Epilogue

Justin flew through the door and threw his books on the
counter.  "Hey, anybody home?" When the apartment remained silent, he
headed for the cupboards, rummaging through them for a snack.
He grabbed two granola bars and hit the play button on the answering
machine. 

The first message was from JC saying that his shoot in Italy was
going well and that he expected to be home in a week and to please
put his mail some place safe and preferably in one spot, not like the
last time. 

He droned on so Justin skipped to the next one.  "Hey, Justin, can
you come in for a few hours on Saturday?  I know I promised you the
whole day off but that new guy just isn't working out and I had to
fire his ass.  Let me know.  Soon.  Real soon." Justin sighed.  He
had been looking forward to spending Saturday morning in bed with
Lance.

"Hey, babe, you listening?  God, I hope it's you." Lance's low porn
voice floated out of the machine and Justin felt himself getting
hard.  After a whole year, Lance –Christ–Lance's voice, still had
that effect on him.  "We have the apartment to ourselves tonight.  So
do your studying now.  I'll bring some food home."

Justin sat at the kitchen table and spread out his books before
drifting off into another world.  So much had happened in the past
year.  He and Lance were still together.  It had been touch and go
for awhile but things smoothed out and they were better than ever.

He thought about where they had been.  That first week he had spent
alone had been hell and only talking to Lance twice a day had saved
him from freaking out completely.  He hated going to sleep alone,
waking up alone, not having someone close to lean on. 

He had  a close call when one of his former johns had found his way
into the bar and suggested that they spend the night together. When
Justin answered in a low voice that he wasn't hanging on the corner
any more, the john took offense and started talking about how great
Justin was in bed in the loudest possible voice.

Justin had blushed to his toes and walked away, but when the little
creep continued, he turned back.  He didn't know any way of stopping
him except to agree and it was on the tip of his tongue when Lance's
voice came into his head, "Keep safe, baby." It was as if Lance were
there with him, so when he faced the john, he felt Lance's presence.

"Which part of no was not clear?" he said in as steady a voice as he
could muster.  He knew all the regulars were watching the interaction
with interest.  They stared at one another for a long moment before
the john backed down.

"Fuck you, you little prick," he threw back over his shoulder. 
Justin sighed in relief and turned to the regulars.  They were easy
to handle.

"That was then and this is now.  Don't even think what you're
thinking," he said and the bar broke out in a roar of laughter and he
knew he was all right.

When he told Lance that night, Lance's knees had buckled, terrified
at how close Justin had come–again.  But he focused on the proud note
in Justin's voice as he recounted the story and replied, "Wow.  That
took a lot.  And Justin?  I *am* there.  Don't forget it."

Several months later, Justin *had* acted out.  Chris said later that
he had been freaked when Lance got fired and had assumed
responsibility for Jenna never forgiving Lance.

He did still think it was his fault but Lance kept saying no even
today.  But Justin knew.  If he hadn't fucked up that campaign, they
would still have been friends and coworkers.  Instead, Lance
disagreed with her one too many times and she got sick of it. 
Insubordination, she said, and Lance said to hell with it and didn't
even fight her.

Justin's stomach had churned and he couldn't sleep and he felt like a
worthless piece of crap.  So he did what he always did.  He took a
risk—  walking down by the river, alone, and he didn't hear the two
guys come up behind him till it was too late.  They beat the crap out
of him, stole his wallet, and left him bleeding on the steps leading
down to the ferry dock.

When the cops called Lance, he rushed to the ER and held his hand and
called his detective friend, who located Justin's parents.  They had
finally come to see him only because they thought he might die. When
they were sure he was out of danger, they disappeared from his life
once again.

Justin was dozing in his hospital room several days later when Lance
came in.  Lance sat down and gazed at the beautiful face.  It had
been a long time since he had bruises like that and Lance shook his
head. 

He couldn't keep doing this.  He couldn't watch Justin continue to
self-destruct no matter how infrequently it happened these days.  He
had come to deliver an ultimatum.  We go for counseling together or
we're finished.  Justin was still seeing Chris but his excuses had
kept him away from Chris more often than not.  Lance was determined
that they could get better together.

Justin's eyelashes fluttered and he opened his eyes, squinting into
the sunlight.  "Hey," Justin said, "What's up?" When he finally
focused on his boyfriend, he frowned, "What's wrong?"

