THE SUNSHINE IN MY LIFE
"Is it okay if I write a letter to Grandma and put it next to the flowers you bought for her grave, ma? I want to tell her how I feel since I didn't get a chance to before." "Sure," my mom responded."I think she'll like that." Dear Grandma. . .
Before I could even write another word, tears rolled off my face onto the paper, forming a blue sea of ink. My parents were in their bedroom getting dressed for the second memorial service. It was New Year's Day. The first New Year's we ever spent without Her. We had to pick up my Aunt before we headed for the cementary. You see my Aunt was the one who lived in the house with Her and who found Her the day of Her passing. Walking back into Her house again was like walking into a dark hallway. I didn't know what to expect. The Mother's Day card with my poetry in it sat on the coffee table. The walls of the kitchen still held the scent of Her soul food cooking. I missed Her. In an instant, my mind went back to the day I heard the news. . .
I rushed home from a long day at school. It was about 6:00 in the evening. As I opened the door, I could hear my bed calling me. I couldn't give in, though. I had homework to do. Suddenly, something came to me. Where's mom? She usually tells me when she's gonna be late. My heart dropped. Ten minutes later, my mom, brother, and "Aunt" Kim entered the door. Their expressions looked as if they've seen a ghost. "Aunt" Kim came over to me slowly and said the words I hate to hear:
"There's something I need to tell you."
We sat down on the couch. My body trembled with fear.
"Sweetie, your Grandma passed away this morning."
At first I thought it was a joke. I talked to her yesterday! She was a healthy, on-the-move woman. How could she die? I was in shock. No, denial.
I didn't go to school for the rest of the week. My parents, my brother and I went over to my Grandma's house to help my aunt with the funeral arrangements and call family members. Grandma was part of a large family. She used to live down south for a good portion of her life with Her other 12 siblings. Much of the family attempted to stop their lives and come up to New York to say goodbye.The funeral was in three days.
The day of the wake, my mother came to me and asked me if I would like to contribute something to the funeral service. Since my brother was doing the programs to hand out, I felt I should write a poem. The poem was used as a rememberance of Her existance...
Servant to the Father,
An elite member the gospel truth,
Warm touch made the day complete,
Smile worth a thousand words.
Birds sing her sweet melody,
Murals painted across the sky,
Food a treasure from her soul,
Never afraid to speak her mind...
The day of the funeral, my parents, my brother, and I dressed in traditional mourning colors and drove to Brooklyn to the church. The service was beautiful. She would have been delighted to know the amount of people who came to see her. That's what I loved about Her. She gave to others and never expected anything in return. The pastor preached and the choir sang Her favorite gospel song:
Precious Lord,
Take my hand,
Lead me on,
Let me stand. . .
After coming home from the cemetary, the family went back to my Grandma's house to eat. No matter what happens, that house will always be Her house. You can taste the sweet smelling aroma coming from the kitchen. Food was still left in the fridge and the vegetables were blooming in the backyard. I thought this was a sign.
The food was delicious. Before all the male members of the family went to watch the basketball game on T.V., my father's uncle pulled me over and said:
"You know what. We all gonna be all right. Grandma's not dead. She will always be alive and with us."
To this day, those words are imbedded in my head. Whatever I do and wherever I go I see her smiling down on me. She always wanted me to achieve in anything I did. She deemed education as the a key to life. Unfortunately, she didn't get a chance to finish her schooling. In a way, I feel I won't be the only one graduating from school this June. She would be there on stage with her cap and gown receiving her diploma beside me.
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