REAFFIRMATION

By Tracy Thurman

Author's note: This was written right after "Coda" aired, and was my very
first attempt at fanfic. Two things: One, this was written as if J/C were
involved before the events of "Coda" occurred, and Two, it was written as if
Chakotay could recall all that happened on the planet. Since the episode
itself was rather fuzzy on that point, I took it that he did recall trying
to revive Kathryn. Any and all feedback is welcome, but again, please be
gentle, I am the wimp of all wimps.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns these characters, as do the wonderful actors who
bring them to life. Paramount also owns all of "Voyager", "Star Fleet" ,
"Star Trek" et al. No copyright infringement intended. No profit was or ever
will be made on the following.

_____________________________________________________________

There were few moments in life, Chakotay reflected, when one could say they
were perfectly happy. Complete. At this moment, he was. Here, in her
quarters, holding a sleeping Kathryn in his arms.

Kathryn.

He'd nearly lost her the day before on that dammed planet when the entity
had invaded her mind.

He stroked her long, unbound hair and silently thanked the gods for the
warmth of her body against his, the soft sound of her peaceful breathing,
and the steady pulse that beat beneath the spot where his fingers rested
against her throat.

Earlier, they'd shared a wonderful moonlight cruise on a holodeck sailboat,
sharing a bottle of champagne. Real champagne, not the replicated stuff or
synthahol. They'd carefully avoided discussing the events of the day before,
keeping any conversation light. Actually, he realized, they hadn't said much
at all, quietly enjoying the scene around them, relaxing in each other's
arms.

Afterward, he'd walked her back to her quarters, allowing the door to swish
shut behind them before taking her in his arms. He reached up to release her
hair from its confines, threading his fingers through it as it fell. He'd
then covered her mouth with his, tasting the faint flavor of the wine that
still clung to her lips. After a moment, he pulled back to study her face.
Noticing the faint bluish smudges that remained beneath her eyes, he'd
asked, "Kathryn, are you sure? The doctor said...." She'd pressed her
fingers to his lips, silencing him. Then, tilting his head down to hers,
gently resting forehead to forehead, nose to nose, she simply said, "I'm
fine. Stay with me", and took his hand to lead him toward her bed.

Despite her reassurance, he'd fully intended to take things slow, be gentle
with her, but once he had her in his arms, once he touched her, he found
himself experiencing an overwhelming sense of urgency. Greedy to touch every
inch of her, with his hands, his mouth, his body. Wanting to ensure she was
truly there, truly safe. Kathryn had returned his passion until eventually,
inevitably, sleep had claimed them.

Chakotay had awakened soon after, still feeling the need to watch over her,
he supposed. During their stay on New Earth he had told her the truth under
the guise of the story of the "Angry Warrior". He had found peace with her.
This coming together, *their* coming together, had taken some time to
develop. Now that friendship and loyalty had grown into something more
intimate, he realized that he was truly incomplete without her.

One of her hands lay relaxed on his chest. Careful not to disturb her, he
lifted it and brought it gently to his mouth, pressing the fingers against
his lips for a moment before carefully returning it to its resting place.

He closed his eyes for a moment, just to savor being with her, and suddenly
a loud crack of thunder startled them open again. Lightning, or something
very like it, flashed overhead. It was the magnetic storm. He realized that
although he still held Kathryn in his arms, it was her lifeless body he now
held. They were once again on the planet, the wrecked shuttlecraft behind
them, a strong wind whirling about them. No. Not this. That wonderful,
peaceful scene had all been an illusion, just another illusion. Kathryn's
rescue and recovery had all been just a dream. Heart pounding, he lay her on
the ground and ran his tricorder over her, knowing what he'd find. No life
signs. Nothing.

He began CPR on her once again. Alternately covering her mouth to breathe
for her with chest compressions. No response. He tried his communicator
again, trying to contact Voyager, but it was silent.

"Kathryn! Kathryn, please! Don't die on me! Kathryn! Don't leave me!" He
continued the chest compressions, refusing to believe it was useless. He
repeatedly shouted her name, hoping to make contact with any tiny spark of
life left in her, begging her to stay with him, to fight. He closed his
eyes, feeling the moisture in them, and said a silent prayer for her.

"Chakotay!" He opened his eyes to see a concerned Kathryn leaning over him,
her hair forming a curtain around them, and realized he was once again in
her quarters, the ship's engine's thrumming beneath them. "It was a dream.
Just a dream", she kept repeating as she stroked his cheek, searching his
face for signs of comprehension. Silently pulling her close, he buried his
face in her hair. "I thought I'd lost you again" he murmured, his voice
husky with remembrance.

She pushed herself up on her forearms to look into his face. "Uh uh. Can't
get rid of me that easily." Her smile faded when he didn't return it.
Sighing softly, she framed his face with her hands and gazed deeply into his
eyes as if searching for something. She kissed him sweetly on the mouth,
pulling back again to look into his eyes. She then leaned down and kissed
him soundly on the chin, smiling at him briefly before moving down to press
several incredibly soft, warm kisses against his throat, his shoulder, his
chest, and he felt the beginnings of response go through his body in a wave.

"Kathryn..." he began, but she moved up to cover his mouth with hers,
interrupting him. "Just trying to reassure you that I'm really here. That
*we're* really here" she amended. Justification. He smiled then, and his
hold on her tightened.

After a moment he said "Oh, I see. Well, you know, I think I'm going to need
a *LOT* of convincing." His smile grew when he felt, as well as heard, her
low, husky chuckle somewhere in the vicinity of his ear.

He sighed, once again silently acknowledged the spirits, and turned his head
to capture her lips with his.

The End

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