"Jus, we need help."

"What kind of help?"

"Counseling help.  You and me."

Justin ran his hand through his curls in exasperation.  "Maybe I
don't want to go.  I'm sick of trekking over to Chris's office and
rehashing every detail of my life."

"Oh yeah?" Lance retorted, "Maybe I'm tired of saving your ass every
time you run out in traffic to see if God hates you enough to let you
die."

Justin looked shocked and his eyes welled up.  "Are you?"

"Yeah, Jus, I am.  Cause I'm so goddamned afraid that one of these
times, I won't be able to rescue you and then we'll both be fucked."

"It's not that often, Lance."

"Once is too much, baby.  It only takes once for you to die.  Justin,
I can't imagine my life if you died or got permanently hurt.  Please,
Justin?"

And he had agreed and they had started to see Chris together and they
worked so hard, it seemed like a second full-time job for each of
them.  But they made progress.  They learned how to ask for what they
needed, they learned to say no, they learned that no didn't mean I
hate you.  They were still struggling and sometimes they just took a
break from acting like adults and sulked or threw temper tantrums.

But Justin didn't take risks and Lance didn't try to force Justin to
swear eternal love.  Chris was always telling them what a great job
they were doing and they were both like puppies, soaking up the
attention and praise.  They were still there, but it was down to once
a month and they were talking about stopping.

They had moved into a new apartment a few months ago.  The four of
them made enough to actually rent a three bedroom apartment with a
great view of the lake.  When they had first looked at it, JC laughed
and said he still wanted the corporate apartment where they had
celebrated the modeling contract. This apartment had no jacuzzi or
crystal or giant beds, but it was great for the four of them and they
had lots of fun times there together.

JC was away a lot.  His career had blossomed almost over night The
current look was ethereal, androgynous creature and JC was perfect
for it.  He had had a few dates with other models but nothing serious
had come out of any of them.  He was currently in Milan doing the
fall runway shows.

Lance still wondered whether Justin would ever reconsider his
decision concerning the modeling. That life seemed so far away now
but when he asked, Justin would get quiet and just shake his head. 
He had tried to explain to Lance that he didn't *want* people
drooling over him or trying to touch him.  Even some of the customers
at the bar skeeved him on a bad day when they would put their hand
over his as he tried to collect his tips.

Lance could never understand how Justin couldn't be into his own
beauty.  He could spend hours just staring at Justin and marveling at
the fact that they were together.  Justin usually snorted when Lance
said that and then throw himself on his boyfriend, blushing
furiously.

Justin was content at the bar, working the early shift and then
taking college classes in the late afternoon and evenings.  Justin
was popular with the customers, his sunny smile always a welcome
sight in the morning.  Joey stayed as well, mostly because of
Justin.  They had become good friends and often spoke of doing
something together involving music.

Justin was majoring in music and was making a name for himself around
the campus because of his voice, but he turned down an opportunity to
join a well-known a capella group because he didn't want to spend any
more time away from Lance. Joey and Lance were sitting watching tv
one night when Joey brought it up, "Did Justin tell you that the
Belltones, that singing group at school, asked him to join?"

Lance's head swivelled, "No, when?"

"A while ago, but he said no." 

"Why?"

"He didn't want to take any more time away from you."

"That's crazy.  He's got such a great voice and if he wants to do
something with music..."

"He loves you, man," Joey said.

Lance turned back to the tv and they dropped the subject.  Later that
night, as they lay curled into one another, Lance said, "Why didn't
you join the Belltones?"  He felt Justin tense in his arms but he
didn't answer.  "Joey says it's a great opportunity."

Justin pulled back and looked at Lance, "I don't have enough time for
everything and I want to be with you." Lance sighed.

"We could make the time.  I want you to use your talent.  What if
this leads to a great opportunity?"

"What if it leads me away from you?"

"That won't happen.  I won't let it.  I'll follow you anywhere."
Justin watched Lance and then snuggled back into Lance's chest.  "So?"

"I'll think about it." Justin couldn't say more.  Lance had
overwhelmed him with his statement of love and even now, six months
in, he was shocked that Lance wanted this relationship.

He eventually joined and subsequently quit the Belltones, not for
Lance, but because his experiences just made it too hard to join
things at school.  Instead he applied for an internship at a
recording studio and came home with lots of stories.

