Going through your past yearbooks you will find out how many people you used to talk to, you no longer have contact with. Some of the people you hung out the most with, you don’t even know where they are or what they do. You learn that you have outgrown the way of thinking that your group of friends or clique had formed. You finally realize that you didn’t have as many friends as you thought; all you had been mere acquaintances.
One time a girl wasn’t getting along well with the students in her class. She thought the kids were the problem while all along it was her. Her problem was that she thought that a girl was criticizing her and making the other students laugh at her. The girl was just complementing her. The girl thinking that people were talking about her became very defensive. Words exchanged and the two fought. When the girl found out that the other girl was just complementing her she felt horrible. As time went by the two became buddies then friends then best friends.
Some friendships have a rocky start while others start smoothly. People who are friends sometimes have similar things in common. When you’re too similar it can be a problem. While at the same time if you’re too different you won’t have enough to keep the friendship going. Every person at one point struggled to make friends. Whether you made good or bad friends is the question.
You have many friends but real friends are hard to find. Real friends are people who accept you for who you are and support you in whatever you do. From your friends you learn different ways of thinking and living. Your friends give you good times and memories. Your friends give you the time you need to release you stress.
A friend is somebody you can talk to. A person you can trust with your secrets. The person you could be around and let yourself go. A friend is a person you know will be loyal and someone that you love. Friendship is relationships were we attach ourselves to people personally and culturally.
When you look for a friend you look for that person you can trust. When you find that person you know they will never judge you. You know the person will always be there for you and you can always count on them. Someone who could bring a smile to your face whenever you feel down and be the same person who’s going to bring you chicken noodle soup when you are sick.
Your real friends should offer constructive criticism and you should try to accept it. They are only looking out for you. In Graham Allen’s book Friendship: Developing a Sociological Perspective states,
“The solidarity that exists between friends is not based solely on sociability and enjoyment, but entails a willingness to provide emotional and practical support as need arises, without heed to self-interest.”(104)
You and your friends should keep each other on point. Give each other the encouragement or criticism needed for that particular moment.
Throughout your high school years and even in your adult life you notice that people you consider friends, do things that you now consider immature. The reason why you were apart of it was because of loyalty. In high school everyone had their clique, the mean girls, the jocks, and the popular crew. Everyone had their own people to be around. So if one person from the group had a problem with someone the whole group had a problem with that particular person.
There are two types of loyalty, the good loyal and the bad loyal. Good loyal is when you are always there for your friends, no matter if its good or bad. When you see that your friend is falling or going down the wrong road you try to help them to stay on the straight path. Bad loyal is when you know your friend is falling or doing something wrong and you allow yourself to fall with them. Doing whatever your friend is doing regardless if it is right or wrong.
Remember when you were a child having friends was easy. Everybody in your class was your friend. You didn’t have to worry about if you were liked by the people in your school. Now living in an age where people don’t like each other for any good reason, no wonder why so many people are on talk shows talking about they were teased.
Trust is also another major part of friendship. In many friendships either someone breaks the trust or someone feels the trust has been broken. When you find someone that you trust will your innermost secrets you have found something special. Many people go through life looking for that friend. People find in their mother, spouse, significant other, and in relatives. It’s hard to find friends you can trust. When you have money you will have all the friends you want. But as soon as the money disappears you know that your friends will soon disappear too.
The main reason why people have friends is so that they could have somebody to gossip with. If you think about it what friends mainly talk about is what going on in their life or the people around. The reason why you have friends is so that you will have someone to sympathize with, knowing that others will only empathize with you. Plus you know that your friends will be there to listen to you when you ramble on about your boyfriend/baby daddy.
You remember the times when you were with your friends and the little things made you laugh and your mom would ask “Why are you girls always giggling?” Something about being around good people gives you the feeling of comfort. When you are around the same people you connect and form a bond that at the time you feel is unbreakable.
Your friends actually help develop who you are as a person. Whatever you go through with your friends help you to see things in a different perspective. In a journal article by William M. Bukowski The Relations between Friendship Quality, Ranked-Friendship Preference, and Adolescents’ Behavior with Their Friends states
The underlying assumption is that positive or negative experiences within a friendship may not only be differentially related to emotional well-being but also to positive or negative types of social cognition and behavioral interaction with others in general.
How your friends treat you can have a lasting impact on how you view people. When one of your friends takes advantage of you or does something to hinder the friendship you may also think that other people will do the same to you. If your friends treat you one way you might expect others to do the same, not realizing your friends care and random people don’t.
When you think about it many you probably don’t even remember some of the kids you went to school with. You only remember the good times, the things that hurt you and the cliques that were formed. As you grew older you know that you don’t have to look for friends, friends come to you.
Have you ever thought “Where is Sam from elementary or How’s Shan from high school? No because you have already become your own person and you don’t have to live at the same pace as your friends. In the book Friendships: Developing a Sociological Perspectives Graham Allen says
Not only do our friends help to provide us with our sense of identity, but they also confirm our social worth. Thus, we tend to think of people with lots of friends as most likely to be happy and those without as often lonely and unfortunate. (156)
Once your friends make you feel important, you just use them for laughs and company.
