to trust anyone except me and Lynn.  I don't know if you can go as slow as he needs to go." JC had just voiced Lance's biggest fear.  Even now, after the debacle at the apartment, all he wanted was to hold Justin and cover him with gentle kisses and make love.  He wasn't sure that he could wait, hold out for as long as Justin needed. He didn't answer.  Lance just stood up, "Ready?" "Sure." continue menu