Lance loved his new job.  It was another agency and even though he
had to prove himself after being fired, he was a natural in
advertising and fit in quickly.  Right now he was working on a
campaign that reminded him of that one so long ago.  They *also*
wanted a new face and JC was just too famous for that.

Lance had come home last week and spent the night staring at Justin's
profile as he worked on a paper for school.  Finally, Justin had
thrown his pen down and frowned, "What?"

Lance jumped and blushed, embarrassed at being caught in the
act.  "What do you mean?"

Justin laughed, "You can ask for sex any time.  I haven't said no
yet, have I?"

Lance groaned and Justin came over and slid in next to him on the
sofa, kissing him with a promise of wildness.  Lance pushed
back, "No, Jus, it's not that."

"Then what?"

Lance sighed, afraid to bring the subject up, "The new campaign needs
a fresh face." Justin shook his head vehemently.  "Why not?"

"I don't want to model.  I'm not going to fuck up another job for
you.  Why is it so important to you that I do this?"

"Justin, you are beautiful.  I want everyone to be able to see you
and then sneer that *you* only want *me*."

Justin stared, open-mouthed, "You're nuts.  Fucking nuts." He moved
back to the kitchen table, "The answer is no.  Be pissed.  But the
answer is still no." He focused on the pages in front of him.

Lance stood and came over, leaning down and kissing the back of
Justin's neck, "Sorry, babe, but the thought of you sashaying those
slinky hips down a runway is ....definitely creating a cold shower
situation."

Justin laughed out loud at the image.  "You.  Are.  Certifiable.  Go
take that shower and let me work."


Justin crashed back to the present when the phone rang.  He picked it
up and heard Lance's breathing, something he would recognize
anywhere.  "Hey," he said, "you shouldn't call me at home.  What if
my boyfriend were here?"

Silence greeted him.  He bit his lip to keep the burst of laughter
from escaping.  "Justin?"

"Oh shit, Lance, is that you?" He was sure that Lance could hear the
giggle in his voice but Lance was not amused.

"What the fuck?" Lance roared.  This time Justin exploded in a fit of
laughter, giggling helplessly until Lance said, "Justin!"

"Sorry," Justin said, his voice saying he was anything but sorry.  "I
was kidding.  I knew it was you."

"How?" Lance asked, truly unable to believe that.

Justin had sobered up and answered softly, "I go to sleep with that
sound every night.  I'd know it anywhere."

This time he heard the smile in Lance's voice, "Not funny, baby boy. 
I just called to tell you I'm on my way.  What do you want to eat?"

"You" came to mind but Justin refrained and replied, "Whatever.  Just
hurry." Lance's low laugh was musical.

"On my way."

Justin sat and tried unsuccessfully to concentrate on his books when
his hard-on was demanding his full attention.  So he put them away
and thanked God he didn't have any assignments that were due
tomorrow.  He looked at his watch and went into the bedroom.

When Lance called his name later, he didn't answer, knowing Lance
would come looking.  He heard the footsteps and drew back into the
shadows of their room.  Lance's gasp when he saw the flickering
candlelight caused a stirring in Justin's groin.

He moved to the door and took Lance's hand, pulling him toward the
bed, where he pushed him down until he was sitting on the edge. 
Lance hadn't said a word and was frozen, his gaze riveted on his
nearly naked lover. Justin bent down and took off Lance's shoes and
socks and stood before Lance, letting him feast his eyes on the
perfection in front of him.

Lance took in the long, sleek lines of Justin's body and reached out
to touch him, but Justin danced away.  "You wanted a model,
someone `sashaying those slinky hips'.  Well, I will only do it for
you." He reached over to the night table and pressed a button on the
stereo remote.

The sounds of Tim McGraw singing "Not a Moment Too Soon" drifted from
the speakers and Justin began to sway to the music.  "Listen to the
words, baby, it's for you," Justin whispered as he continued an
erotic dance inches from Lance.

Lance could see the hard outline of Justin's cock through the thin
material that barely covered it. Lance wanted to grab him and lick
him right through the material.  As if reading his thoughts, Justin
smiled, "Not yet.  Not yet."

The music penetrated Lance's lust-filled haze and Lance concentrated
on the message.