Everyday you hear about a child who wanted to be apart of the popular crew. Even though they knew that what those kids do are wrong. The need to feel important was all that they where thinking about. There are kids who are loners and want friends, while there are people with lots of friends who wish they didn’t have as many. The fewer friends you have the less money you have to spend on Christmas and on birthdays.
How you approach people can depict how many friends you have. If you act “stank” or act as if you are better than people you won’t be popular in the friend department. Nobody will care you feel included or accepted. You will be treated like that old textbook in the classroom collecting dust. Be careful of that first impression because if you come off as that obnoxious person you will always be remembered as that obnoxious person. If you are that type of person don’t ever expect to have any respect because if you can’t respect regular people how can you expect them to respect you.
Adult friends are more trifling than your friends you had in your younger years. Wondering if they are using you for what you have or using you to get what they want. You are better off without some friends. Some friends get you into situations that you can’t get out of. While at the time you think it is all fun and games, then when it’s over you can’t believe the result. When you start to be around a particular person or group of people, you should keep your guard up because you never know what the other person is thinking.
Not all friends are good for you. There was a girl named Lee that met a girl named Kimora in high school. Lee thought Kimora was the coolest, so she decided to become friends with her. Throughout their friendship Kimora introduced Lee into sex and drugs. She started cutting school, lying to her parents and to her other friends. She started to become a bully, putting people down for no reason. She thought it was fine because Kimora had accepted her and everyone else thought she was somebody important. When Kimora got Lee into a fight, she finally started to realize that this girl wasn’t so cool after all.
Your friends influence your thinking. At times there maybe things you want to do but don’t because you are afraid of what your friends may think. You might even have a friend that you don’t care what they think because you really don’t care about them. In Friendship Quality by Mara Brendgen, she states “Friendship quality has been found to moderate the influence of friends' behavior on adolescents' adjustment such that the friend is not influential when friendship quality is low.” If your friends just because you have known each other for a while doesn’t mean their feelings will influence you.
When your so close to someone they become more than your friend, they become your family. Your liking for the person has grown into love. Your friend has been around for so long that your mom is calling them their son or daughter. Your friends are there for emotional support. To know that it’s somebody there to make you laugh and smile. Your friends make you feel better; they stick up for you when others try to put you down. They make you feel included.
From your friends you learn different things. You learn how to play games, jump rope, and speak in a secret code. You learn those hand games like Miss Mary Mat and Tweet Baby. You learn jump rope games and songs. You learn to speak in code so that only you and your friends know what you are saying. You also learn how to do different dances, sing different songs. You learn how to dress and do your hair. You also learn how to pick up guys or girls.
Lillian Rubin in her book Just Friends says,
Thus generally it’s true that friends accept each other so long as they both remain essentially the same as they where when they met, or change in similar directions. If they change or grow in different or incompatible ways the friendship is most likely will be lost.(106)
Not all friendships last. Friendships end because of change. The people involved in the friendship may have a change in personality or lifestyle. Some friendships fade because the person may have moved away. Arguments are another reason why friendships fade. Many friendships fail because of lack of communication and attention. Also there might be expectations that they had for one another that weren’t met. The most popular reason what friendships end is change.
Another problem with friendship is communication; one friend may have something to tell his or her friend but may not know how to without getting them upset. A person might not know how to apologize after a fight. A friendship also ends when someone feels left out.
There are different types of friends out there. There is the user, the person who is on your friend because they can use you for their own personal benefit. The betrayer, the person who acts like your friend then turns around and betrays you. The control freak, the one who is your friend as long as they could tell you what to do. The judgmental friend is the one who complains and could find a fault with everything. The promise breaker, the one who says they are going to do something but never seems to do it. The gossiper, the one who is always talking about and will eventually talk about you. The self-centered friend cares too much about themselves to even take the time to care about you. The competitor is the one that has to do better than you. Then there is the leaner, the very needy friend. You know the one that is always there.
Having friends is like having another job or child. You have to call them to make sure they are alright. Then there are those friendship rules you have to follow. You know not talking to somebody if your friend doesn’t like them. To wait for them after school and sharing whatever you have with them. Then you can’t always talk first then pretend to listen like you sometimes do to other people. You have to be able to cooperate and be able to compromise.
After you find friends, you have to know how to keep them. You should always listen to what your friends have to say. Never betray the trust you and friend have grown throughout your friendship. Support them in what they do. Never become jealous of your friends success.
You should always treat your friends as if you wanted to be treated. If they tell you a secret, keep it if they wanted other people to know they would have. Pay attention to them; let them know their importance to you everyone once in a while. Whatever promises you make to them keep it. Always tell the truth even if you think that it will hurt your friend because in the long rum they will be glad you didn’t lie. Don’t forget to share; no one wants a stingy friend.
Your real friends encourage, support, and guide you. They help you to maintain yourself. Whatever drama or celebration you go through your friends should be there with you. You may have many friends but real friends are hard to find. So use good judgment when picking your real friends.
