Chapter 9 JC sat in art class and daydreamed about Lance and him together.  He knew that Lance wouldn't be able to put up with Justin's increasing neediness forever and JC was just the guy to be there to comfort him as the relationship shredded. The plan was in place.  AJ and Kevin were going to take every opportunity when Justin was around to chat up some kid, making it seem as if they were talking about him.  Given Justin's paranoia about being outed, his stress would begin a chain reaction, starting with class and ending with Lance.  Meanwhile, JC would be the loving brother, purportedly supporting Justin, all the while stoking his fears. Mommy dearest would predictably do her part, beating on him emotionally over his grades, adding her bit to the golden boy's fall. JC could see it now.  Less and less Lance, more and more arguments between them, orchestrated by himself, until the coup de grace.  He even had the kid picked out.  But Justin had a ways to go before he was ready for that. At lunch, he made sure that Justin saw him with Lance again.  He loved the pained look on Justin's face as Lance turned away, still pissed from the morning's incident.  The hurt switched to anxiety moments later when Justin caught sight of Kevin this time.  God, it was so easy. "Whatcha looking at?" Lance asked. "Nothing interesting.  Listen, I gotta go.  Choir practice.  Geez," he added as a supposed afterthought, "Justin and Britney are so good together.  Close, you know?" He looked at Lance's face, alive with suspicion, and said, "Just music.  I think." And then he was gone.  Lance worried his lip.  No, he thought, Justin is gay, not bi.  He told me.  He told me there's nothing between them.  But when he scanned the room, there they were, laughing and talking and Justin wasn't even trying to make eye contact with him. All thoughts of last night were gone, wiped away by the wave of anger that swept over Lance.  Shit, the needy little shit, what the hell am I doing with him?  He's a ton of work, for what?  He wished seriously that he could just ditch the younger boy, not care about hurting him.  Or himself, he thought, as he acknowledged that he *did* love Justin.  He just wasn't sure that he had what would be required to keep this relationship, if that's what it was, alive. Justin let himself be cheered up by Britney's lightness and sense of fun.  He wished he could have that with Lance, but it always seemed to be issues lately, *his*  issues, his *fucked-up* issues.  He caught a glimpse of Lance's angry expression as he left the cafeteria.  Shit, even Britney couldn't make that image go away. By the end of the day, Justin had a ton of homework, today's *and* last night's and there would be no excuses accepted this time.  There was no way he could go to Lance's tonight and he wasn't looking forward to explaining.  He planned the conversation over and over in his head, the scenario always ending with Lance pissed and Justin tearfully apologizing. His thoughts were banished at practice and he relaxed until he saw AJ and Kevin whispering.  When they shot a look his way, he paled and caught the gasp before it came out.  His timing was off from then on and the coach had to yell at him more than once. It enraged JC when he saw the coach put his arm around Justin's shoulder and ask what was wrong.  No one ever did that for him, even as a child, when his mother was there, before she ditched his abusive father and him as well.  But as usual, no one could see the inner turmoil, only the pleasant smiling face that he showed to everyone. Justin brought up his fears in the car.  "JC, I know you're good friends with AJ and Kevin.  You didn't say anything to them, did you?" "I say lots of things to them, Justin," the sarcastic tone evident. "I mean about...me....being gay and all," Justin said, put off by the tone, but desperate to get an answer. "I told you I wouldn't.  Why would you ask that?" "I saw them whispering at practice and talking to other kids." "Whoa.  And why is it about *you*?  Man, they do talk.  Everything isn't about you, Justin," JC said. Justin had flinched at the comment, doubts about what he had seen replacing the gut feeling that had been there.  JC's hurtful words found their mark.  Justin was convinced it was his ego talking. The phone call to Lance was as difficult as he thought it would be. Lance *was* pissed.  "What the fuck, Justin.  Are you avoiding me, like this morning, like at lunch?" "No, Lance, no.  I really have to catch up.  I didn't get anything done last night." "Why not?" Lance asked in a clinical voice. "After JC told me that Kevin overhead two random guys wondering about you and me, I couldn't concentrate." The silence was solid.  Lance bit his lip to hold back the sarcastic comments that came to mind— along the lines of get over it, come out already.  This wouldn't be a problem if Justin weren't so scared.  Lance ran his hands through his hair, trying to calm himself. "Lance, please, don't be mad." "When, Justin, when are you going to have the balls to tell people? Is that what that shit this morning was about?  