The straightforward approach isn’t always the best way to go about telling someone bad news. From the look on Gus’s face I possibly could have handled this better. It’s a mixture of fear and sorrow. He closes his eyes and just leans into me as I wrap my arms around him. He doesn’t say anything for a long time, neither of us does.

The sound of the telephone breaks our silence. I really don’t feel like talking to anyone right now.

“Let the machine get it.” I say when it looks as if Gus is going to get up to answer it. He gets up anyway and heads into the kitchen. I lean back and listen as my voice tells whoever it is to leave me a message.

“Brian. It’s Jennifer. Justin’s awake and I’ve explained everything to him. He knows the risk and he knows that he doesn’t really have a choice. I… I just wanted you to know…”

I pick up the phone before she finishes.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” She lets out a sigh.

“How did he take it?”

“You know Justin. He’s taking it better than we did.” She laughs nervously.

“That doesn’t surprise me.”

“Me either, really. Oh, and the doctor was back in a little while ago. He said everything is scheduled for Monday morning. He explained it all to Justin.”

“Monday? That soon?” I’m not sure why I’m surprised. I know they need to get inside of his head and take care of everything before the aneurysm ruptures.

“He said the sooner the better.” I nod as if she can see me.

“I know… um… are you in his room right now?”

“Yeah.”

“Is he awake?”

“He just went into the bathroom right before I called. Here he comes now.”

“Can I talk to him?”

“Yes of course. Hold on.” I hear her handing the phone over.

“Brian wants to talk to you.”

“Hey.” I smile slightly the moment I hear his voice. As he utters that one word I can picture the smile on his face.

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

“Okay.”

“That’s good. You really okay with everything? The surgery, I mean?”

“Yeah.” He does sound calm. I know I’d pick up on it if he were truly worried.

“Okay.” I can’t seem to think of anything else to say to him, but I don’t want to hang up the phone just yet. I listen to him breathe for a second before I hear him stifle a yawn.

“You’re tired. I’ll let you get some sleep.”

“Okay. You get some too.”

“I’ll try.” That’s the best I can do. “I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”

“Yeah.”

“Goodnight Justin.”

“Night.”

After I hang up the phone I just sit there holding it for awhile. Gus comes over and takes it out of my hands.

“So it’s Monday huh?”

“Yeah, looks like it.”

Gus nods and sits back down next to me. He turns the television on and flips through all of the channels twice before settling on an old movie that I’ve never even heard of. I’m not sure if he’s actually watching it or just trying to fill the loft with some kind of background noise. Halfway through the movie he looks over at me and the anguished look on his face mirrors how I’m feeling inside. I try to think of something to say to make him feel better, to make myself feel better, but I can’t get any words out.

“He’ll be fine.” Gus finds the words that I can’t and he’s trying to make me feel better.

“I know.” I don’t trust myself to say much more. I just lean my head back against the sofa and hold my breath.

“I told Mom I’d be home by eleven.” When I look up at him he seems conflicted. “I could call them…”

“I heard your little scene with them earlier. You better get your ass home and on time, before you cause Melanie’s ovaries to explode.”

He laughs and shakes his head.

“I really didn’t need that mental picture.”

I hear myself laughing and I groan.

“Me either.”

I get up off of the sofa and walk over to the door with him. He gives me a hug right before he leaves.

“I love you dad.” He whispers.

“You too.” I whisper back.

After he’s gone, I go into the kitchen to grab a random bottle of liquor. I find myself hours later still on the sofa. I’m actually coping with all of this after only pouring myself one glass. I decide to try taking Justin’s advice about getting some sleep. I leave the nearly empty glass on the coffee table as I head into the bedroom.

I lay their staring up at the ceiling drifting in and out of a fitful sleep for the next few hours. When I see the sun finally making an appearance through the window I get out of bed and head into the bathroom to take a shower.

Although I’ve tried to convince myself that Justin will be alright, I’ve also resigned myself to the fact that the only thing I can be confident in is that Justin will be around for the next twenty four hours. Anything after that will be a bonus. I step out of the shower. Taking a deep breath I try to send all negative thoughts to the back of my brain.

After a quick stop by the bakery, I enter Justin’s room. I’m surprised to find him alone again. He’s sitting in a chair that’s facing the windows. His sketchbook is out in front of him and he’s so absorbed in what he’s doing that he doesn’t hear me enter the room. I creep up behind him and look over his shoulder to watch him create. I’m actually surprised that he hasn’t noticed me yet. I really wasn’t trying to be quiet, it just happened, so I lean down, my chin nearly to his shoulder and he’s still lost in his sketch.

“Hey.” I whisper in his ear, trying not to startle him. I instinctively place a soft kiss on his cheek as he turns and smiles at me.

“Hey yourself.” He whispers back.

I motion to the drawing with the bag of pastries I’m still holding.

“That’s really good.”

He rolls his eyes and puts the sketchbook down.

“Justin Taylor’s final piece.”

He stand up and sighs.

“Are you planning on retiring already?” I ask.

“Something like that.” He mumbles as he starts to walk away from me.

“Justin.” My voice is harsher than I mean for it to be. He stops and I see his shoulders slump. I stand there staring at his back. I’m the pessimistic one here, not him. I’m not even sure what to say to him. I set the bag of pastries down next to his sketch and I move toward him.

“Don’t.” He says as I get behind him and wrap my arms around his waist.

“Justin.” I say it again, this time much softer. He leans back against me and I feel like I’m the only thing keeping him upright. I feel him take in a shaky breath and then I feel his whole body shaking with quiet sobs.

“Shhhh It’s okay.” I turn Justin around and look down at his tear streaked face. Justin buries his face in my chest as I stroke his hair. Eventually I can feel him calming down against me. “I brought you some of those raspberry pastry things you like. Are you hungry?”

He mumbles something into my chest and I step back slightly to get a look at him. He nods at me. I lead him back over to the chair he was sitting in when I walked into the room. Sitting down in the chair next to his, I toss the bag at him. He catches it and pulls out a pastry. I watch him nibble at it for a few minutes, before he actually bites into it with any enthusiasm. I can’t help but smile just watching him.

I reach over when he’s done and wipe a little of the raspberry filling off of his chin.

“Thanks.” He murmurs.

“Anytime.”

“So that was bullshit last night, huh?”

He looks at me questioningly.

“When I asked you if you were okay with this. Your answer was bullshit.” My eyes never leave his and he nods his head slowly.

“I’m not ready to die.” His voice is just a little bit shaky, but he seems determined to hold it together.

“That’s why you’re having the surgery. Without it you’re dead.” I clench my jaw as the last word escapes my lips.

“I know.” He looks down and closes his eyes. I reach over and put my hand on his arm. His head instinctively leans over and finds my shoulder. I slide my arm around him and hold him as he rocks gently from side to side.

“When it’s all over you can paint the Sistine chapel. Okay?”

He laughs a little.

“That’s already been done.”

“Yeah, but that was years ago. Cheap bastards should look into repainting it every couple of hundred years or so.”

He laughs again, this time a bit louder and for a little longer. He looks up at me and I can’t help but reach up with my other hand to stroke his cheek. I place a soft kiss on his lips and close my eyes.

“I still love you. You know that don’t you?”

I open my eyes and see tears falling down Justin’s cheeks once again.

“I knew it.” He said quietly. “I always knew it.”

To be continued...