Things with Justin moved pretty slowly for the next two weeks. I had plenty of vacation time saved up and I took an open ended vacation/leave of absence. I couldn’t handle the thought that Justin would be alone. So I arranged my life accordingly and now he wouldn’t be.

I’m sitting next to his bed. It’s become my second home now, this chair and this room. I find myself talking to him a lot when no one else is around. Who knew I had so many things to tell him? So much that I wanted to say. Gus is here every morning and every afternoon. He comes straight from school and sits with me and talks.

I’m starting to think his morning visit is just for Justin and the afternoon visit is to see me. He brings me things every day, coffee, a magazine, or newspapers. He’s a great kid and I know I’m damn lucky to have him.

Melanie and Lindsay seem to be spending more time here than that damn schedule Melanie told me about. They’re here every day as well, sometimes coming separately and other times showing up together. Emmett, Ted, and Michael have even put in an extra appearance this week.

I can’t help but wonder if they’re here for Justin or for me. I seem to be getting a lot of their attention and I don’t want it. I just want Justin to wake up and speak. The doctor explained that this was completely normal behavior. Not a reflex this time, but his actual awakening. He told me that Justin would be in and out of consciousness. He was right. At first his eyes would open only for a few minutes at a time followed by several hours of sleep. Gradually the ‘awake’ time would start to be longer and the sleep time somewhat shorter. As it was now he was averaging about a half an hour of consciousness to every four hours of sleep. He still hasn’t spoken, but I’ve felt him acknowledge my presence with the slight squeezing of his finger tips.

He’s asleep right now and he has been for twenty minutes. I yawn and close my eyes trying to grab a few minutes of sleep for myself. I hear the door open, but decide to feign sleep for now.

It’s Melanie and Lindsay. I hear Melanie shush Lindsay when she sees that I’m asleep too.

“God he must be exhausted.” Melanie whispered to Lindsay.

“Maybe we could convince him to go home for a little while to get some real sleep.” I can feel a blanket being placed over top of me.

“Like we’ve been trying to do everyday?”

“Well, it’s worked twice now hasn’t it?”

“He didn’t sleep. He went home and showered and was back within the hour.”

“Mel, it’s not healthy for him to be here constantly. He has to get away from it for a little while don’t you think?”

Even if I wanted to sleep now I couldn’t with their damn whispering. So I shift my weight in the chair and open my eyes. I yawn for effect and sit up staring at them.

“This is a hospital. Don’t you know you’re supposed to be quiet?” I ask them with a smirk on my face.

Lindsay seems to be hovering over me now. “Brian honey, why don’t you go home for a little while? Get some sleep; you’re not going to do Justin any good if you’re completely exhausted.”

I push the blanket off me and stand to stretch my legs. I look down at Justin and then over at her and Melanie.

“We’ll stay while you’re gone. He won’t be alone, I promise.”

“I could use a shower.” I said and turned my attention back to Justin.

Lindsay was up and ushering me toward the door.

“Then it’s settled. We’ll stay and you go take care of Brian for a little while. Please try to get a little sleep. Just lay down for an hour or so, okay?”

I nod but she knows I’ll be back before Justin wakes up again.

The ride home from the hospital takes too long. I begin to feel anxious and nearly turn the jeep around to go back before I even make it halfway there. Knowing that Lindsay will just usher me out again is the only thing that makes me keep going toward the loft.

Parking the jeep out front I enter the building and race up the stairs taking them two at a time. The quicker I shower and change, the sooner I’ll be back at the hospital. Upon opening the door I see Gus sitting on the floor, a mess of papers, markers, paints, and other miscellaneous supplies surrounding him.

“You’re supposed to be in school.” He looks up at me surprised.

“I have a good reason.” He’s no longer looking up at me; he’s busy drawing circles or something on one of the sheets of paper.

“I’m sure you do.” I notice all of the papers have some kind of pattern about them some with squares others just colors splashes in a similar shape.

“Clean up this mess. What the hell? Did your backpack explode? I’m going to take a shower. We talk as soon as I’m done. Don’t. Go. Anywhere.” The last three words are spoken slowly and forcefully so that he knows I’m serious.