I was standing
At the end of my rainbow
Nowhere to go
And no pot of gold in sight

All my wishes
Were just way too much to hope for
But when I saw you
I knew I'd seen the light

And not a moment too soon
Without a minute to spare
You touched my heart
When I didn't have a prayer
In my darkest hour
With my world filled with gloom
Your sweet love saved me
Not a moment too soon

I used to think
That love would never find me
And the one who cares was lost somewhere in time
But when you found me
I knew I'd found forever
You rescued me just before I crossed the line

And not a moment too soon
Without a minute to spare
You touched my heart
When I didn't have a prayer
In my darkest hour
With my world filled with gloom
Your sweet love saved me
Not a moment too soon

Your sweet love saved me
Not a moment too soon

Not a moment too soon*

During the song, Justin moved like liquid sex, arousing Lance until
he was being devoured by desire and all conscious thought fled.  He
started to stand and strip but Justin stopped him.  "Wait."

Justin knelt in front of him and unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned and
unzipped the slacks, just as he had a thousand other times before
Lance.  But as the song repeated, he needed Lance to know that this
was different, unique, that the love that was expressed in every
movement was real and forever.

He slipped Lance's slacks off and tugged at his boxers until there
was a small pool at his feet.  Justin pulled Lance down to the bed,
spreading his legs and flicking his cock once with his tongue.  Lance
was already hard and ready but Justin wanted to prolong everything
and before the hiss had left Lance's lips, Justin had moved on,
leaving Lance aching for his touch.

Justin licked everywhere, finding sensitive spots that Lance never
knew existed even after all this time of loving Justin.  He moved up
the inside of Lance's thighs and paid careful attention to each one,
teasing unmercifully as he brushed ever so lightly over Lance's cock.

When he stopped, Lance moaned and begged, "Please, Justin, please."
He had grabbed the sheets and balled them in his fists, knowing if he
touched Justin's head, he would rip his hair out in some sexual loss
of control.

Justin moved up to his chest, where his shirt was still neatly
buttoned, his tie only slightly loosened from the train ride home. 
Justin moved over Lance's lips and tore at the tie with his hands. 
His long, thin fingers quickly unbuttoned Lance's shirt even as their
tongues met in a battle for dominance.

He pushed the shirt aside and attacked the nipples that were already
hard and red, nipping to the point of pain.  When Lance groaned,
Justin went at them with renewed interest.  Lance was ready. Justin
knew it.  Later maybe they could draw it out, but if Justin didn't
move quickly, it would be all over, literally.

Justin straddled Lance.  The thin material was damp with Justin's own
precum.  "Take them off, Lance," he said, his voice a sexual treat by
itself.  Lance pulled and the string holding the bit of material
together came off and they fell, allowing Justin's erection to spring
free.

He leaned over and grabbed condom and lube.  "You or me?" Justin
asked holding the materials which Lance eagerly grabbed and worked
onto his lover. "Ready?"

Lance nodded, knowing that words were impossible, his breathing too
erratic to force any coherent ones out anyhow.  Justin entered him,
never taking his eyes off of Lance, wanting Lance to see the love
that swam in the blue depths.

The rhythm was their own, a sexual dance that they knew just as they
knew each other's likes and dislikes. It was amazing and Justin
managed to draw it out until they both exploded in the intense
fireworks of their orgasms.

They lay panting on the bed for a few minutes, letting their
breathing slow and their minds absorb the experience.  Justin rolled
toward Lance, who looked like a sated animal, sweaty and sleek.  "Was
it good?"

The same question, the one from a year ago.  Lance grinned, "I told
you then it was the best ever. I lied.  This was *positively* the
best sex I've ever had.  Of course, AJ...."

At first Justin looked hurt, but when Lance smiled, he knew he was
just getting payback and he grinned back.  "Well, if we're going
there..."

"No, we are so *not* going there.  Seriously, Justin, I love you, I
love making love with you, I love fucking you or being fucked by
you.  I even love you when we're not in bed."

"Same here," Justin said quietly.  "I picked that song because those
words could be from me to you.  All of them, but mostly `Your sweet
love saved me, Not a moment too soon'.  You keep me safe.  And I will
always love you.  Believe it."

He slid down into the protection of Lance's arms, arms that tightened
around him, promising forever back.

The End


* Not a Moment Too Soon by Tim McGraw.


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