Alex

I really don't know where to begin. My life has completely changed. I feel like it has come to an end. I don't feel the same about too many things anymore. Today I've been trying to be my normal self, you know put on a front. Which really isn't me. No one can understand where I'm coming from. I wish you were here. Why did you have to go. I don't know how to go on without you. I've never been so weak in my life. You brought out a side in me I never knew I had. All of these years I had to be strong. Strong for me, Grandma, Precious, and Yusuf. At my weakest points you were there for me. Who do I have now? You saved my life. I really wish I could have saved yours. I wish I could have said good-bye. You Know good-bye is forever. And you are gone forever and I couldn't even say it. I couldn't even say I love you. I don't want to sound selfish, but did you think about anyone else. Did you take us into consideration. Consider that we love. Man must be destroyed. What made you take your own life. I really wish it could have been me. Why you?

Today is a new day. I made it a whole week without you. You know that grandma would say for every life taken God giveth a new.I know you heard that LV is having a baby. I'm so happy for her. She is like my bestfriend.(I had to tell someone). She hasn't told anyone so far except me and another girl. I told her that she has my support 100%. I'm gonna have a godchild. Praise God in his highest. We are truely blessed. How is heaven?(ha!ha!ha!). I know it must be lovely. I want to be there just because I know you're there, kinda like when we young. My Momma said I'll meet you at the crossroads. I pray to God every night for him to forgive you. Being that you are looking down I hope that you're satisfied with my everyday decisions.

Alex this is a new year. I have decided to build, not a new me but me. I have came to turns that you are gone forever. I have to make me happy this year it's all about me. Starting next week I'll be on the road to happiness. I really wish you were here. I need answers to a lot of questions. I feel completely lost. Have you ever been in a room full of people and feel like the room is empty. I feel like that everyday. I am so alone. I love you.