"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so you apologize for the truth." This quaotation can apply to my life in the sense that I get angry and frustrated about having to take care of my brothers and sisters so much. Some days I cry because I feel like it's a lot of work due to the fact that I have to do it a majority of the time. I feel overwhelmed and I just want to ignore their needs and crys for attention and do my own thing. However, then I feel guilty because I know that my mother isn't around and they need me. Then when I pray I feel like I have to apologize to God for feeling this way at all. Everywhere I go people say that I 'have to' take care of them because they're my siblings and that my mother is busy and that I should hlp her in that way. Everyone around me finds every way to make me seem as if I'm in the wrong and give justification to my mother's emotional abandonment.
It may sound like an exaggeration to others when I say that my mother is emotionally absent, however, physically there but it is true. Then when I tell this to people and say things about her that others consider mean and disrespectful, I feel like I must apologize for thinking and feeling that way. I know what I feel is a reaction to what I go through everyday when I'm home. The fact is that nobody else sees it the way I do. So when I show what I'm feeling through words and my personal writings, people look at me in a different way, which I sometimes immediately respond to with an apology even though I feel no regret over the feeling.