Gus nods but continues working. I shower within record time and get dressed quickly before heading back out to see what Gus has to say for himself. Christ, he is having a mental breakdown. Here he is drawing and painting like he did when he was six years old.

I sit down on the sofa and Gus comes over and sits beside me. He’s looking at me trying to guess my mood. My only mood right now is ‘exhausted’ but I’m not sure that’s considered a mood. I’m tired as hell, but I know I can’t sleep.

Justin needs me. Someone had to take charge where he was concerned and no one else was getting the job done before I’d stepped in. I’ll sleep when he’s finally awake and aware of his surroundings, until then I can’t.

Gus needs me now too. He’s finally cracked and seems to be reverting back to a happier time and place in his life. The scene I’d walked in on, him in the floor drawing, coloring, and painting. It’s one I’d seen at least a hundred times before. From the time Gus could hold a crayon and scribble, Justin was always in the floor with him drawing. Every single time Gus stayed with us, when we lived together, I could count on finding them right in the same spot I’d found Gus today, laughing and creating when I’d get home from work.

I take a deep breath and push the memories away. Right now every memory is too close to the surface and I need to hold them back. I need to be the strong one. I have to fix everyone and make everything go back to normal.

“So why aren’t you at school?” I ask him quietly because I am after all; sure that he’s losing his grip on reality.

“Dad…” Now he’s talking to me in that same quiet tone, like he’s worried about me. “We all want Justin to get better right?”

I nod not sure where he’s going with this. Maybe it’s a tactic to get me to forget that he’s cutting classes and hiding out in my loft.

“Of course, but you skipping school isn’t going to help.”

“Yes it will.” He looks at me and smiles.

“What?” I can’t believe this. He thinks skipping school is going to make Justin well.

“Just listen to me, okay?”

I nod and throw my hands up, ready to hear his explanation.

“I’m listening.”

“I was doing some research for my history paper today at school. I was in the library checking some things out online.”

Okay he did actually go to school today. That’s a good sign.

“So I got done with my research early, and I still had half an hour left before my next class.” He takes a deep breath and watches me closely. “I did a search on brain injuries.”

I feel myself wince and let out a long breath. I’m fine with everything as long as we say, ‘Justin got hurt’ or ‘the accident’ but somehow those two words ‘brain injury’ send a knife through my gut.

He puts his hand on my shoulder.

“I know it’s going to take time for Justin to recover, but I read this article written by some doctor and what he said made a lot of sense.”

I raise my eyebrows wanting him to continue.

“Think about that hospital room. What’s the first thing that comes to mind?”

“White.” The walls, the sheets, and the blankets, everything is so sterile looking.

“Exactly Dad.” He’s smiling proudly now as if that explains it all.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about Justin. His eyes are open, but he’s not focusing on anything. There’s nothing TO focus on. That doctor in the article said that the brain is capable of so much, that even doctors don’t understand its full potential. That it’s possible for it to find new pathways to process information like it use to, but to do that, the brain has to be stimulated.”

I smile listening to him. He’s not cracking up, not losing his mind. He’s focusing on helping Justin and I think that just may be exactly what he needs to do.

“Keep going.” I tell him.

He stands up and begins holding up the pages he’s designed.

“The patterns and the colors they’ll stimulate his mind.”

He heads into the kitchen and grabs a box of crackers out of the cupboard. He opens it and starts munching on them while he lets me process all of this.

“Want some?” He asks holding them out toward me.

I shake my head and look down at the paintings Gus has done already. He’s back on the floor now and has the paint open once again. I get up and stand behind him, wondering if he just might be onto something here. I take the box of crackers and set it on the counter.

“You hungry?” He nods as he continues splattering paint all over the place.

I smile. He’s eating again, that’s a good sign.

“I’ll order some takeout.” I say as I pick up a menu.

“No Thai or Chinese.” He scrunches up his nose. “Get pizza.”

“Pepperoni with extra cheese?”

He nods as I place the call. After hanging up I find myself on the floor next to him and together we create pages upon pages of ‘art’ in hopes of stimulating Justin’s brain.