Some the the best movies are the worst!!!!!
Not necessarily because the film-maker intended them to be so either. Sometimes movies are so bad, its a test of oneself just to be able to watch the entire thing. Bad acting, bad dubbing, inane writing and cheesy fake visual effects can make a bad movie just plain hilarious.....
This page is dedicated to those movies, I'll try to add one once and a while or as time allows.......
Yes, I'm actually updating my page!!
One of the first things I did was go through the links to see if any where dead and I found something that saddened me a little. One of the Online places I had dealt with in the past, one that had provided me with a few of my coolest of the cool videos like BRAWLING BROADS, had folded up shop. BLACKEST HEART MEDIA is no more! At least no more videos, they still sell Rotten Cotton T-SHirts.
So anyway, this concerned me a little because they had a few videos that no place else seemed to have. And one of these videos is one of the ultimate Party Tapes that has ever been made. That video is:
TARD SPASM
I'm including this video in THE WORST OF THE WORST, even though it's status as one of the best Party Videos ever made is legendary, because it is essentially just a home movie and also because some people, like my girlfriend for example, consider it just a excercise in bad taste.
If you've never heard of it, that's not exactly surprising. It's a pretty obscure thing and as I stated, I think, with the exception of Taping Trading, the only place to find it was Blackest Heart Media. If you have heard of it, you are likely in one of two schools of thought about it. Either you are the sort that likes to laugh at retards and listen to crappy heavy metal, in which case you love this, or else you are the sort who think laughing at the mentally disabled is morally wrong and are whole heartedly offended by it.
What this is is a home movie type video made when the worst Metal band in the world Gob Stopper plays for a Christmas Party for the Children's Haven School in Sarasota, Florida. Children's Haven is a school for the mentally disabled.
How this came about is not explained, and if anyone out there knows, please,please let me know. I'm so curious! I imagine the organizers of the party had no idea what sort of band Gob Stopper was, or else, Gob Stopper volunteered because they wanted the practice in front of an audience or else because maybe one of them had some community hours to fulfill. In any case, the result is like when the two dudes bump and mix their chocalate with their peanut butter.
Now the music, by most peoples standards is crap. But to it's defense, I used to play with my friends when I was a young lad and we sounded no better, plus the fact that camcorders don't make for great sound recording anyway. Sure you can't understand a word, but you can bang your head to it, if fact you'll want to bang your head too it, you'll NEED too...
As for the Tards, er mentally disabled, there are quite a few characters. And they will make you laugh.
Now here is where the dilemma and the reason I've never reviewed this great video before comes. Sure its funny to see this, and sure it's exploitive to laugh at others, and there is a certain amount of cognitive dissonence involved in watching this (unless you do enjoy laughing at retards), but I tell you true, if you seriously watch this and give it a chance, that feeling will go away and you will feel that you are no longer laughing at them, but laughing with them...because I'll tell you true, these people (well most of them anyway) had a truly fun time, maybe even the best time of their lives.
As the music blares, you will see the handicap transform into the handican! These people just rock and rock! Sure there are a couple bad apples who just don't appreciate the music and have a flip, but you can't kill Rock! And the music goes on. Even some who were die hard Backstreet Boys fans become metal heads before your very eyes. One young lad gets up with the band and sings, and if I were Gob Stopper, Id get him in the band. After the music is over and the clean up begins, the band and camera does some interviewing with the party. These people dont get the name special for no reason
So I guess what I'm saying is, if you think it's fun to laugh at retards, this is the Ultimate video for you. But it is also an excercise in humanity. It's a view into these people, and you will see, they are not so different than us, They can party, and they can take pride in the things they do, they have feelings and can love and above all they can appreciate truly bad heavy metal music performed live! After all it was christmas, the time of miracles.
As I write this and watch Tard Spasm, I wonder what has become the these people. Did Gob Stopper go on to play local bars? Who did Children's Haven have play next Christmas and did they hold an audition first? Who did the girl in the yellow dress go home with? It would be interesting to see them all now!
So you are probably asking, where can I get this video, now that Blackest Heart is gone? We'll I'm not really sure, I guess they likely sold quite a few copies so you might be able to find it on peoples Trade-Lists. I understand there are a few DVD copies HERE!!!