You were scared?" "Yes," he whispered.  It wasn't even possible to go over the same ground again.  He was too tired and too stressed. "Fine, see you in school tomorrow," Lance said.  Lance wasn't going to fix Justin again.  He knew what Justin wanted, reassurance that everything was okay, but he couldn't say that.  Things were getting too far out of control. "OK.  I love you, Lance." "I love you, too," Lance said, but it didn't sound real. Justin did study.  He shut out everything and lost himself in the work that always provided a reliable escape.  The next day, he woke with a new resolve— not to be so afraid, to face his fears. He found Lance in the cafeteria and hurried over to apologize. "Lance, I'm sorry about yesterday.  Everything.  Let me make it up tonight?" Lance studied his lover.  He wasn't sure if he wanted to keep dancing, but when he looked at Justin, he was amazed at how sexual the boy was without even trying and his dick said yes, definitely yes.  His head, the one above his neck, reluctantly agreed and he heard himself saying, "Sure, call me later." Justin wasn't relieved because Lance's expression said things were still all wrong but at least it was a step in the right direction and Justin held onto that for the rest of the day. When he stepped into Lance's room that night, he wasn't sure what to expect so he was happy when he found a smiling Lance who had decided that sex with Justin was worth putting up with his shit. "Hey, sexy," Lance said.  And he meant it.  He stared at the younger boy, tight jeans and t-shirt outlining his body.  Lance's dick was definitely taking notice and he motioned Justin to the bed. Justin removed his shirt as he crossed the room and paused briefly to finish undressing, standing naked next to Lance.  Lance reached out and touched Justin, circling the soft skin of Justin's dick with his fingertips.  Justin gasped and moved onto the bed, waiting for Lance to remove his clothes as well. When they were both naked, Justin leaned into Lance and kissed one square inch of skin after the other.  Lance lay back, enjoying the touch of Justin's lips, letting him move over his body, delivering pleasure with his light, airy kisses.  Lance ran his hand over Justin's back, making small circles, moving  up and down, exciting him when he went lower, brushing his sac or swirling his fingers around the head of his dick, leaking pre-cum, making it slick. "Tonight?" Justin whispered, raising his head from where he had been licking Lance's nipple.  Lance agreed, wanting to regain the closeness that seemed to be slipping away.  Maybe sex was the answer.  Even if it wasn't, what the hell, it felt fucking great. Justin gasped when Lance grasped his erection firmly and gave it a few hard strokes, making sure Justin was ready.  Justin rolled onto his back and Lance frowned, "I thought...." "No.  Please, Lance." Lance shrugged and got out the lube and slicked himself and his fingers before inserting one into Justin.  He sensed the discomfort and stopped, waiting for Justin to relax and when he felt the muscle loosen, he added another finger. Lance was operating on automatic, his mind forming bizarre thoughts, like how easy it would be to hurt Justin and how Justin always seemed to leave himself open for it.  He looked down at that trusting face though and he felt guilty.  He almost lost that trust the other night.  He wouldn't do anything like that again, no matter how tempting Justin made it. Justin was fully relaxed by the time Lance concentrated on what he was doing again and he was watching Lance's face, trying to read his expression.  Lance smiled, "Ready, baby?" Justin nodded and Lance entered him, the hot tightness sending delicious shivers through him.  Justin made a little mewing sound and Lance stopped moving.  He wanted it to be good for Justin and when he felt him relax again, he started to thrust slowly, in and out, until he hit Justin's spot and he heard the gasp of pleasure. Justin gripped his erection and started to stroke himself, matching Lance's movements, speeding up, both of them breathing raggedly and moaning as they got closer to the edge.  Justin wanted them to come together so he let go of himself and let the friction of their bodies finish him off.  Justin came in a burst of pleasure, spraying thick cum between them as Lance continued to drive into him, coming himself moments later, God's name taken in vain. They pulled apart and Lance rolled off to get a towel, returning from the bathroom wiping Justin's cream off of him and then gently cleaning his lover as well.  When he was finished, he lay next to Justin and leaned up on one elbow.  "Good?" "Always," Justin said, putting the other night into a locked part of his mind. Lance wanted to talk, straighten out what was going on between them but when he started to speak, Justin silenced him with a kiss, "Not tonight, okay?" And Lance let it go, choosing the fake peace for that moment. continue menu